In The Blood
by early-recoil
Summary: Pulled from the sanctuary of her home on the farm, Amelia Doyle is forced to spend a year with her father in Boston. She's exposed to her father's Irish world while she's not ready to hang up her cowboy boots. The young woman discovers not all treasures are rooted deep within country hills and maybe there is more to life than simple and safe.
1. Wild Horses

**A/N: This is a test run for a story idea I have. If you guys like, let me know and I will continue it. I will post a Chapter 2 soon regardless to get the MacManus Brothers on the scene. Btw, any readers 'across the pond'..no offense intended with the Boston Tea Party reference. Just a light hearted joke or two. Amelia's a smartass. And Irish folks, I'm not Irish. I'm doin' what I can. Please be patient and gentle. *winces***

**Disclaimer: I own nofin'!**

_"Childhood living is easy to do_  
_the things that you wanted, I bought them for you_  
_Graceless lady you know who I am_  
_You know I can't let you slide through my hands"_  
_  
_

Chapter 1 : Wild Horses

"Ya know, I really don't like this much." I groaned into the cellphone next to my ear. This has bad written all over it. My father laughed and I just rubbed my eyes.

"It'll be fiiiine! You're going ta' love Boston. It's historical and...big." His slight Irish accent came out. I pulled myself out of the kitchen chair as my mother gave me a look of sympathy. She mouthed 'be nice'. If only she knew how much I was biting my tongue.

"You're forgettin that I have a life here with...the farm and...stuff." I ignored the looks from my mom as I continued on. "And if ya want me to be around history, there's civil war trails all over the place! And if that's not far enough back, I'll dump some tea bags in the creek and curse the British!" I smiled at my wise crack, earning a chuckle from my dad too.

"I know you like your small town, but honey...you never get out. Your mother says you stay inside your room all day reading or your riding Shamrock around te farm. Oh, and don't forget all the time spent with your Pa at the range..."

I sighed, turning and pointing at my mother who was sipping her coffee. 'Traitor!' I mouthed. She set her cup on the rustic kitchen counter and held her hands up in surrender. My dads voice drew me back though.

"Amelia, you know it won't be that bad. Your mother is got her book tour coming up and you can't be by yourself. It's only for a year. Then you can go back to being Annie Oakley okay?" His voice sounded sad, now I've done it. For the love of the Irish!

"Okay...but I wanna be home schooled there, too. Boston's not my cup of tea...ha tea! What a pun." I sat back down in the old wooden chair and gave up. Dad sounded content as he let out a breath.

"I miss you, sweetheart. I need to spend time with my little lass. I want'a show you around and expose you to my side of the world. There's more ta your heritage than your Mother's side. Gun totin' crazy hillbillies they are. No offense against your Pa, of course." He let out a nervous laughter and I had to grin.

"I know, I know! Gonna have to embrace the spuds and four leaf clovers. Can't bring shame upon my clan Doyle!" I listened to my Dad chuckle and shot a look over to my mother. She was shamelessly rolling her eyes and finishing off her coffee.

"Alrigh' Amelia, I gotta get ready for work tomorrow. Got a ton'a papers to grade and a pop quiz to put together. I'll call tomorrow evening to work out all tha little details with your Ma. I love you."

"I love you too Dad. Talk to you later."

When I ended the call I looked out of one of the large bay windows in the dining room. The rolling hills of our farm land seemed to contrast the tall overshadowing West Virginian mountains. My heart hurt just thinking about leaving. This was home. The idea of being surrounded by concrete and tall glass buildings made me want to cry. During my inner turmoil, my mother had came to sit down across from me.

She was a beautiful woman, honestly. Not just because she's my mom. She was tall and lean. Her round face was soft, as were her features. She had dark brown eyes which could be mistaken for black most days. Her lips were pouty by her gene pool and her skin was olive in tone. Annette Jackson, once known as Annette Doyle. She'd naturally went back to her father's name after her and my Dad divorced. Not bad for a woman of 39.

I on the other hand, got the pleasure of being an odd accomplishment. I'm short, get it from my Dad's side. I have my Mom's skin tone and my father's reddish brown hair. It's mostly brown except when I'm in the sunlight, then you can see the Irish pride creeping out. My eyes were a conundrum. Was born with eyes that were brown around the iris, but faded out to pale blue. Grandpa always joked and said I looked like I have old woman's eyes. I was average build, some muscles from working on the farm. But for the life of me I can't get below a size 10 in jeans.

From the stories I've been told, my Dad's side has curvier women. All child bearing hips and modest chests. 'Built like a brick shit house' he liked to say. Mom told me I was lucky to not inherit the stick figure. Either way, I really don't care. Now my father, Carrin Doyle, is only a few inches taller than I. He's 44 and a professor of Sociology at some private school in Boston. His Ma and Da had come to the United States when he was 15. I never met them, they'd died way before I was even a thought. But Dad did go back to the mother land at least twice a year to visit our extended family...I'd always found a reason to not go.

"I'm sure this will be good for you." My mother's voice brought me back to the present. I sighed and shrugged, looking out at the barn.

"Maybe, reckon I really don't have much of a choice. You gotta work and promote your book. I just don't know what I am going to do without all this." She knew my meaning. This farm was where I called home. I love my Dad, but I love this land too. And my horse. The old quarter horse was my best friend. A year without riding just might drive me to death. Mom must have picked up on my inner dialogue.

"It ain't going to kill you. You need to see your Dad. He misses you. AND.." She threw up her dainty arms and her 2X sweat shirt flopped around her. "You need to see life outside of mountains and shoveling horse shit." The brazen country girl came out in her then. Mom's dark eyes held something in them that I knew I couldn't argue against.

"And yet you always come back here. Why's that?" I wrinkled my nose at her and she gave me a soft smile.

"This is home. It's not goin' anywhere, it's a sanctuary." Her eyes followed mine out to the fields. "I went off to college after school and I spread my wings. Hung up my boots for a bit. After a while, you miss the air and you just gravitate back. Nobody ever really leaves this place. But, you need to find your feet. You're almost grown and you can't hide here forever."

I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest, stretching out my legs as she stood and kissed my forehead. I silently surrendered to my logic. They are right. I'll be back before I know it. Just a year. A shiver went through me then. Boston. All attitude and roughly cut. How was I going to survive this?

It was almost the end of summer and soon my 18th birthday would find me in strange territory. I'd made plans to go into town and buy a cigar and smoke it ruefully in the old Chevy that had 'Farm Use' spray painted across either side. I chewed the inside of my bottom lip and decided I had to just suck it up. I'll be okay. Worst case scenario, I'll throw a hissy fit and come back home. I would be of age in a few months. As if my body knew what I needed, I went over to the back door and slipped into my boots. my jeans weren't tucked in or pulled over, just crumpled up above the tops of the leather. The cool evening summer air felt refreshing as it hit my bare arms and I walked down to the barn. This is stuff I wouldn't be able to do in Boston. Can go outside in boots, old torn up jeans and a muscle shirt. It's too windy and I'll stick out like a sore thumb. Then i snorted to myself. Over my dead body would I end up being one of those coffee house girls who read poetry and sipped their mocha latte.

Shamrock must have sensed my nerves because he whinnied and rose his head as I approached. I smiled and reached out, feeling his nose bump it in affection. This horse got me. I picked up his brush and opened his stall, leading him out. He stood tall, cantering around until coming to a stop. His reddish brown coat was soft and his black hair shined. Methodically I ran the brush over his mane and down onto his shoulders. A tear began working it's way out of my eyes before I cleared my throat.

"Gonna miss you boy. Promise me you'll behave and leave that mare over at the Smith's alone?" I smiled through the tears for him. He side stepped and bumped me again. I nodded and stroked his face. "I know, I know...don't go tryin' to kiss any Blarney stones or get myself lost. I promise."

****The Sundays - Wild Horses****


	2. An Irish Pub Song

**Disclaimer: I own nothing TBS.**

_"There's a county map to go on the wall_  
_A hurling stick & a shinty ball_  
_The bric, a brac, the craic & all_  
_Lets call it an Irish pub_  
_Caffreys, Harp, Kilkenny on tap_  
_The Guinness pie & that cabbage crap_  
_The Idea wannabees Paddy trap_  
_We'll call it an Irish pub"_

Chapter 2: An Irish Pub Song

The past week has flown by. One minuet I am packing my suitcases and the next I am landing in Boston. It was as I feared, big and bustling. The air was filled with the smell of rubber and gas. I cringed openly, the moment I had a chance to collect myself in the airport. The only good thing about this day was seeing my Dad's face.

He had all but done a jig the moment he seen me. I smiled and promised myself I would try to be accepting of my new home. His arms had wrapped around me and squeezed me fierce.

"Oh sweetheart!" His hugs were always like this, nearly bone crushing. I smiled into his shoulder and squeezed back. He still smelled like cigarettes and coffee. The small familiar constant did me good, being surrounded by a place I didn't know yet. "I have missed you! You're here, was startin ta worry you might bail out of tha plane!"

The humor in his eyes made me chuckle and I shrugged, picking up my carry on bag.

"I had thought about it, but I'm terrified of heights. When I die, it'll be passionate and guns blazing.." Dad just gave me a humored look and looped his arm with mine.

"Well you get tha dramatics from yer Ma. But the passion...that's from me." He seemed proud of that, too. One thing to say about my Dad was that he always loved the person I was. Sad or happy, he always seemed accepting.

As this first day progressed, I got myself moved into his little 'flat' and acquainted with the bachelor living style. He had all the amenities a human required, but it was very basic. Microwave, stove, washer and dryer, toilet and shower. I could tell he didn't spend too much time here, just long enough to sleep and get ready for work.

He gave me the spare bedroom he'd been using for storage up until a week ago. He'd said I could do whatever I wanted with it. Good, cause the white walls were freaking me out. The bed was full size though, on an old iron bed frame. Yeah, Ill get this all sorted. Dad brought up my bags from his Buick and I let them wait on the hardwood floor. My eyes were drooping, and the feather top mattress wasn't helping. Giving up, I stretched out and chalked it up to jet lag.

A few hours later I woke up to my Dad burning something. I dug my face into my pillow and let out a huff. That man knows he can't cook to save his life. Sitting up I blinked and looked around at my room. It had to be late. I wiped the crust out of my eyes and came into the open space that resided the kitchen, dining and living room area. The sun was down and the bright lights if the city sparkled. I cringed again.

"What are ya burnin' Dad?" I amused tone made him look up from the stove. He groaned and picked the pot up off the gas stove and set it in the sink. He back stepped and turned the stove off before literally throwing in the towel.

"I can't cook! Who'm I kiddin?" His sky blue eyes found mine, he smiled and motioned to my clothes. "Go get changed and I'll take ya out for dinner."

I was going to offer to cook, but he shooed me to my room and shut the door behind me. I searched around in my luggage and pulled out my faded blue jeans and a plain grey tee shirt. Both form fitting but neither to be considered scandalous. My hair was easy, I just twisted it into a bun and wrapped an elastic around it. I checked myself in the mirror behind my door and nodded. Simple was the best.

When I found Dad, he was still in his trousers and long sleeve shirt. Only difference was the sweater vest and the fedora. Yeesh. He smiled at me and motioned to the door.

"Ready lass?"

I nodded and slid into my cowboy boots with the same lax motion I did when I was home.

"I reckon." The tone in my voice gave me away and he opened the door, escorting me out before locking it back.

"It'll be fun..you jus' wait." This ominous feeling settled in my belly and I shoved it away. Our walk was short surprisingly, and when the neon lights of Mgintys lit our faces I stopped dead in my tracks.

"Dad...this is a bar." I stated with a even tone, not too sure where this was going.

"Aye, it is. But the proper term would be 'pub'. I know the gentleman that runs this fine establishment. Funny fellow. Told me ta bring you by if you were looking for a taste of the Motherland." He seemed so sure of this, like it wasn't illegal at all. Mom would have a shit fit, well no she wouldn't but...

"Dad! I am underage! What if cops show up or I get into a bar fight? How are we going to explain that to Mom?" My eyes were wide as I gawked at him, hint of humor. His face became serious and he scratched his chin.

"I guess I'll just teller the same t'ing I used to tell her. 'Honey, twas the Irish blood singin' ta me in honied words!" His laughter made me shake my head and I let him lead me inside. It was everything I had expected. The air was heavy with smoke, whiskey and spilled beer. Men and a few women were sorted around small tables, conversating quite loudly and passionately.

I blinked and was honestly speechless for a second. Dad gently grabbed my wrist and drug me further inside. The 'pub' as he had corrected me, wasn't too big. I tucked in close to my father as he ducked and dodged through the crowd. I suddenly felt like a minnow going full speed down shit creek. When he came to an abrupt stop he pulled me out to be beside him, large smile on his face. I looked up and seen the cutest old man ever. He was round in the face and bright blue eyes behind glasses that seemed too thick, but endearing. I immediately felt a kinship to him. I smiled and he smiled back, motioning to my dad.

"I take it this is her?" He asked and my Dad nodded.

"This is me girl. Amelia this is Doc, he's a good man but beware of his..."

"Fuck! Ass!" The old man yelled suddenly, turning bright shades of red while I recovered from the scare. Before I could help myself I busted out laughing and reached across the counter to shake his hand.

"Nice to meet ya Doc." My country accent seemed to stand out as men and women close by eyed me suspiciously. Doc smiled and motioned to a younger man.

"Watcher fer a minuet would ya? Gonna take a s..s..seat!"

My Dad guided me to a booth where Doc joined us, two beers in hand. I didn't think nothing of it until he slid one to me. I felt awkward and my Dad elbowed me, letting me know it was alright.

"One won't hurt ya Amelia." His smile was infectious and I gave in. The Guinness was bitter but in a pleasant way, went down smooth.

"Aye, that's a girl! Welcome ta B..b...Fuck! Welcome to Boston." Doc said as he sat down and took a deep breath. I eyed him and took another sip.

"Thank ya. Not used to big cities. We'll see how it goes."

My Dad had nearly polished his off and was looking at the little laminated food menu stuck to the table.

"This one has been on a farm out'tin the mountains her whole life. As you can see, nothin about her says Irish 'cept maybe her hair an' her name." Dad teased and I rolled my eyes, pushing my shoulder into him.

"Hey now Carrin, ta girls a farmer. Back home that's common. Thats Irish enough..." Doc's words were friendly and sincere, I giggled triumphantly.

"I like you Doc." I said, reaching over and touching his hand. He grabbed it, patting it then he placed a quick kiss to my knuckles before standing and motioning to the bar.

"I'll have a coke and another G..G...Guinness sent yer way Carrin. Two house specials?" Doc asked my Dad and he nodded, reaching over to shake his hand.

"Thanks Doc. I'll come over tere in a moment to talk ta ye and da boys."

I watched as they shared a knowing look between them and the old man walked off. I took a gulp of my beer and set it down.

"Well I see you took this whole finding my roots thing seriously." I motioned around me as folks talked and were still loud. Culture shock is an understatement to how I felt. "But I like Doc. He's sweet."

"Well this is tha usual. These are our people. This city thrives on its heritage, varied as tey might be." He gave me a serious look and wiggled, I moved over to sit across from him. "I want ya ta know my world Amelia. It's in yer blood, righ' along with the mountains and horse shit."

I nodded, suddenly very serious. I know he just wants me to fit in and be his daughter for a year. I remember being a kid and him arguing with Mom about how it wasn't fair not to force me to go with him to Ireland. Guilt hit me and I finished off the Guinness.

"Well looks like I'm on my way to gettin' well acquainted Dad. No worries. Just gonna take a while to adjust." I looked up and sighed, seeing the stranger's faces and the pink flushed drunks most of them were on. This wasn't home yet. Maybe it never would be but I can give it a shot for now.

My father took off his hat and loosened the top button of his shirt. He was settling in, breathing easily and scanning the crowds.

"These people, mostly immigrants or Boston born, they have one t'ing in common...hard work. T'is is a working man's bar. They work, they fight, they drink, they make love and every night Ireland calls 'em home ta their beds." I found myself speechless at my father's passion of this place. His eyes were in a distant place and his face calm. As it always happened when he got passionate about something, my girlish nature came out and I felt my throat tighten. "T'is is my home Amelia. Not a spry t'ing anymore, won't be throwin' too many punches...but this is why I thrive."

Slowly his words sank in. I began looking closer. I seen the calloused hands, the scars, the burliness and the most important thing. Family. Loyalty. All of that was found here. I don't know how long we sat in silence before a dirty blond man brought us food and more drinks, but it was peaceful. Maybe Dad knew what was warring in my head because he gave me a contented look and smiled. I smiled back and bit into the sandwich in front of me.

After another hour Dad had a few beers and promptly handed me his key ring. I laughed as he stood and motioned to the bar.

"I'm going ta go talk ta Doc a bit, stick around if ya want. Remember how ta get home? T'is important stuff, might be a bit." His blue eyes looked worried but I shrugged.

"I'll be fine. Gonna see if I can sneak another Guinness before I head out. Might as well. Cultural education and what not." I was honest by nature and he gave me the thumbs up. I watched him walk up to Doc and within seconds the men had dissipated into thin air, the crowd hiding their get a way. I sighed and looked around again. The loud conversations around me left me feeling alone, but I tallied forth and up to the bar.

The bartender gave me a look but conceded to my request, giving me another beer. I felt the heady rush of breaking the law. Openly. The man on my left clinked his glass to mine and we took a gulp in unison. I had to smile. What twilight zone had I stepped into? Before I could tip the glass to my lips again I heard the bar cheer and the door slam shut.

"Hey Fuckass!" The tone of the voice was playful and I turned my head to look behind me. I couldn't see anything for the crowd who'd gathered around to welcome these guys. I heard the occasional slur and the laughs. I turned back around to my drink, swirling the head on the beer to leave waves on the glass. The guy next to me got up and I went to give him the old head nod in a goodbye, but what replaced him stopped my breath.

Two sets of blue eyes landed on me and my heart literally stopped. They were beautiful. One was a dark blonde, and the other was dark haired and had a mole on the corner or his mouth. The grip on my beer tightened as they both cocked their heads then smiled. I must have forgotten how to speech. I swallowed and took a deep breath. Before I could get a word out, they looked to one another and mumbled something. It was in another language and the dark haired one smiled, shoving his...brother off?

"You do know it's rude to whisper in foreign languages, right?" I said in the most laid back, 'grown up' way. Truth be told, I am very socially awkward most of the time. I haven't been around too many good looking guys. My mouth felt dry watching them grin and order drinks.

The dark blonde one moved his attention back to me as the other one sat down on the stool and sipped his beer.

"Aye, but ye see, we're brothers. So that gives us te right to whisper and keep secrets. A sibling obligatory pact or some shit like tat." The other one chimed in.

"Damn right. We're bastards." He smiled and the two chuckled as they looked around. My cheeks were surely flaming red. Ears too most likely. Something in me wanted to know these guys. They looked like, I don't know what. I blinked a few times as I tried to process the emotions running through me.

"Where ye from lass? Haven't seen ya in 'ere before." The blonde asked and I flushed. Wow, how awesome it will be to try to explain to these guys I technically shouldn't be here at all.

"West Virginia. I'm new in town, livin' with my Dad for a while. He's around here somewhere." I wanted to almost wince at my twang, they made Irish sound beautiful. They looked at one another and grinned.

"Gotta nice accent there, country girl huh?" The dark haired one nudged my foot with his. I took note of the difference in style. They both wore similar boots, dirty and beat up. Steel toes probably. Their jeans were well fitted to them and they both wore black tee shirts. Maybe..twins?

"Yeah, farm an' all." I smiled and took a sip of my beer, realizing it was mostly gone. "I'm Amelia Doyle." The two's eye brows shot up and the dark haired one snapped his finger.

"Cac! Sin ceart!(Shit! That's right!)" He smiled and took my hand abruptly, kissing it and handing it off to the other brother for a repeat performance. Yeah, I can die now. Both of their lips felt soft and I had to catch my breath. Again he spoke. "I'm Murphy and t'is 'eres Connor." His humor was very visible through his whole face, Connor's too.

"So I take it Carrin is ya Da?" Connor asked and I nodded, pointing to the back of the bar.

"Yeah, he's back there with Doc somewhere. I'm just waiting around. He said they might be a while." I pulled out the key ring and jingled it for dramatic effect. "Said I could go home if I wanted, but I figured I might as well take advantage of the situation and soak some heritage up." I smiled and took another drink, noticing the warmth in my cheeks. Murphy gave me an odd look and said something else to Connor I couldn't understand. Then they looked at me, signaling for refills on all glasses. I knew I shouldn't be pressing my luck, but the company I was in made me not give a rats ass.

"Well lass, the boy's will be in ta back fer a while. Why don't ya let the Macmanus brothers keep ya company?" Connor asked and I shrugged and let them escort me to a different booth than the one me and my Dad had occupied. Murphy grabbed my beer and slid it to me once we sat. He nudged me over and settled in with Connor sitting across from us. Murphy lit a cigarette and offered me one. Luckily I had the sense to turn that down.

"Suit yerself." He said with a grin and then he jumped, shooting a glare at Connor. "Whatcha do that fer you stupid fuck?" Connor gave him a look and then looked at me.

"Bad enough we're encouragin' underage drinkin, not be tryin' ta get her cancer too!" Connor winked at me and I sheepishly took a gulp of Guinness. "S'alright lil lass, you're Da's told us all about cha. Apple of his eye you are. Didn't tell us when you were comin, but here ye are!" Connor rose his glass and Murphy joined in. I smiled and raised mine.

"Ta pretty new faces and new places..." "Ta sayin fuck it and breakin tha law.." Murphy and Connor looked to me to add something into the toast, I rolled my eyes.

"To the Irish, as damnable as they are, gotta love em." I spoke and they nodded in agreeance. We clinked glasses and took drinks.

I listened to them for a few more hours talk about their lives and how they knew my Dad. When the subject came up about work they kind of skirted around it. I chalk it up to them not liking their job. Most people don't. They wanted to know about me. They asked dozens of questions about the farm, my horse, things I enjoyed. Before I knew it, I was drunk. Not piss pour drunk, but definitely inebriated. Murphy and Connor made comments about my rosy cheeks and I had to swat them away a few times when they'd jest and try to pinch them.

I couldn't help this easy feeling that had it's hold on me. These two were instant hits. I couldn't stop laughing and leaning into Murphy as he would talk. Connor had a habit of reaching across the table and squeezing my arm. I'd meet their eyes when we spoke and they seemed to chuckle at the way I said things. All and all, I think maybe there is hope for Boston. The night wore on and when I finally checked the time, I was shocked.

"Shit, it's already 3?" I had to blink to focus but I felt more than fine. The cigarette smoke wasn't even phasing me now at the Macmanus brothers too seemed to be having too much fun to give a damn.

"Time flies by at Mginty's dear girl." Murphy mumbled before casting another look to his brother. I noticed they had been doing a lot of that. They knew something I didn't and it kind of irked me.

"Aye, it does. I'm gonna go top off, refill?" Connor slid out of the booth and stood, asking us. Murphy of course accepted and I didn't get a chance too argue. Connor took mine too. In the dim light and the whirling smoke Murphy turned in the booth to face me. He seemed genuinely contemplative.

"So why didn't ye want'a come to Boston?" His blue eyes pierced me to my seat and I felt momentarily sobered by his question. I licked my lips and took my hair down, putting it up again.

"I never said I hadn't." I didn't want to answer. I thought maybe I was on a good path to making new friends. Didn't want to seem like a brat or offend the flag on the wall. But Murphy gave a sly smile and lit another cigarette, inhaling deeply.

"Di'nt have ta. S'written all over yer face Amelia. Like yer tryin' ta figure out where ya stand in all t'is." The man waved all around and to the fresh glasses of Guinness Connor laid out in front of us. So I did the only thing I could do, told the truth.

"I dunno boys. Just never connected much with Dad's side. After the divorce I just preferred to stay on the farm. I love my Dad, but I really can't relate much." I did as Murphy, motioned to our surroundings. "I see all this, I feel it...but it's not connecting for some reason. I just wonder if I have a place here." I smiled and thought maybe it was the alcohol, but I felt like crying.

Connor reached over and held my hand over my beer. "It'll come ta ya. You hava place. Jus' need some time ta figure it out. We all go tru phases in life. Yer a small town lass about ta be a woman in a big city." He squeezed and I gave him a small smile as a tear escaped my eye. I quickly wiped it away and cleared my throat. I wanted to be happy, not mopey. Again, they did the twin thing and shared a look. Murphy wrapped his arm around me.

"After that, we're gonna take ya home. I'm t'inkin your ready for a nap, ya big cry baby." He smiled at me and I nodded, giving him a smile in return. Connor downed the rest of his and stood.

"Gonna go give Carrin a heads up that tha Brother's Macmanus are leaving wit his lil' girl." Connor gave a wink and we hurried to finish our beers. Once we were up on our feet, I realized I must be a little drunker than originally thought. I held onto Murphy's arm as he steadied me on my feet.

"Can ya walk?" He asked, enjoying watching me try to find my center of gravity. I waved it off, but kept my grip on him.

"Shit yeah, I'm good. But, I'd be a liar if I didn't admit that the ground feels shaky." I giggled and he seemed to understand. I let him pull me into his side and tuck me in there. What gentlemen these men were. I then needed to know something they haven't told me yet. "Murph, how old are y'all?"

Murphy seemed proud of himself and leaned down to whisper in my ear. I felt a few whiskers of his goatee tickle my neck. "27."

"Bullshit! No way!" I didn't buy it. They didn't look 27! Maybe 23.

"Aye, he's truthful lass. We've jus' been blessed with baby faces, specially my brother here. Lookit em, so cute." I held onto Murphy as they exchanged some words and cussed, pushing back and forth. When it settled after a few seconds, Connor came around and held my other hand.

"Told yer Da we were gonna walk ye home and make sure ya get settled in." The dark blonde said and that's what they did. They took me home and partially carried me upstairs to the apartment. After that, I don't remember much else.

****Hope I did alright. Weee!**  
**The Rumjacks - An Irish Pub Song ****


	3. Boondocks

**A/N: This one hasn't really gotten much in reviews, but I have found I really enjoy this story.  
We'll see where it goes. I do have big plans though. :)**  
**Disclaimer: I own nothing TBS.**

_"I feel no shame_  
_I'm proud of where I came from_  
_I was born and raised _  
_In the boondocks.."_

Chapter 3 : Boondocks

The sun came in through the drawn blinds in my bedroom and I groaned. The light was fire against the outside of my eye lids and my head was throbbing. What had happened? Oh yeah, I got drunk. In a bar. With two dangerously good looking Irish brothers. I blindly reached for my blanket and jerked it above my head.

"Damnit." I muttered. I wont be doing that again anytime soon. My heartbeat pounded in my ears and my stomach churned. I just wanted to lay still and not think about anything. I shifted and felt the waist of my jeans cutting into my hips. So I was still in my clothes from last night? I gently lifted my head to look down under the white comforter. There was enough light to see I was indeed still in my clothes from the night before. I smelled like last night too. Cigarette smoke and Guinness.

Normally it wouldn't be a pleasant combo, but it reminded me of Murphy and Connor. A rueful smile crossed my mouth and I relaxed back into the mattress. They had walked me home, but I don't remember getting into bed. The idea to go back to sleep sounded wonderful, but the cotton mouth and morning taste in my mouth changed my mind. Being easy with myself, I sat up and hung my legs over the edge of the bed.

"Easy girl." I said to myself as my feet touched the chilly hardwood floor. I jolted and groaned. Quietly, I made my way to the kitchen and was grateful Dad had left the curtains shut. I opened a cabinet and pulled out a water stained whiskey glass. I shuffled to the sink and filled it with cold water. It was just what the doctor ordered. I drank down a second glass before I seen the post it note on the counter, with a new key ring and single key.

'At Mass, be back soon. Here's your key. xoxo Dad'

At mass? Whew, I crossed myself and thought...There was no way I would have gotten up at the ass crack of dawn, hung over, to attend church. Dad was one of a kind apparently. I never really got into the whole Catholic thing. Occasionally I'd attend church with my Grandpa on Sundays, but I guess I have strayed from the flock. The serious thoughts made my head hurt worse as I scrounged around for Tylenol. When I struck gold, I popped the cap and took two.

The bathroom was my next stop. I did the usual and stripped down. I made quick work of my servere bed hair and tried to scrub the hangover off my face. The hot water felt energizing as I slowly began to get my barings about me. A highlight reel began playing on repeat as I thought about my time in the pub last night. Sticking my face right into the stream of water, I groaned. God, I must have looked like an idiot. The Macmanus brother's must have felt some kind of older guy chivalrous obligation to babysit the teenager. I shuddered with embarrassment at myself.

But despite how I felt now, I knew last night had been the most fun I'd had in a long time. I shook my head to help clear out the self doubt, I just wasn't going to think about it right now. Turning the water off, I stepped out and wrapped the overly huge soft green towel around me. I brushed my teeth and then took my hair on. I towel dried it and braided it off to the side. When I got dressed I decided on a pair of black leggings and a overly large WVU vintage long sleeved shirt. I felt cute with the off the shoulder, sports bra strap exposed look. I was covered.

After I was ready for the day, I began unpacking and sorting my bedroom out. I let my mind go into auto pilot mode as I listened to the radio, singing along with songs I knew. When I heard the door open and the keys hit the counter, I stopped and poked my head out. Dad stood there for a moment, not yet knowing I was watching. He hung his old hat up, then went his coat. He looked handsome in the way only my father could. I smiled and waved.

"How was mass?" I asked, he jumped and then gave me look before pouring himself some water.

"A bunch of Latin, hail mary's and I always leave feelin' guiltier than when I went in." His smile finally came through as I joined him on the couch. He took a few sips and rubbed his face. The wrinkles around his mouth and eyes more evident with the bags under his eyes.

"You look rough." I teased, bumping him in the shoulder with a light fist. Dad nodded and leaned further back into the couch cushions.

"I feel rough. Shit." He closed his eyes for a second of silence, before rolling his head to the side to look at me.

"You got ta sleep your's off." The knowing grin on his face made me cover my face and my cheeks turn red. "Not even here fer a full day and yer already raisin' hell in an Irish pub! I don' know whether ta ground ya or pat ye on tha back." If it weren't for the amused look in his eyes I'd think he was serious. I put my hands up and sighed.

"Makes you feel any better, I woke up feelin' like hell." He nodded and shared a look of sympathy.

"Ran inta' the boys at church. They stuck around and we had lunch. They told me ya got quite right wit' your heritage last night." Dad took another sip of water. "Those are good boys, I'm glad they brought ya back here. They took a shine to ya." He teased and poked me in the stomach and I could feel my face turning a darker shade of red.

"I'm sure they were just being nice. They baby sat me while I had my first drunken experience in a pub surrounded by rowdy Irishmen." I gave a look to my father. "You should have a firmer hand. I'm rebelling. Next thing you know I'll have nipple piercings and tattoos of some weird ritualistic pagan symbols and Chinese lettering for 'hairy twat' or something..." I zoned out and took a breath. "It's a slippery slope." I blinked and looked at him again. My Dad was covering his mouth and red in the face. When he finally let it out, it was robust and he pulled me for a one armed hug and a kiss to the cheek.

"Sweet Mother Mary, have mercy." He wheezed and squeezed me. "Never change Amelia." He let out a few more laughs before standing and wandering over to his desk in the far corner of the living room. I watched him pilfer around between papers and folders. "Unfortunately, I have ta grade some essays and prepare my curriculum for this week." He pointed to the fridge and grabbed his stomach. "There's a phone book on top of te ice box, pick somewhere and place an order. I'll take one of whatever you get."

I couldn't argue with that and looked at the clock. It was only 2. I'd wait a bit. Quietly I returned to my room and finished up. It killed an hour. I took out my phone and put it on charge, I'd call Mom when it was juiced up. I'm sure she was waiting to here something from me. Now I just needed to decide what to and what to not say. Either way I had a feeling she would find out anyways. Dad never could keep much from her if it involved me. I suppose that's a good thing. That conversation would be interesting. Hey Mom, by the way, Dad took me to a pub and I got drunk. Oh don't worry, I had two gorgeous Irish brothers walk me home where I promptly passed out. Hair of the dog please?

The sun finally worked it's way down the horizon and I called for delivery. The local Chinese place sounded awesome. Two large beef lo meins and a large veggie fried rice to share. Mmm. My stomach made an obnoxious sound as I thought about the yummy goodness. In the mean time, I decided to face the music and call my mother. I gave Dad a heads up as I walked out and went downstairs to get some fresh air. Though this was an Irish neighborhood, it had it's seedy individuals so I stayed close to the door. I dialed her cell number, knowing she was probably in Washington by now.

It rang four times before she answered. "Hey sweetheart!" My mother's familiar twang made me smile into the air and I sighed.

"Hey Mom. How are you?" I asked. She took a second and was talking to someone else in the background.

"Okay, sorry about that. Oh, I'm good. Just landed in Washington this morning. On our way to Barnes and Noble for the first book signing! I'm so excited!" Her voice was high pitched, giving away the genuine happiness she felt. I was happy for her too. "How's Boston and your Father?"

I shrugged as if she could see me. I looked around at the buildings around me as they reflected the sun off the dirty cement and brick walls.

"It's Boston. Been okay, got myself squared away this morning after I woke up. Didn't feel too perky. Dad's okay, just upstairs doing teacher of the year stuff."

Mom was quiet for a minuet before she spoke again, her surroundings becoming less noisy.

"Yeah, I called your father right after I landed to see how you were doing. He said you had an interesting first night..." Her voice was serious and I closed my eyes, pinching the space between my eyes.

"Umm...Honey, T'was the Irish blood singin ta me in honied words!" I had to hide the laugh that escaped me when she snorted and I could just imagine her rolling her eyes.

"Well when I had said you needed to get out into the world, I really hadn't expected you to break the law and make two MALE friends." Now it was her turn to laugh as I went silent. The blush tickling my cheeks made me turn away from any possible person that could chance a look at me in passing. "I'm not mad. I am actually kinda happy you're not barricading yourself in your bedroom and listening to sad music."

"Psht oh please, my melodramatic ways don't go that low." I teased back and then I heard her say something to someone else. I figured she was about to get busy so I decided to cut it short.

"Okay Mom, I'll let you go. I love you!" I said, genuinely happy she wasn't upset.

"Love you too, Amelia. Take care and be safe!" She made a smooching sound and hung up the phone. I ended the call on my end of the connection and just looked around. Then it hit me, was I really that much of a social reject that once when my parents should have both been pissed...they were happy? The though didn't give much time for me to contemplate before I seen a car pull up and a little Chinese woman step out, plastic bags in hand.

I escorted her upstairs and paid her with the 20 Dad had handed to me, letting her keep the 5 dollars in change. Dad also pulled himself to the couch where we ate together, he rambled about what his students were and weren't understanding. A little frustration was evident in his voice but he shook it off to take a deep breath.

"Next week you'll be startin' yer studies again. I just have one question..." I slurped some noodles between my lips before chewing, giving him the signal to ask. "Why in ta hell have you not tested yet? Annette told me you have surpassed the required curriculum. She made it sound like you're just dragging it out?" His blue eyes pinned me to my seat, no getting out of this one.

"I dunno Dad, on the farm there was plenty to do...but I would get bored. So...I just kept my brain busy with that." I gave him a small smile. It was rather embarrassing what the deeper meanings to my boredom meant. He unfortunately didn't wholly buy it. I groaned and stopped eating for a minuet. "You know how I am. I can be super awkward. I hated public school until Mom pulled me out! I just never got along well with other kids." I sighed and suddenly felt the shyness in me poking through. "I tried to make friends with some of the neighbor's kids, but they just gave me weird looks. Nobody came ot my birthday parties. After a while I just stopped givin' a shit."

My Dad made a sound and nodded. "Musta been lonely." The understanding on his face made mine soften and I decided to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, but I always had family." I shoulder bumped him and went back to my lo mein. "Besides, who needs girlfriends to gossip with or boyfriends to get em into trouble when you only have time for work and studying?" My chuckled and crossed himself

"Amen. But..ye should consider maybe taking your tests an' gettin it over with? That way, ye could be freed up fer a job or a hobby while yer here? Make some friends.." Then he bumped me back. "Might be able to charm one of tha Macmanus brothers. All ta ladies fawn over em." The smirk reached his eyes and I jabbed him with my chop sticks, shaking my head.

"Oh shush you! You're shameless!" My cheeks were rosey and Dad threw his hands up in surrender, balancing his food on his lap.

"I was only kiddin' lass! Shit!" I shot him a death glare but softened when I seen the light bulb go off in his head. "Aye, why don't you go to Mginty's tomorrow night? I have a meeting and I'll be out late. You'll have yer key, Doc won't care." I gave him a 'are you kidding me' look.

"I can't make a habit out of being well below age and drinkin' in a pub." I rolled my eyes. "Besides, I don't have the money to do that." I stuck my tongue out and Dad fished out his wallet, dropping a 50 in front of me.

"I didn't mean fer ya ta go an'get drunk. Have a beer or two maybe, offer ta help Doc out. He'd be grateful." I considered his words and had to admit, didn't sound so bad. I wanted to get to know Doc better. Something about the old man reminded me of something that felt familiar. Yet, I couldn't put my finger on it.

"Sounds like a plan I reckon." I smiled and Dad seemed to be happy about it. I was about to take a drink of my water before he added...

"Jus' try nota absorb too much of ye heritage, Amelia." His quoting of me made me choke and I immediately wondered how much those damn brothers had told my Dad.

*** Boondocks- Little Big Town***


	4. I Feel A Sin Comin' On

**A/N: I am trying to break Amelia out of her shell gradually.  
Trying to slowly show off her own inner strengths.  
Yay! Macmanus goodness ahead!**

**Disclaimer: I Own nothing BDS.**

_"I feel a sin comin' on_  
_I feel a right that's about to go wrong_  
_I got a shiver down to the bone_  
_I feel a sin comin' on"_

Chapter 4 : I Feel A Sin Comin' On

The next day had came on fairly fast. I woke up to an empty apartment and it was a blur after that. I call Mom, she gave me all the cool bits about her book signing. At one point I told her i wished I could have been there to see the elation on her face. Annette was a people person, she shined when the spotlight was on her. And yes, that's one more dazzling quality I didn't inherit. After I had gotten off the phone with her I made me some lunch, then hopped in the shower.

After my hair had air dried and I checked the time, it was almost 7. I had also called Doc at Mginty's a while ago to make sure he was okay with me being there, he'd just laughed and said cops could "P..p...piss off!" I'd thanked him and he said to hurry up and get down there, the bar needed a pretty face. But, I wanted to look nice tonight. Sure it wasn't an upscale place but I was female and on occasion I have a right to cowgirl up!

I went through my closet and dressers, trying decide on something I was happy with. Realizing my struggle was ridiculous I settled on a spaghetti strap white shirt and my black leggings. The push up bra underneath made me look better in the boob region and I felt proud. I finally found my over sized green plaid shirt. I rolled the sleeves up to my elbows and left the top 3 buttons undone. In the mirror it seemed to swallow me whole, but in a good way. Still something was missing, I rummaged around and found a brown leather belt and tied it around my middle. Ah, perfect! I turned to the side and made sure everything lined up the way I wanted it. One good thing about leggings, they made my hips and butt look dangerous.

I slipped on my boots and let my hair fall where it may, enjoying the tousled careless vibe I had going. Some foundation, blush, mascara and lip gloss later...I was pub ready. I made sure to stick my wallet in my waist band and the apartment key stayed clutched in my fist and I made my way down the stairs. As soon as my boots hit cement, I felt my anxiety flaring up. Why was I doing this again. Because Dad suggested it, and Doc wanted me to hang out. I chewed the inside of my lip until I seen the green neon lights as I crossed the street to Mginty's. I grabbed the door knob and twisted, opening the door and walking it. Well, I'm sure the chance to see the Macmanus brothers had something to do with it, too.

I looked at the crowd, even early on Monday night this place had a full house nearly. I felt a smile creep onto my face as I made my way to the bar. Doc was wiping glasses and laughing at something the other bar tender said. I decided to cut in. I leaned forward and extended my hand, waving in a friendly gesture. The old man looked up and grinned some more.

"Aye! Lass it's good ta see ye!" His face split as he grabbed my hand and kissed it,making me stretch to allow him. I returned his smile and motioned to the full house.

"You're pretty busy for a Monday." Doc waved it off and set the glass down, grabbing another one.

"Nah, t'is is ta usual m'dear. Monday tru Saturday. Busy as a tree tittied whore." The laughter that erupted from me was kind of embarrassing as the patrons close around me gave me a look of amusement. I plopped down on a stool and motioned to the glasses, seeing he had a racks of them yet to dry.

"Want some help Doc?" I gave him a smile and yelped with excitement as he nodded and motioned me back. I got off the stool and found my way around, ducking under the counter and walking up beside Doc. I'd never been behind a bar before so I was eyeing everything. Doc handed me the dish towel and let me get at it, while he went back to filling glasses and pouring shots. For some reason I was tickled pink I was able to help. Though technically I shouldn't be in here period, I adored the fact Doc didn't give a shit.

After I was done with the first few trays of glasses, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Shaun, the other tender who I found out was Doc's nephew. Shaun didn't talk a whole lot, but he had a nice disposition. His dirty blonde hair was spikey on top and short at the sides, making his features stick out. He'd started here when he'd started college. Now, he couldn't find the heart to leave he'd told me. For a guy who was 100 percent Irish, he was very tan and reminded me of someone you'd see surfing on the west coast.

"Yeah?" I asked, and he motioned to a guy with a burly black beard. The older man gave me a mischievous grin.

"The gentleman wants ta buy ye a shot." Shaun said, looking quite amused at this predicament I found myself in. I felt the color run out of my face before Doc laughed.

"Aye! C'mon girl, let the lad buy ye a drink! Only right seeing a lady workin' to offer her a bita Jameson to FUCK! ASS!" My appalled look transferred to Doc as he turned a deep shade of crimson and shook his head in apology. "Let em' buy ye a fuckin shot." I was incredulous for a moment before I seen the bearded man slap a 10 on the bar and Shaun poured two shots of Jameson. That nervous twitch settled into my face as I accepted the small glass from Doc and watched the liquid swirl around. Before I could have a complete panic attack, a familiar voice rang out.

"Careful Lil Amelia, it's burnin' goin' down." My eyes met the deep blue depths of Murphy Macmanus and I couldn't help but ignite under the challenge that went unsaid there. By now all the patrons around the bar were watching me, word got around quick about the hillbilly girl dipping her feet in some Irish water. I let the smile play on my lips as I braced myself and tipped it back. In one fail swoop the liquid burned it's way going down and I fought the urge to squint and stick my tongue out. It had gotten quiet for a second. Doc, Shaun, Bearded Guy, Murphy and now Connor were all watching. I involuntarily coughed and blinked.

Carefully, dismissing the warmth my cheeks were undertaking and the anxiety of having all eyes on me, I walked to stand across from the Bearded Guy. Slowly I leaned over and slammed the shot glass down in front of him.

"I really hope you're plannin on buyin me another darlin', that was real nice." I winked and suddenly the whole pub errupted in hoots and clapping. I laughed as the man threw another bit of cash down and I watched as Shaun poured another round. I clinked glasses with the man this time and we tipped them back. I then thanked him and he in turn thanked me. For what, I don't know. Doc found me after everyone settled down and broke up amoungst themselves.

"Good job. I see ye takin' a likin' to this sida te tracks now, huh?" Doc smiled and patted my back, before motioning to the brothers. "Tey are waitin' on ye to come an' play lass. Go 'ave some fun. SHIT!" He mumbled something and shooed me off. I didn't argue either. I removed the towel from my shoulder and ducked under the counter top. I found Murphy and Connor, waiting with beers in hand.

"Well lookit tat, secon' day in town and she's flirtin' wif strangers an' using her feminine wile's to sucker men outa their hard earned gold." Connor teased and handed me a Guinness. Murphy nodded and smirked.

"Tis'nt a witch brother, but a siren. Lurin' lonely lads to ter death by ways of alcohol poison'n." Murphy added and winked. The boys were both smiling and I stood their blushing like a buffoon. Damn them! Connor leaned down and kissed my cheek and head nodded towards the booth.

"Wanna take a seat?" I sipped my beer and followed the boys. Murphy sat down first, and like last time I went to sit next to him until Connor made some noise I couldn't understand. "He got ya last time, my turn!" I went to make a smart ass comment but Murphy beat me to it.

"Well maybe she likes ta sit nexta me Connor?" He challenged his brother, and before I knew it they were going back and forth in a foreign language. So, just to be fair, I slid in to the side across from Murphy.

"Easy boys! Don't fight over little ol' me!" I teased them and they stopped, mumbling and smacking each other playfully. When they finally sat down, I looked at them both excitedly. I'd missed them I realized. This confused me. Connor smiled and put his arm around my shoulder and drew me in, gloating. I gave Murphy a sheepish look and was enjoying this sudden stare down. Hey, it makes a lil' small town girl feel special. And honestly, I was shocked they seemed to have sought me out for company.

"Well t'en, how was your day Amelia?" Connor asked, shit eating grin getting bigger and bigger. I shrugged and took a big gulp of the Guinness. Murphy copied me.

"Woke up, got some stuff done, showered, then got ready. Doc's gonna let me help him out around here." I was still very excited over it, they seemed to share my enthusiasm.

"Ol' Doc could usa woman's touch fer t'is place. Glad ta see you're back." Murphy said, smiling again finally. Connor hit the bottom of his glass on the table in agreement.

"Aye, there's too many ugly mugs 'round here. Tá do áilleacht óga ag teastáil le haghaidh na anamacha caillte(_Your young beauty is needed for these lost souls_)" The dark blonde brother said and I think a small part of my chest exploded. I looked to Murphy but he just gave a subtle nod and winked at me. I turned and gave a wry look to Connor.

"What does all that mean?" I asked, taking another sip while Connor smirked and Murphy lit a cigarette.

"Irish secret, love." Murphy answered for his brother and I felt cheated. I scrunched my face and watched as they did the quiet look between thing again. I noticed my hair would always stand on end when they did that. It was rather fascinating. Some twin talk of some sort maybe. I remained quiet, in thought. The arm around my shoulders dropped and Connor lit himself a smoke, inhaling and sipping his pint.

"So, ran inta yer Da at church yesterday mornin'. Why weren't ye in attendance young lady?" Connor's question was one out of curiosity, but the look in his eye made me decide to play coy. I wanting to avoid all heavy conversation. I've found that heavy conversations plus alcohol doesn't not go well together for me.

"Beauty sleep." I said, batting my eyes playfully. Murphy started laughing and Connor shook his head.

"It was t'at bad, eh?" Murphy teased, reaching over and nudging my hand with his. My tummy did that somersault thing. "You're a rotten liar, Amelia. You were hung over all ta hell, cause we all know ye don' need yer beauty sleep." I couldn't speak for a second, then I straightened up.

"Well, I had two crazy Irishmen givin' me alcohol all night!" I gave them both accusatory looks and they again, smiled and nodded.

"Aye, t'at we did. Ya coulda refused at anytime." Connor added, shoulder bumping me. I made eye contact with him, noting his eyes were slightly lighter than Murphy's. I guess I stared a little longer than what was sociably acceptable because the dark haired twin cleared his throat.

"Will ye two stahp eye fuckin' each o'ter?" The abrasiveness and sharpness of what Murphy said made me jump and give him an honestly annoyed look. I felt bad a second later though.

"Jesus Murphy!" I snapped, feeling my blush tingle it's way down my cheeks and up to my ears. Oh my god, kill me now.

"Lord's fuckin' name!" The brothers said in unison and I had to give up the momentary annoyance I felt. Connor on the other hand seemed to smirk, casting a side glance at me before motioning to Murphy.

"S'alright lil girl, Murphy's jus'a jealous prick when he don' get all tha attention." Before I knew it, Murphy dropped his cigarette into Connor's unfinished beer and Connor's eyes squinted in anger.

"Stechen! (_Prick!_)" The dark blonde hissed. Murphy now was the one smirking and shrugged, seeming like he didn't care. "Eifersüchtig? Ich wette, ich ihr Kribbeln zu machen. (_Jealous? I bet I make her tingle_.)" I had no clue what Connor was spouting off, but I assumed it was prehaps German? But reguardless of what it was, Murphy slammed his fists into the table and stood. I gripped my beer, suddenly seeing it wasn't the typical taunting. This was serious. I felt my anxiety starting to flair.

"Vas te faire encule Connor! (_Fuck you Connor_!)" Murphy spat back at him, eye brows set and his voice taking on a slightly higher pitch. Wait, they speak French too? "C'est bien, parce que nous savons qui a le plus grand coq!(_It's fine, because we both know who has the bigger cock!_)" At this Connor stood before smacking Murphy on the side of the head, face turning red.

"Das zählt nicht! Ich würde Eis auf mir hatte! (_That doesn't count! I'd had ice on mine!)_" And so this went on for another minuet, each one getting closer and closer to a breaking point. Before I could contain myself, I yelled.

"BOYS!" I slammed my flat palm on the wooden table, adding for dramatic effect. They stopped, along with half the bar. After a second everyone else continued with their conversations and I stared the two twins down. "Will y'all please shut the fuck up?" I sighed and rubbed my face. Wow, I was exhausted just listening to them. Since they were goin' back and forth, I decided to throw one of the few words I knew in another language out there. "Stronzis!(_Assholes!_)"

Murphy and Connor's eye brows rose and they grinned, suddenly looking at one another and back at me. "Mi dispiace.(_I'm sorry._)" They said in unison and I shrugged.

"Va bene.(_It's okay._)" I sighed and took another drink of my beer, basking in the temporary silence.

"So, you know Italian?" Murphy asked, as he lit another cigarette. His dark blue eyes met mine once more, and just like with Connors, I went all fuzzy.

"Merda! (_Shit!)_ I wish. I just know a hand full of things, nothing to get excited about." I grinned and Connor shook his finger at me, touching my chin before announcing his need of a new beer.

"A lit'l tricky t'ing you are." He gave his brother a look before motioning to the car. "Need any more black stuff?" Murphy nodded and slid his glass, looking to mine.

"Aye, get the lass ano'ter one too." Murphy stretched as Connor walked away, then excusing himself to the pisser. I just smiled and took a minuet to crack my back and think about the boys. They were confounding. One minuet they are riling each other up, arguing, then completely okay. My head hurt thinking about it. I was indeed in much trouble with these two. I seen Murphy's pack of cigarettes laying on the table. Neither my mom or Dad smoked, so I wondered what it would be like. Seemed like nearly everyone else in here did. Not saying I am one to fold under social pressures or I go out of my way to fit in, it just looked so...sexy on the boys.

With a mischievous smile, I took one of the cigarettes out of the pack and held it between index and middle finger. The action feeling totally foreign. The whiskey had started to kick in with the beer. I felt very confident but not in a obnoxious way. Oh boy. I giggled and smelled it, didn't smell so bad. Murphy returned a minuet later, eyeing me with a dark look on his face.

"Those'll kill ye." His voice was calmer, and it washed over me in torrents. I grinned sheepishly, licked my lips then put the filter between my lips. Testing out the feel. He watched me closely, I could almost see the wheels turning in his head. "Yer Da would kill us." I didn't meet his eyes and reached my hand out, asking for his zippo. Murphy looked away, muttering something and slowly shaking his head once. He pulled the zippo out, flipped the lid back and ignited it. My eyes were transfixed on the flame for a moment before he extended it to me. I went to take it from him, then grinned again before leaning forward and lit my cigarette on the small flame.

The smoke filled my mouth and I yanked it away. Immediately I felt like an idiot and began fanning the smoke away from me. Murphy on the other hand covered his mouth and got a hold of himself. "Ye gotta inhale it, love. Don' rush it." His smooth words traveled over the table and I studied the smoking stick. Again, I put it to my lips and inhaled as he said. This time it wasn't so bad. When I exhaled, I smiled and blinked. The taste in my mouth wasn't to suit me so I passed it to Murphy.

"Well, I don't think I'll be doing that much anymore." Murphy nodded and took a long drag, then my eyes dropped to his mouth. It dangled between his lips, where my lips had once been. Another flood of heat hit my face and before I could think too much on it, Connor came back balancing the beers. He slid mine over and set Murphy's down in front of him. The dark blond brother sat next to me and he tapped my nose with his finger.

"So, smokin' isn' ye t'ing den?" He looked at me questioningly. I looked at Murphy who smiled, looking down at the ashtray as he flicked. Connor met my eyes again and I smiled.

"No, aparently not. How'd you know?" I took a drink of my beer and fiddled with my hair. Connor grinned around his glass before he set it down.

"Aye, I know every'ting." Another wink and he checked his watch. He shot a look to Murphy and they both looked at me. This never failed to unnerve me.

"I say we finish our beers and we take ye home, Amelia." Murphy spoke up and began lightly tapping his fingers on the table. Conner nodded in agreement and I felt confused. Again. Damnit, did these boys have telepathy or something? I frowned and looked at my cell for the time. It was only 11:58.

I blinked and swallowed the rest down. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and pushed the glass away. I suddenly felt like I was being baby sat. Did I do something wrong? Were they already getting tired of me? I felt my jaw clench but I followed Connor out of the booth and rejoined them by the door once I said my good nights to Doc and Shaun. When Murphy held the door for me, I wrapped my arms tightly around myself. If was cool out. One good thing about tonight, I was sober enough to walk unassisted. after a few steps down the side walk, I stopped and looked at them.

"Did I do something?" I sucked my bottom lip in between my teeth and Connor wrapped his arm around my shoulders. They seemed slightly amused.

"No, not at all. Jus' don' want ya stumbling home and yer Da ready to kill us." Murphy said as he came around to my other side and gripped my hand. I felt the shiver that went down my spine as Connor held my other and and they lead me along. Listen, I don't give a shit what anyone says. To have one Macmanus brother holding your hand is one thing, but to have both. I think the whole walk home I did nothing but obsess over the feeling. Their hands were callused and I cocked my head, 30 feet from the apartment ground door. I slowed to a stop and ran my thumbs up and under there thumbs. They too slowed and forced us to stop, giving me curious looks as i blindly felt their hands with mine.

"Ye turn inta a flirt when ye drink Amelia, shame on ye." Murphy teased, Connor nodding his agreement. I snorted and rolled my eyes, bringing their hands up so I could see theirs. The street light was bright enough. I studied the tattoos on their hands but my focus was the calluses. There wasn't no other explanation.

"That's interestin' boys." I whispered, face getting serious. They exchanged a humorous look.

"Palm reader, huh?" Connor asked.

They let me rotate their palms around and I wondered..."I'm trying to decide what caliber you shoot." I grinned, enjoying seeing them both left speechless. I let our arms drop and I started dragging them to the door. They weren't smiling but I sensed they weren't mad, either. Their body language told me something about them just then. They were uncomfortable and I must have hit a nerve, so I aimed for a joke. "Oh c'mon you guys, I know it ain't a pea shooter or anythin'." I squeezed their hands and leaned up to kiss each on the cheek. I felt bad now, but I was trying to hide it.

"Want us ta walk ya up?" Murphy asked quietly, scratching the back of his neck. I looked at the door for a second and didn't see the need for it.

"Just a flight of stairs. I got it from here. Thanks for tonight." I let the confident facade slip and little and took a deep breath. "I've never really had male friends before, or much of a friend period. I hope..."

"It's alrigh' lass, we know. You sleep tight alrigh'?" Connor cut me off, but his tone was warm as he reached out and squeezed my shoulder. I smiled and Murphy nodded to me his goodnight as they left me there, wondering what the fuck had just happened. As I started to sturn around, I heard Murphy shout.

"What do ye t'ink we shoot?" I gave it a second and turned, the boys were walking backwards waiting. I smirked and cleared my throats.

"45's...Twin 45's."

Connor gave Murphy a look and they waved again, before turning a corner and out of my sight.

****Pistol Annies - I Feel a Sin Comin' On ****


	5. Rusty Cage

**A/N: And nooooooow it starts getting interesting.  
Hope you all enjoy this update.  
I enjoyed writing this chapter. Hugs!**  
**Disclaimer: I own nothing BDS**

_"You wired me awake & hit me with a hand of broken nails_  
_You pulled my lead & tied my chain & watched my blood begin to boil_  
_But I'm gonna break, I'm gonna break my, Gonna break my rusty cage..._  
_And run" _

Chapter 5: Rusty Cage

"Aaaaand the hero kisses the girl and everything is all rainbows and fluffy bunnies." I said out loud as the movie ended on tv. I yawned and looked at the clock, uhg. 8:40 pm. Still early. Tonight was my night 'off'. Doc told me to not worry about coming in tonight. It had been a few weeks since I have been helping at the pub down the street. So here I am, on a Saturday night, alone. Even my Dad was out with a few colleagues. But I have to admit, this couch is awesome to turn into a blob on.

I had already pigged out on pizza and chips. My cellphone hasn't even beeped or buzzed. Suddenly I felt kind of lonely. If I were back home, I'd be getting Shamrock settled back into his stall for the night. I sighed and rubbed my face. I flipped the channel on the old tv in the living room and settled for some cartoon. It was better than another corny chick flick. I had also already sped through the pretest for my final 'tests'. I'll ace those suckers then I'll technically be a high school graduate. Oh joy.

After a while, my eyelids started to droop and I decided to give in. Sleep was always good stuff. I dug my back into the cushions and pulled the throw blanket up around me. My feet barely dangled over the arm, but damn I felt like a warm puddle of ooze. I took a deep breath and openly welcomed sleep.

Hours later, I was woken up to a very obnoxious sound. I grunted and opened my eyes. I heard the sound again, realizing it was someone banging on the door. Alarmed, I swung past the kitchen counter where Dad kept his .380. I loaded it and looked out the peep hole. Luckily it wasn't some stranger. I'd hate to take on someone in cotton pajama shorts and an old sleep shirt.

It was Murphy and Connor. I smiled and my aggravation instantly dissapeared. I unlocked the door and swung it open. They smiled and Connor held up a bottle of whiskey.

"Would ya spare us some time ta talk about our friend and savior, Jameson?" Connor cracked up and I motioned for them to walk in. As they passed me on their way to the couch, they kissed my cheek. I smiled as I watched them slightly stumble to the couch and collapse.

I shut the door and re-locked it. "So, what are y'all doin' at my door at...10 at night?" I asked, fetching them two glasses from the cabinet. I also set the gun back where it belonged after unloading it and sliding the bullet back into the clip.

"Aye, we were at McGinty's an ol' Murphy ere decided he d'int like tha way another lad was lookin' at 'em." I walked over around the couch and handed them each a glass and sat on the coffee table, looking at them. Sure enough, they had been in a fight. Connor's nose had been bleeding and Murphy's eye brow was cut. I cringed and shook my head. The brother's were pouring them each a drink.

"Can't y'all ever stay out of trouble? C'mere." I motioned to Connor and he took his coat off, scooting to the edge of the couch. I wedged my legs between his and grabbed his chin. He winced as I tilted his face up, noting the small cut on his lip. "Well, your nose isn't broke and your lip will be healed up in a week probably. Gonna be sore as hell tomorrow." His blue eyes were glossy from alcohol but they twinkled with the usual happiness that always resided there.

"Fuckin' bastard." Murphy randomly ground out, touching his eye brow. It was still bleeding and he seemed a little worse off than his twin. I would need paper towels. I patted Connor quickly on the cheek and jumped up to grab the first aid kit and a hand ful of paper towels. When I returned I sat across from Murphy who was carefully nursing his whiskey. He looked like he was almost pouting. I did the same with him as I did Connor. I slid in between his legs and he sat up so I could get a good look.

"I really hope the other guy looks worse than you." I whispered as I made eye contact with him. He grinned and looked at Connor.

"Ye could say t'at." Murphy swallowed the rest of the whiskey and set his glass beside me on the table. I grabbed the first aid kit and opened it, pulling out alcohol wipes and butterfly strips. I dipped one of the paper towels in my long forgotten glass of water before using it to clean off his face.

"Ol' Murph ere knocked 'em cold. Fuckin' Mike Tyson 'e is." Connor patted Murphy on the back one good time before standing to hang his coat up beside the door. "Hope Carrin don' get mad at us fer comin' o'er to get aid and have a few drinks." He paused and noticed the gun on the counter, I grinned.

"He won't mind. Murphy, ya might wanna take your coat off darlin." I stopped wiping and tugged it off his shoulders gently. Murphy pulled his arms out and Connor swooped it up from behind him. I returned my attention to the brother in front of me and started wiping the rest of the dried blood off his cheek. I was quiet for a moment, feeling my stomach twist. I got to freely touch Murphy's face. I felt my cheeks starting to burn, he was watching me with a serious look on his face.

"Ye used to playin' nurse maid?" His voice was soft. I smiled again and shook my head.

"Not really, just where our farm is...it's a good hour drive to the nearest hospital. So, we learned to take care of the minor things." Once all the blood was gone, I tore open a alcohol wipe and wrinkled my nose at the sterile smell. "This aint gonna tickle. Squeeze my knee is you want." I offered, but I didn't think he would. Murphy's dark blue eyes seemed like stone before he changed his mind last second. His warm right hand enveloped my left knee. I hesitated for just a second before I touched the cut. He hissed and squeezed. I winced but didn't stop. I hadn't even noticed Connor come to sit back down.

"Fuck!" Murphy yelled as I set the dirty wipe aside. His eyes were shut for a second before snapping his fingers at Connor. "Whiskey!" Connor nodded and refilled their cups as he held a rag with ice to his lip. I see he's been rummaging the kitchen.

" 'Ere ya go." He said in a brotherly way, reaching the glass to Murphy. I let Murphy have a long drink before I pulled him closer to me again. I gently touched his brow on both sides of the cut, slightly pulling the skin apart. As I had suspected, it would need stitches.

"Damn." I hissed, searching through the box and finding a stitch kit. I held it up and Murphy for a second looked like he was going to cry, Corror shook his head.

"Aye, tha's not good."

I snorted and rolled my eyes, pulling the gloves out and putting them on. Surely this can't be much different than sewing or tieing a fishing hook, right? Then Murphy held up his hand, stopping me.

"Yer serious? You've done t'is before?"

I was a rotten liar. "Suuuure." I popped the laminated package open, holding the needle and the suture. I skimmed the instructions briefly and threaded the line through the needle. "We lave no lidacane. So...you're gonna feel it. That cut is really deep though, but it should only require a few...maybe four at the most." I know my voice gave my insecurity about doing this away, but I had my mind set on it.

Murphy looked me in the eye and nodded. I seen him reach for Connor and they grasped hands. The sight made my heart swell. They might fight alot between them, but they were brothers. Deep inside I envied them. I was an only child and I'd never have that kind of connection with someone. "Okay, here we go." I swallowed the lump in my throat and stuck the needle in, wincing as Murphy grabbed my knee with his other hand again. I would have bruises. When the needle connected with the other side of the cut he growled. "I'm sorry hun." I whispered, looking to Connor. The dark blonde brother gave me an encouraging look and I kept going.

10 minuets later, I tied up the last stitch and had to wipe the sweat off my brow. Sweet mother that was way too nerve wracking. Murphy was pale and shaking, but he apologized for every time he called me a bitch. I hadn't paid no mind to it, Connor was nursing his sore hand. I would be handling my knee carefully the next few days, but I tried to play it off so Murphy wouldn't feel any worse. I cleaned up the napkins and wipes, then put the first aide kit up. While the brothers mumbled between them in another language, I grabbed me a glass too. I walked back to them and they cut their conversation short when I wiggled in between them.

"I never want to do that again, assholes." I grunted and poured me a little bit of whiskey. I downed it in one go and set my glass beside the bottle. Murphy looped his arm through mine and held my hand. I watched him as he studied it and them kissed each of my knuckles softly. I felt my heart catch in my throat and I blinked, trying not to seem like a complete eejit. His voice broke the silence on the couch.

"Queste sono le mani di un angelo. E 'che ha guarito questo corpo ferito. Grazie.(T_hese are the hands of an angel. She who's healed this wounded body. Thank you._)" As he said this, Connor grabbed my other hand and did the same.

"Carissima Amelia, hai il nostro ringraziamento e il nostro favore, un prezioso. (_Dearest Amelia, you have our thanks and our favor, precious one.)_" Connor gave one last kiss to my middle knuckle and smiled, he then shared a look with Murphy. I wanted to ask what it was that they'd just said...I'd heard a thank you in there...but deep down it was too beautiful to risk it not being something super romantic or cheesy. So, I just sheepishly grinned and shrugged.

"You're welcome boys." I let out a small giggle and they fell silent for a bit, not bothering to top the glasses off. I leaned my head back and relaxed. They still held my hands and at some point Murphy had started flipping through the tv channels. I closed my eyes and pulled my feet in and tucked them under me. When I had to let go of their hands to pull the cover over me, Connor pulled my head into his lap.

"Get ye some shut eye Amelia, you've been good ta us. Night lil girl." He leaned down and kissed my forehead. I smiled at him, then looked to Murphy who kissed my hand. I gave one for him too, sighing as Murphy pulled my legs into his lap so I could be stretched out. I felt Murphy's hands kneading my calves and Connor running his finger's through my hair. Deep down I felt a pang of emotion I wasn't used to. Affection? Trust? These two guys just whirled themselves into my life like a tornado. They chose to be here. But why though? Why me? These two could easily be taking women home and doing whatever it was that they do. The thought kind of made me jealous, but I shook it off.

They were men, I wasn't quite up to par with their level yet. Not just for the age thing, but experience. These two were magnets. I always noticed the women who would follow them with their eyes, whispering to their friends. I'd seen some men look at them too in the same way. I smiled to myself and shifted, finally satisfied with my position. But those same people would also look at me too. Wondering how I fit in to the equation. After these past few weeks, I was starting to wonder too. But right now, I am going to enjoy the attention and the nirvana the twins were putting me in.

As sleep pulled me further down into a daze, I swear I heard the sound of thunder. It sounded like it was miles away. Echoing through mountains, like the summer storms in West Virginia. Suddenly I was on the farm. The air was muggy and it had to be late. I was barefooted in the feild behind the house. I could smell the wildflowers that swayed in the wind. The sky above me seemed different. Lightening streaked above me, then loud crashing thunder pounded it's way through the hills. I felt it in my chest. My heart seemed to beat in time with the clashing above me.

I looked around me again, I was home but it felt...distant. Something was different. But it escaped me. Then I looked down. I was in a white cotton gown, like the ones I used to sleep in as a child. I touched the material, soft just like I remembered. Then more violent clashing above me and I looked once more to the heavens. Rain poured down, soaking me through. I squinted, the light being so bright.

Then I seen it, it made my breath stop and I had to fight the urge to scream. Angels. They were clad in armor and fighting other angels. I realized it wasn't lightening, it was clash of the titans up there.

I stumbled back and fell over myself, landing in the mud. I couldn't tear my eyes off the sight above me. It was terrifyingly beautiful. Time slowed down and I watched the rain drips fall around me, then with another loud boom the sky began turning angry red. The rain turned into blood and I was frozen in my place. My white gown was soaked red and I could smell it, all over me. Finally, a scream ripped it's way from my chest...

I jerked awake and clawed myself away from the arms which held me. My legs were possessed as I kicked and yelled. I blinked the tears from my eyes and found my feet, trying to run for safety. My shin hit the coffee table and over I went, taking the other small table with the only lamp in the living room with me. I hadn't heard Connor or Murphy, but I heard the crash as the porcelain lamp shattered on the hard wood. The room was submerged in darkness. I was breathing heavily and I seen white spots. I couldn't see the boys anymore and the only thing I could hear was my heart beat. When a strong hand grabbed my arm, I panicked. I jerked my arm down and swung a right at whoever had me. I felt it connect and I stumbled back again.

Arms caught me and I screamed...then nothing.

*****Johnny Cash - Rusty Cage*****


	6. The Gift

**A/N: Holy shit, I am tiiiired.  
Its 7:30 am and I have been at this ALL night.  
O.O Hope you all enjoy. **  
**Disclaimer: I own nothing BDS. **

_"I'm outta reasons to believe in me_  
_I'm outta tryin' to get by_  
_I'm so afraid of the gift you give me_  
_I don't belong here and I'm not well_  
_And I'm so afraid of this lie I'm living_  
_Right on the wrong side of it all.."_

Chapter 6 : The Gift

_Beep._

_Beep._

_Beep._

That sound is really annoying. I grunted in resistance to the sound, then I heard something shift. I felt my chest squeeze and my eyes shot open. I sat straight up and was startled to see curtains drawn around me, and my father sitting next to me. He grabbed my hand and stood. What had happened. Panic had me again and Dad began shushing me.

"Easy now, lass. I got ye." His voice was warm and he pulled me in, smoothing my hair down.

"Dad?" I croaked out, needing answers. "Why...How'd I get here?" I tried to pull away, and finally he loosened his grip and sat back in the chair. His blue eyes were circled in darkened skin and bags were hanging under. He was exhausted. I'm sure I looked like quite a sight. Without seeing or touching, I could feel my hair was all over the place. This hospital gown was a sight, too. I had an IV in my arm too. Really? I hated needles on myself and felt queasy.

"What's the last t'ing you remember Amelia?" He asked, wrapping my right hand up in both of his. I furrowed my brows then winced, why the hell did my face hurt? I licked my lips and touched my left cheek with my free hand. OUCH! I winced and looked to him. "Black eye." He replied, a little anger laced in his voice. "But go on, whats tha last t'ing you remember?"

I thought long and hard on it. I remember the boys coming over. I stitched Murphy up. They were drunk, I had one drink...then nothing. The harder I tried to remember it, the more shaky I became. Did I fall or something?

"Uh, I remember Connor and Murphy comin' over. They had been in a fight. I'd stitched up Murphy's eye brow. We sat on the couch, had one drink with them after I played nurse...my nerves had been shot. Then I think I fell asleep." I closed my eyes and noticed how dry my mouth was. Head was kind of hurting too. "That's all I can remember. I feel like there should be more but for the life of me, I can't remember Dad." He nodded and patted my hand. He wore his usual slacks, but he had a sweater on and his hat.

His mouth was drawn in a tight line. I withdrew my hand from his and gingerly rubbed my eyes. I felt as if I had lost something. The feeling nagged at me, making me restless. Obviously the old man was aggravated about something.

"How'd I get a black eye?" I asked, genuinely curious. Hello, my poor face! Dad sat back in his chair and fidgeted. Thumbing the pulled thread on the seams of slacks. I waited impatiently as he looked for the words to say.

"I was gettin' ready to start on my way home when da boys called me. Said you'd fallen asleep and woke up in a fit. Said ye were stumblin' all 'oer tha place. Scared 'em. Connor explained how he'd tried ta restrain ya from gettin hurt but ye' landed a solid one ta his jaw. Murphy finally grabbed ye and Connor knocked ye out." And now I knew why he was angry. But, I had done all that? That didn't sound like me. I'd never thrown a proper punch my whole life. Confusion and anger ripped through me before it settled down. I groaned and laid back down.

"That's...crazy." I mumbled, shaking my head slowly. "I punched Connor?" I asked, needing to hear my Dad confirm it.

"Aye, he had a right nice welt too. I bet it'll be a nice bruise by now. An' I'm glad." The venom in his voice quickly dissipated when I shot him a stern look. I was a little irritated myself, but Connor would never intentionally hurt me unless it had to happen. I know this, my heart knew it too.

"He wouldn't do this out of spite Dad, not to me." I paused and wrapped my arms around myself. "I must have been totally out of it." My voice was soft as I tried hard to remember anything. I looked down and noticed the little bit of bruising skin on my knuckles. Indeed I had hit him.

"When I got home, they had laid ye on the couch. They were right panicked. Scared the shite outta me. I had seen tha living room and thought tha worst...gave them a right ringin'." He looked up at me and sighed. An apology written all over his face. "I'm sure I'll be havin' to say a sorry soon." I nodded and motioned for him to continue. "Thought Murphy was gon' ta cry at one point. I called an ambulance and they stayed until the EMT's got ye on a stretcher. Ye were out cold. The boy's offered ta follow to da hospital but I made a few threats..."

"Dad!" I groaned and felt my heart drop a little. He held his hand up in surrender.

"I know, I know!" He said defensively and stood. He pulled out his pocket watch and shook it. "I'll go call em. I'm sure tey are worried sick. T'ink they've had enough time to stew..." Again, I gave him my 'I'm pissed all to hell' glare.

"Yes, call them! I want to see them. Shame on you Dad!" I could just see Murphy and Connor, ashen faces and apologies falling out of theirs mouths with every breath. My gut twisted. It was apparent to me now how much I adored them...they are the only real friends I have ever had. My Dad excused himself, then another man walked in. His long white coat and stethoscope tipped me off. Doctor. He better not be trying to stick me again, had I been awake for the IV I would have fought like hell. I internally shivered knowing I had one.

The man was tall and actually quite handsome for an older man. His salt and pepper hair was very fitting for him. He had soft brown eyes and must be avid in the gym. His shoulders and arms were taught under his scrubs.

"Hello Amelia. I'm Doctor Harris, call me Tony if you want. Formalities are for the birds." He sat down on a squeaky stool and toed himself close to my bedside.

"Howdy." I said, not feeling the need for the pretensive patient act. Tony didn't seem to mind it, he got right down to business.

"Alrighty, well first thing's first. How do you feel?" After he asked, he slightly slouched and seemed comfortable.

"Fine I guess, just a tiny headache and my face hurts." It was the truth, it'd be nice if he had a pill for memory loss. Dr. Tony nodded and took out a small light and rolled it between his hands.

"It's typical to have a lingering headache after some head trauma, the sore face we can chalk up to the shiner you are rocking so well by the way. Very...rough around the edges." He winked and I smiled. "So your father gave me the details about what had happened, said you'd woken up from a pretty lively nightmare?" I just shrugged and pulled the hospital blanket away from my legs and moved to the edge of the bed so he could get a look at me.

"Wish I could confirm it, I can't remember anythin' about waking up or tearing down half the furniture in our living room." I wiggled my nose as he stood and clicked on the light. He checked my eyes and I followed his finger.

"Well..." He paused his words while he turned the light off and stuck it back into his pocket. "You've suffered a minor concussion. Don't think it was from the black eye, you've got a pretty good bump on the back of your head. I'm going to assume that's why you can't remember anything." He took out his stethoscope and I tugged my gown down enough for him to stick the cold metal to my skin. "The black eye will go away after a week or so, just put some cold steaks on it and you'll be fine." The humor in his voice made me grin despite myself.

"I'll do that, nothin' better for pores than raw meat." I joked back and he smiled, with drawing the instrument.

"Haha, yes ma'am. I'm sure you'll regain that little bit of memory you've lost. Being back home might trigger it, or you wont ever get it back." He gave me a small smile. "By the sounds of it, you might not want to remember it." Tony looked thoughtful for a minuet then took out a small prescription pad and scrawled some stuff on it. "I'm going to write you a prescription for some light pain killers. I am also going to give you my card..." He ripped the piece of paper off and handed it to me, along with a little business card. "If you have more dreams like the one, I want you to come back. A simple sleep aide might be the trick."

I stared at the papers in my hand and scrunched my nose again. "Thank you, but I have never had a dream like that before. I mean, I can't remember it...but I know before this I've never been much of a vivid dreamer. Maybe it was just a freak occurrence?" I said hopefully, I really did not want a repete performance. Tony tapped the card.

"Could be, or it could be something more serious. But do contact me if you have another one. I have a wonderful team." The doctor smiled and motioned to the curtain. "You can go home whenever your ready, I am going to finish making my rounds and the nurses will handle your paperwork. I hope you feel better Amelia and you get some rest." He stretched his hand out and I shook it, feeling like I was just Jedi mind tricked...in a good way. As he left, I looked around for my clothing and seen nada. Great.

A few minuets later Dad returned and seemed relieved. I gave him a small smile in return, still kind of mad he'd jumped the boy's asses. "Ran inta the doctor, said yer free ta leave. I got ye pajama shorts, figured ye can jus' put my coat on o'er it till we get home." My face fell and I huffed. I didn't really have much of a choice.

"Tell me you at least have shoes for me?" I asked, and he nodded.

"Grabbed ye boots on tha way out tha door." Thank god. I nodded and then remembered.

"Call the boys?" I asked hopeful and he rolled his eyes.

"Aye, I told em you gave me a ringin and said I was sorry. Said we'd be home in a bit. They said they had ta work but they'd be o'er directly after." I smiled and hopped off the bed. I slipped into my shorts and stepped into my boots. I'd seen I still had my sports bra on so I shrugged out of the gown and took Dad's heavy wool coat. It was rather big on me but comforting. I buttoned it up and didn't even care about my hair.

We signed papers and got into Dad's old Buick. It took us about 30 minuets to get home in the morning traffic. We had to stop and get my prescription filled, too. So that added a few extra minuets. When we got back, he insisted on helping me up the stairs. I let him, knowing it would help him with the whole 'father duty' feeling he got. But, I didn't really mind. I know I'm lucky to have a good parent, well two good parent. SHIT! Mom! I froze right as I got in the door.

"What about Mom? Did you call her?" My eyes were large but he pushed me towards the couch. Then I seen the mess. It shocked me. Sure enough the pretty lamp was in a million pieces all over the floor, the tiny wooden table knocked over. I flinched, seeing the damage. "Damnit." I stated.

Dad brought me over a glass of water and a pill from the bottle I'd gotten. "Ye sure do no how ta bring tha house down, lass. S'okay though. Can replace a lamp, not you." He kissed my forehead and went to go get his broom and dust pan. "Called yer Ma, told 'er you were fine. Said you'd slipped and hit yer head on the furniture..." He trailed off, and I gaped at him after I swallowed the pain killer.

"You ACTUALLY lied to Mom?" I blurted out. He looked shameful but pointed his finger at me, blue eyes seeming to light up.

"Hey, I'm na proud of it...but yes. I lied." He gave me a pensive look and scratched the five o'clock shadow on his face. "Knew I had ta do it. You looked as if ye'd tear me into fer gettin onto tha boys. If she'da known about it, you'd never see em again. Her wrath is biblical." Though my father was completely serious and 100% accurate, I had to laugh.

"Ain't that the truth!" I chuckled and took a deep breath, seeing the living room slowly light up with the rising sun. Yesterday felt like ages ago. "But thank you, Dad." For a moment we shared a look and then he went about his business. I made my way to my room, where I promptly passed out.

* * *

That pain killer must really have some good mojo because I slept all the way up until the evening. When I woke up, I heard voices through my bedroom door. I felt kind of groggy but made my way to my feet. I wiped the little bit of slobber off my mouth and strained my ears. The heavy Irish accents told me that it must me Murphy and Connor. I smiled. Then I got nervous, I really hoped they weren't upset at me for the ass chewing my Dad said he gave them. Uhg! Well better get it over with.

I kept my shorts on from the night before and threw on a muscle shirt. I checked myself over in the mirror and gasped. I looked terrible. No wonder Dad was so upset. My left eye was bruised angrily and slightly swollen. I winced as I touched it and sighed. "Well shit." I mumbled. I looked like I'd been on the bad end of 15 rounds. I hastily pulled my hair up on top of my head and secured it with an elastic. I took note of the bruised knee and shin too. How'd I get the bruised shin? Hard telling. With a deep breath, I eased my door open and three sets of eyes met me.

I gave them a small grin but it completely fell with I seen the faces on the boys. They looked terrible. They too had bags under their eyes and the lack of sleep rolled off them. Sure they were hung over too. Murphy's face was scattered in bruises from the bar fight, and Connor wasn't much better. I took note of the new purple bruise making it's way known on Connor's jaw. I took a few steps and licked my lips.

"Guess we match now, huh?" I said. I tried cracking a joke, but the wind was quickly knocked out of me after arms swallowed me whole. Connor had me in a vice grip.

"Amelia, I am so sorry. I'd never hurt ye on purpose, love." He pulled away for a moment to inspect my face. I felt a little deja vu as he grabbed my chin and tilted my face up to look at him. His eyes said it all. He was mad at himself and regretful. Connor gently touched my face with his other hand. I tried not to gently jerk away when he touched the bruise, but it hurt. Again, he pulled me in and planted a long kiss to my forehead. "So sorry, Ná arís, aingeal beag ...(_Never again, little angel.._)" I felt terrible.

"I'm okay Connor, really." I tried to passify him. After he started letting me go I reached up and patted his face. "Really, I'm okay. I can't remember anythin'." I tried to make light of it, but he seemed offended.

"Nota big deal? Amelia, you got a concussion! Yer Da told us!" Connor argued, but I groaned and looked around him to my Dad who stood at the island counter in the kitchen. I glared at him. I righted myself and looked right back at Connor.

"It was a MINOR concussion and your fist didn't do it. Most likely me hittin' the floor or.."

"Was da coffee table." Murphy said just loud enough to be heard. I brought my arms out and huffed.

"M'kay, the coffee table. I'm fine. No walkin around me like I am goin' to break or have a seizure or somethin'!" I took a breath and scratched my good eye brow. "If'n I take to a seizure, surround my ass with pillows and take a video." This made Connor's face drop.

"It t'at possible?" Fear laced itself in his words and I had to snort, letting out a laugh.

"No Connor, I was just jerkin' your chain hun. Calm down." I grinned and leaned up, kissing his cheek. He didn't say much else, letting me get to the other Macmanus brother needing a hug. Murphy looked unsure for a moment as I came to stand in front of him. His eyes averted from mine and I felt my heart sink. I seen out of the corner of my eyes as Dad pulled Connor towards the door. When the door clicked, I looked back to Murphy. From these past few weeks I have learned hie's the more hot headed one, and he was the hardest with dealing with emotions. He was standing there, reminding me of a scolded little boy.

"Hey..." I said, reaching out and grabbing his wrist. I gently shook it and stepped in closer. He looked up, eyes mirroring what his brother's had. Angry and sad. I gave him a small smile and pulled him in for a hug. After a second he gripped me tightly and I took him in. Murphy smelled like cigarettes, but I didn't mind. For a minuet we stood there in silence and he pulled away, examining my face. I waited for him to say something, but he sighed and pulled me back in. My insides were melting. The attention these two gave me rendered me speechless most the time. I adored them both, but they also caused conflicting feelings deep within me. Sometimes Murphy had me feeling like this, then other times it was Connor.

But my thoughts were held back ad Murphy's hand wrapped itself at the base of my head. His finger's slid gently into my hair line and gripped. My reaction was to hold onto him tighter. He was searching for the words, settling more to show me. I nodded and snuggled my nose into his gray shirt. "Bhí tú ar mo aigne an lá ar fad a bhí buartha, cailín óg tinn.(Y_ou were on my mind all day, was worried sick dearest girl._)" Once again, I had no clue about what was said, but the tone of his voice tipped me off to it being sweet. I smiled and pulled away, looking up at his beautiful face.

"I have no clue what that meant, but it sure sounded purdy." I played up my accent and he finally gave me a smile. I touched his face and looked at his eye brow. "How're you?" I asked, genuinely curious. Murphy just rolled his eyes and pulled me in for a kiss to the temple.

"You get ye'self concussed and yer worried bout my stitches?" He made it sound as if it was ridiculous, asshole!

"Well yeah! I'm proud of my handy work, fuck tard." I growled at him playfully and Murphy shook his head. He took a deep breath and cast another look at my black eye.

"It's fine. Pretty sure ye Da and Con went ta get some dinner. Need anythin?" The little glint in his dark blue eyes told me he was indeed changing the subject, and I'd play along for now.

"Alright. Well, I am goin' to go get a shower while we wait. I'm nasty." I wrinkled my face and took a few steps away. Then I stopped, turning back to face him. He was about to light a cigarette. "I told Dad you two would never harm me by choice. I dunno what happened, but I am sure it freaked you the hell out...but thank you for doin' what you did. I'll tell him too." I scratched my neck nervously and then continued on to find fresh clothes and a shower.

*****Seether - The Gift *****


	7. Into The Nothing

**A/N: I was a little iffy about this one.  
I am a bit distracted, have a lot goin' on in my life atm.  
I had to force myself through this chapter.  
Hope you enjoy it though. Forgive all typo's I didn't see, please. Hugs!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing BDS.**

_"Screaming on the inside_  
_I am frail and withered_  
_Cover up the wounds_  
_That I cant hide_  
_Walls that lie between us_  
**_The saint within the sinner_**  
_I have lost the nerve_  
_But it's all right_  
_Carry the wounded and shut your eyes_  
_All will be forgiven_  
_None will rise_  
_Bury the fallen and lead the blind_  
_I will fight the loss_  
_Dead inside"_

Chapter 7: Into The Nothing

I took a break from McGinty's for a few days. Doc had sent me flowers and a note that said he didn't wanna see me until a week later. So I had made the best of the time. I had started healing up nice, my black eye was just a lingering weird yellow bruise. Everyday it seemed lighter and lighter. Went to the local high school and took my big tests. Like I had predicted, I passed and now I officially a graduate. Mom had been happy and had promised to take me out to celebrate when the tour brought her to Boston. I would be happy to see her. I missed her.

But right now, I locked the apartment behind me and headed to 'work'. I had settled for comfortable tonight. Worn in jeans with the knees worn out, an old tight gray tee shirt and the old faithful boots. My hair was braided off to one side and I hadn't bothered with much makeup. The sky was glowing with the city lights, wasn't so bad here at 9pm. I kept my eyes peeled as I walked across streets and didn't relax until I seen the neon lights. I walked in casually and made my way straight to the bar, ducking under the corner and Shaun's smile greeted me. He gave me a friendly hug and grunted when Doc shoved him out of the way.

"Get yer own gal!" He chuckled as he kissed my cheek and squeezed me around the middle. His eyes studied me, pushing his glasses up. "Boys told me ye had quite a scare." I smiled and shrugged, patting his shoulder.

"I'm fine. Just a lil bump on the head. Fit for duty though." I grinned and picked up a tray of dirty glasses. "I'll start gettin these washed. Be back in a bit." My eyes looked around, busy as usual. Some of the usual's took a moment to welcome me back, I thanked them and pushed the flap doors open so I could get to the small kitchen area. I set the tray down and ran some water then added a generous amount of soap. I kept at this pace for quite a while, time had flown by. When the glasses were all washed and dried, I carried them a tray at time back to Doc. People had thinning out and I frowned. It was only 1 am. That's odd.

I came up behind Doc to grab the broom on his other side, but he help up his hand and nodded towards the door. "Howa bout ye call it an early night, lass?" His voice seemed to waver and I looked around again, before turning my back to the patrons and dropping my voice.

"Everythin' alright Doc?" I grabbed his hand and squeezed, he seemed shifty. The old man huffed and motioned to Shaun.

"Aye, it's f-f-fine girl. Just need ya outta here. Got some...company comin' in. Want ye ta be gone by t'en. SHIT! Unsavory sort tey are." My stomach flopped at the look on his face. He was worried, maybe even scared. Before I could argue with him, I heard the familiar voices of my boys behind me as they greeted everyone. Doc seen them too, but grabbed both of my arms and corralling me to the counter. "Don't ye worry yer pretty lil face girl. It'll be fine. This s-sorta t'ing happens. Gonna have Shaun get ye to your door."

I stomped my foot and gave him a mean look. "Damnit Doc, you're scaring me! What's goin' on?" My outburst did not fall on deaf ears, Doc flinched. I was ready to grab onto something and hang onto it, but I heard Connor behind me.

"C'mon Amelia." The usual tones of warmth and kindness were barely noticeable. I whipped my head around to see both the brothers standing there, faces devoid of emotion. I sighed, knowing I had been outweighed. I gritted my teeth and looked back at Doc. I was scared. I'd heard the rumors floating around. Hard not to when you work in a pub. Local gangs and mobs were moving in on the area trying to gain control of small businesses. I knew Doc had been approached but he'd told me they didn't get much in word wise with him.

"I mean it Doc, you better be careful." I said, ducking under the counter. When I stood up straight, the boys and him were waiting for Shaun to hurry up and pull his jacket on. I looked at Murphy and he gave me a sympathetic smile. I huffed and pulled him away. "What the fuck's goin on Murphy?" I hissed. The man shared a look with Connor, and whatever it had meant..Connor wasn't happy about it.

"Jus' business. We're stayin ta make sure it stays civil." Murphy whispered, serious look still on his face. What the hell? I felt aggravated and pissed. I was worried and I had to leave. I didn't want to be wrapped up in anything illegal but I knew if something happened to any of them, I wanted to be here.

"Does this have anythin' to do with the rumors goin around...the Russians or somethin?" I didn't need an answer, Connor's face told me everything I had needed to know. "Damnit!" I growled and felt panicked. I grabbed their hands and pulled them into me for a hug. "Be careful, please. Let me know what happens." I paused and pulled away. Shaun tapped my shoulder and gently grabbed my arm. I let him drag me away, calling behind me. "Call me!"

I grumbled as Shaun wrapped his arm around my shoulders. We got five steps out the door when he stiffened. "What's wrong?" I asked, then I seen it. Three huge guys in suits walking towards us. I too felt my stomach drop. With a quick scan, I knew they were packing heat.

"That's them." Shaun set his eyes straight ahead, and I did my best to do the same. As they went to pass beside us, my eyes caught the middle one's. The moment slowed down and I felt dirty. His black eyes seemed to pierce me and I shivered. For a moment in time I felt like I could reach out and chip all the dirt and filth from his soul. I felt tension build in my body and I shivered. I heart my heart beat quickening and I was numb. Then thunder. I jumped, an unexplained fear gripping me and I stopped walking.

Shaun stopped for a second, then tugged me forward. "What te hell?" He hissed, trying to get me to my Dad's apartment. I felt myself moving forward and blinked.

"Thunder, scared me." I said low, fighting the urge to run the rest of the way home. The tall blonde Irishman kept a tight grip on me as we rounded the corner. One block away now.

"T'ere wasn't any thunder, Amelia." I blinked and furrowed my eye brows. I wanted to argue with him, but the look on his face warned me otherwise. His eyes were scanning our surroundings as he pulled me along. We didn't speak any more. When we got to the ground level door, Shaun motioned for me to go on up. I hugged him bye and went inside. I didn't stop until I was at the apartment door. I dug around in my pocket and pulled out the key ring. My hands were shaking. What the hell was wrong with me?

When the key slid into the lock and I twisted it, I nearly stumbled inside. I forgot my Dad was home. I quieted my efforts and locked the door behind me. I slid the chain over on the slide lock then took a step backwards. I just stared at the metal door and felt my heart rate slowly adjusting back to normal.

"Melia?" My Dad's voice startled me as I jumped and dropped my keys. He smiled until he seen the tears prickling my eyes. He was in his pajama's and his thinning hair was sticking up in odd places. "What's wrong?" He asked as he walked up to me and pulled me into a hug. "Why're ye shaking?" I'm still shaking? I wanted to say what I had seen, why I was scared. But, words got strangled in my throat and I just cried. Dad went to guide me to my room but I ducked from his arms, walking into the kitchen to dig out the .380. "Wha' the bloody hell ye need t'at fer?" He asked, suddenly wide awake.

"Peace of mind." I choked, letting him take me to my room. He flipped the light on and I sat down. I leaned over and set the gun beside my alarm clock on my bedside table. He eyed it and grabbed my hand.

"What happened? Someone grab ye or somethin?" The protective father came out quick and I shook my head, throwing my hands up.

"No Dad, I'm fine...it's just I am worried about Doc and the boys." I sniffled and used the collar of my shirt to wipe my face. "I went to work, then at 1, Doc said I needed to leave. Somethin' about business comin' in. Didn't want me around." I bit my lip and continued wiping my eyes while Dad processed the information. To my horror, he didn't seem surprised. "Why are you not worried right now?" I yelled, he scratched his head. "Dad?!"

Dad looked weary as he wiped his palms on his pajama pants. I stared at him, did he know something about this? Anger started to flare in me and before I exploded, he finally spoke.

"It's Boston. Te Russians, Italians, Mexicans...ye name it. At any given point tey are tryin to get dominance of te area. Mobs wars, really. McGinty's is Irish territory. This is Irish territory. But it's a dangerous game. Doc's being targeted as an opportunity. He poses a threat to te rival gangs because he's been 'round a long time." My jaw was going to fall off. Fear and anxiety laced itself through me. Dad continued. "Te boys are the neighborhood do gooders. Tey will keep Doc safe." His face softened and he sighed, standing. I was incredulous.

"What about them? And how the hell do you know all this?" I too stood, angry and scared. Dad went still but then snapped out of it, shrugging me off.

"I have been ere for a while. I've learnt where to and not ta stick my nose. Like you, I have had friends ta watch out fer me." The tone in his voice had changed and I felt unsure about my life for a moment. Fresh tears brimmed my eyes.

"Doc seemed so worried Dad. He's afraid. Murphy and Connor...what if they get hurt?" I covered my face and sat back down. I felt sick with the thought of losing these friends of mine. They were unlike anyone else. Close and safe. They made me feel like I mattered and I was important to them. They trusted me, and I more than trusted them. I needed them. The sobs shook me bone deep. Warm arms wrapped me up and I burried my face into my Dad's shoulder. I hadn't done this since I was a child. He cradled me and said his best to comfort me.

"Te boys are more than whats seen. Amelia, tey will be fine. Just relax and try ta rest. I promise, it'll be okay." Dad kissed my forehead and I forced myself to take a deep breath.

"I hope so." I croaked. Dad gave me a sad smile and one last kiss before he stood and went to grab the gun. "No, that stays in here." My voice wavered and he didn't bother turning around, he just left it there and walked out. The door was open and I listened to him walk across the wooden floor...then his door shut. I slumped on my bed and decided I didn't want to think anymore tonight.

* * *

When I woke up, I rolled over and grabbed my phone. No missed calls. Worry hit me and I dialed Doc's home number. After a few rings he answered.

"Ello?" He asked. I sighed, relieved.

"Hey Doc, it's Amelia. Everythin' alright?" I stretched before throwing my legs over the side of my bed. Id left my shirt on from the night before, so I just slid my feet into my jeans where I'd left them last night.

"Aye, everyt'ing is alright. Went t-ta about as expected." I stood and pulled the denim up and fastened it.

"As expected?" I put him on speaker phone while I threw my hair in a messy bun on top of my head.

"Well, ta bar has seen better days and 'mfraid my wine rack got destroyed. FUCK! Was t'ere till bout an hour ago moppin up spirits." He didn't sound as upset as I would have, but I was worried. That feeling from last night hitting me like a sledge hammer.

"What happened? Are the boys okay?" I realized I sounded a little frantic, but then Doc laughed. I rolled my eyes and shook my head, only these Irish bastards would laugh at a time like this.

"They're fine, Amelia. Tey took outa FUCK! ASS! Trash for me, is all."

"The trash?" I snorted sarcastically and sighed. "Are they working today?"

There was a weird noise on his end and he made that sound he makes when holding back an out burst. "Aye, should be home." Then I got a bright idea. They pop in on me, I'm about to pop in on them.

"Can you give me their address Doc?" I scrambled around and found an old napkin and a pen.

"Well, I don't t'ink they would wanta be SHIT..." He took a breath. "Maybe ye should wait girl." I sighed and pressed the pen to the paper.

"Give up the goods old man, they get to pop in on me at any given time. S'only fair." I stated. I thought maybe he wouldn't give it to me, but he did. I scribbled it down and thanked him. Also told him to call me when he went back to the pub and I'd help him clean up. When I ended the call, I threw my boots on and grabbed my wallet. It was a little after 7, Dad was already gone for work. I scribbled a note on the counter just in case he came home on his lunch. I opened the front door and could feel it was cooler outside.

I ran back to my room and threw on my button up jacket. I bought it last week, it was a cream color. I liked the knitted sweater look and the big polished wooden buttons. When I went to walk out, I seen the gun still on my table. Should I? Nah, I shook my head and shut my bedroom door. I locked the apartment up and headed to the address that was given. After spending half an our asking people walking by where Stold St was, I finally found it.

It was a huge building, obviously falling apart. I wrinkled my nose at the trash bags piled up and the smell. Oh my god, putrid was right fitting. Floor 5? This building was inhabitable! I took a deep breath and walked through a door which led me to a wide space. My eyes looked around at all the water stains and I seen the old school open elevator. I didn't see any stairs so I stepped in and pulled the grating down. I punched the old yellowed button for five and felt the death trap come to life. I shivered.

Then the ride was over, I slide the grating up and stepped into a door less room. It was large and open, white walls and red carpet. The cement block walls were chipped and the paint was peeling off. It smelled old. I swallowed and took a step in.

"Hello?" I called. Then I seen them, they were sitting on mattresses on the floor, talking. Their heads shot up and looked to me. I felt my heart sink. Sure enough, more bruises and cuts were scattered on them. Connor was the first to stand, eyeing me as if I had grown a second head.

"What ta hell are ye doin ere?" He asked. I stopped walking and just decided to hover in front of the door way. "And how'd ye find us?" I shrugged and took a good look at them both. They were in matching robes, tackier than all get out, boxers and their boots. Who the hell walks around their apartment in a robe, boxers and boots? Obviously the Macmanus brothers. Murphy stayed where he was, also seeming to be aggravated.

"Uh, I don't know... maybe is was the fact I never got a phone call to lemme know y'all were okay?" My voice raised a little higher than intended. "And fuck you, I know shit." Connor's eyes narrowed and he wanted to say something before Murphy cut him off.

"Bhí sí buartha go díreach, deartháir. Calma síos.(_She was just worried brother, calm down.)_" Murphy stood and gave me a little nod. I don't know what that meant, but it seemed to dampen Connor's lecture.

"Tá a fhios agam sin! Ach, ní raibh muid a fháil am a ghlanadh suas.(_I know that! But we didn't get time to clean up._)" The dark blonde brother sighed and shook his head, looking at me before finally smiling. I gave him a small nod and walked in. "Forgive te place, we're hardly ever 'ere." He looked sheepish, but not ashamed.

"You're a single guy, well, you're both single guys." I paused, "I've seen worse." Murphy stopped walking towards his brother and he gave me an odd look.

"So ye've seen many bachelor's apartments? D'int take ye for the lady of the night." He was joking, but I could see the question there. I blushed and rolled my eyes.

"No! But I have seen worse." I walked up to the pair as they lit a cigarette and I threw my arms around them. They made a little noise and quickly recovered from my sudden impulse to hug them. The fear I had last night returned then faded to just being grateful they were okay. Damn these two. I felt like a clingy girlfriend...no...mother hen. I sighed and sniffled, refusing to let go until I could get a grip on myself. When I did pull away, they looked rather happy considering the situation.

"Sorry te make ye worry, Amelia." Connor gave in and touched my face. I nodded and smiled, wiping my eyes. Murphy went to speak but a loud banging sound scared us all. I whirled around and my heart stopped. The guy from last night was looking at us, he had another big guy with him too. Then the most important factor cause my eyes, they both had guns.

"You mother fuckers!" The first one said as they ran in. Before I could even scream Connor and Murphy pushed me behind them. I fell over and felt my heart beating erratically. They had guns, usually that meant someone was going to get shot. I wanted to move but I was frozen in terror.

"Amelia, RUN!" I heard Murphy shouting, trying to get to me but the guy with a gauze around his head hit him. I felt myself go numb with horror. The other guy had a gun to Connors head. I was crying, wondering why this was happening.

"GET OUT AMELIA!" Connor screamed. I felt that like a bolt of electricity, and I began scrambling. When I found my feet, I took off towards the door. I was feet away when a large hand grabbed the back of my sweater. I screamed, trying to pull away. But an arm wrapped around my throat. I turned my head and seen the dark eyes that had scared me the night before. Deep, filthy, evil. I was scratching, screaming for help.

"CONNOR! MURPHY!" I cried, kicking and flailing. The guy who had a hold of me, clearly Russian by his accent hollered over to Connor...who was handcuffed to the toilet. I felt the cool metal against my temple, it made a shiver run down my spine. This was all happening too quickly. My mind hasn't caught up yet. My eyes found Murphy, he too was at gun point. His eyes locked onto mine. Panic filled me.

"I was going to kill you, but instead, I will kill your brother." The man shouted from behind me, his breath running down my neck. "But this one here, we will have much fun, no?" I blinked and tried pulling his arm away, but it was stone. Murphy came to life again, cussing and looking back at Connor.

"Fuck you! It was jus'a bar fight, fucking pussies!"

Connor was crying, trying to break loose of the handcuffs. His face was bloody where the guy holding me had got a good one on him. "MURPHY! AMELIA!" He was screaming. I felt the grip tighten and he was almost cutting off my air. They took us into the elevator, shutting it. My heart was pounding and I couldn't stop crying. Murphy was so still and quiet. How could he be so calm? We were going to die! I was going to be raped! I choked on a breath and tried again to fight, but the man chuckled.

"Keep fighting, Amelia...it makes me hard." I shuddered and I hated myself for not bringing that fucking gun.

"Whatever happens, don't scream." Murphy said to me, before the other guy hit him with the pistol. I growled and kicked, managing to nail the guy in the thigh. He grunted and gave my captor an angry look.

"Hold the bitch, would you?" He rubbed his leg and Murphy gave me a look, between pride and warning. I swallowed and tried to calm myself down. They walked us outside and around the building. Time again seemed to slow down and I watched as Murphy was forced to his knees beside the dumpster. The guy which held me shoved me into the other guy as he grabbed my hair. "Hey Ivan, what do I do with her?" He asked, grinning at me while I shook.

"Hold her still, she's going to see her boyfriend die." Ivan, the dark eyes mother fucker rested the barrel of his pistol on Murphy's forehead. "I hope your conscience is clear Irishman."

"NO! MURPHY!" Panic broke out of me and I pulled, kicked and scratched the Russian who had me. "STOP! PLEASE!" I begged, crying. I can't lose him! I need him! I kept trying to move forward. Shoot me, I don't care, not him. Not them. The realization hit me hard and I kept screaming. My arms were restrained, then I was knocked to my knees. Another gun barrel was touching my temple but I didn't care. I met Murphy's eyes and it took my breath away. Resolution. I shook my head. No! Don't you fucking give up. "Please, God.." I choked out.

Then God answered, well Connor did. Suddenly there was a loud crash and I was rendered motionless. Ivan was on the ground, surrounded by toilet pieces. I blinked and felt the guy behind me let me go. I immediately scrambled to my feet and got to Murphy. Seconds later two gun shots rang out from behind me and I turned to look. Connor was on the ground next to him. "How the?" I asked, but Murphy was already in action. He was running to his brother. I watched as the dark haired brother checked his twin's pulse.

"He's alive, pick up the guns!" Murphy barked. I nodded and began picking up the guns then put them in an old shopping bag that had been in the trash. Murphy picked up the un shattered lid to the back of their toilet. I stopped long enough to watch him hit the other Russian in the head a few times. I would have felt bad for him, had he not just been holding me captive. "C'mon!" Murphy hissed. I nodded, heart pounding in my chest. He picked Connor up, throwing him over his shoulders.

I'm not sure when I had went into shock, but I remember feeling calm the longer I ran behind Murphy. I watched Connor's unconscious face, looked at the blood that was dripping from his wrists around the cuffs. Tears were still leaking down my cheeks, but I couldn't speak. When my lungs felt as if they were on fire, Murphy kicked open a set of double doors and I followed inside. It was a hospital. Nuns were standing there, looking on in shock.

"Sisters, can ye help us? We ran inta a spot o' trouble." Murphy wheezed out. They crossed themselves and told us to follow. I held onto the bag. It was a small task and I could do it. When they crowded us into a room, Murphy laid Connor on the bed. One of the Sister's ran to get a doctor. I just stood quiet, shaking. I blinked and felt fresh tears sting my sensitive eye lids.

"Amelia?" Murphy asked. I jumped, realizing I had zoned out. He grabbed me, leveling his face with mine. I swallowed. His face softened and he cupped my face in his hands. "I need you to call Doc and get him here to St. Agathas, alrigh'? Tellem not to hurry." I wanted to answer, but the shock was wearing off. He seemed to take note of this and he nodded, gently he felt around my pockets and found my cell phone. "Stay here with Connor, I'll be righ' back." I watched him walk out. Shaking over took me, I needed to sit down. I looked for a chair, but didn't see one. I leaned against the wall.

Connor was still out of it, the Sister who remained here seemed to be praying. I tried to steady my breathing. I focused on the words she spoke. My heart beat kept interrupting her soft words. I blinked and heard the ringing start in my ears. I must have groaned or made a noise because she wrapped it up and looked at me. I felt my knees give and I hit the floor. The Sister was pretty, piercing green eyes. She was speaking but I no longer heard her words. The ringing was too loud. It had started to hurt. I covered my ears and screamed.

The world went black.

I heard the roar of thunder.

****Breaking Benjamin - Into The Nothing****


	8. Never Be The Same

**A/N: Let me know what y'all think of this one.  
Again, it was a struggle but I DID IT! Lol. Hugs and love!**  
**Disclaimer: I own nothing BDS.**

_"I'll never be the same_  
_I'm caught inside the memories_  
_The promises are yesterdays_  
_And I belong to you_  
_I just can't walk away_  
_Cause after loving you_  
_I can never be the same"  
_

Chapter 8 : Never Be The Same

When my eyes opened, I realized something wasn't right. I wasn't in the floor anymore, I was on a bed. I lifted my head and looked around to see the pale green walls and the bright eyes of the Macmanus brothers. I clenched my jaw, readying myself to speak, but I was cut off. Doc was scurrying up, flustered as ever. I blinked, feeling as if something deep inside me had broken off. I slowly sat up and blocked them out. My eyes went to my hands. No longer shaking. I noticed I had a broken nail, it had bled. Dirt and grim were caked under them. I had crawled, trying to get myself away.

I closed my eyes and could see the panic that had crossed both the brother's faces. Seen the resolution on Murphy's face when he thought he was going to die. My stomach knotted and a sob threatened to rise out of me. I clenched my fist in the sterile sheet below me. No, not right now. I was okay. The boys were okay. This would get figured out. I opened my eyes, the three of them were looking at me, almost horrified. I took a deep breath and stood.

"Did ye hear us?" Connor asked, eyeing me carefully. I shrugged and shook my head.

"No, sorry." I watched them as they all watched me. Doc reached for me and I let him pull me in for a hug. He smelled like liquor and cleaning agents. I took comfort in the familiar smells and relaxed.

"Ye alright?" His voice whispered to me, and I felt myself starting to shake. Before I could cry, I opened my eyes and seen the boys staring at me. Something between us went unspoken, but the words that came to mind assured me. Protect. Loyalty. Love. I clenched my jaw again, and nodded.

"I'll be fine eventually." I never stopped looking at the boys as Doc shuddered and squeezed me again. Murphy and Connor nodded, agreeing with me. We'd be okay. Gently I pulled from Doc and he patted my cheek.

"Yer lucky, you t'ree."He paused for a moment before continuing on. "An Agent feller came to da pub, askin' questions." Murphy and Connor shared a look between them. "Said there'd been a scrap...but nothin' to FUCK! To worry about. Was right after ye called." He dug in his pockets and flourished a card. "Tis is em...gave me this c-c-c...Shit!" Doc became flustered and shoved it into Murphy's hand.

"What now?" I asked them, wondering how deep of trouble we were in. Oh god, Dad was going to kill me! My face must have paled because Connor reached out and grabbed me.

"Well, I spose we should t'urn ourselves in. Was self defense af'ter all." Murphy stated, and Doc nodded, finger pointed at him.

"T'ats what the Agent said. Said fer you two ta come by the station, he'd hear ye out."

"How'd he know t'at?" Connor asked. I blinked, I couldn't concentrate on anything. My father was going to kill me, after he killed the boys. Mom was going to fly me to wherever she was and I'd never see Boston again. Even when I felt Connor's hand squeezing my hand, I couldn't squeeze back. I was going to die.

"Amelia?" Murphy's hand on my face brought me back. His eyes found mine and I seen the concern that clouded the dark blue depths. His face was worn and exhausted, but I could see something else there. I didn't understand it. "I need ye ta go with Doc. He's gonna get ya back to tha Pub." I wanted to argue but Murphy became stern. "Yer gonna hafta lie to ye Da. I'm sorry sweetheart. But we don' wanna get ye involved, jus' in case." Connor made a sound of agreement, but I felt my anger rising. No. They didn't have a say in this. I was there. I would have been raped probably, they protected me.

"Bullshit!" I hissed, jerking my head away. Murphy hadn't expected it, neither had his twin. Doc on the other hand, didn't seem phased what so ever. "I was there! I thought you were goin' to die!" I felt my nose flare and I took a step back from them, looking around. Eyes were on us and I lowered my voice. "I could have been raped..." My voice wavered but I clenched my fists at my sides. "I am goin' with y'all. I don't give a shit about your points or how pissed you get at me." I wiped my eyes with my sleeve and cleared my throat. "Y'all saved me. If anything I say can help, better fuckin' believe I will be singin my lily white ass off."

The boys were quiet and I could see the aggravation between them. Connor was the first to speak. "Please...go home Amelia." I steeled my glare at him, fighting the urge to give in. His light blue eyes mirrored Murphy's. Tired and worried. Confused. The bandages around his wrists caught my eyes and I blinked.

"Listen, I don't know why my life has taken this turn. Maybe God has a sense of humor...but y'all are.." I wanted to say what was in my heart, but years of being just myself and my Mom on the farm...I didn't yet have the confidence to say it. I knew they think they know, but they dont. They don't understand how I see them and my heart swells. To see them smile at me, I feel alive in ways I have never experienced before. I loved them. "I know I haven't been here long, but you two are the only thing I've ever had in my life that wasn't controlled." I felt the hot tears rolling down my cheeks. "You're everythin'." I let out a shaky breath and blinked, looking away. "So if y'all think you're gonna walk into a shit storm by yourself...you're fuckin' wrong." With that, I grabbed the bag from beside Murphy and handed it to Doc.

"I assume this goes with you." The old man took it and gave me a small smile. I returned it. Even though Doc usually didn't say a whole lot, he understood me. Always did. I didn't look at the boys for an minuet, feeling the embarrassment ricocheting through me.

"Aye, I'll call yer Da and tellem you went on an errand with the boys fer me. Might wanna give Carrin a call later. Tellem ye are gonna stay at m'house fer tha night." I smiled finally, hugging the old man and kissing his cheek. He took the bag from me and gave a stern look to the twins. "Ye better keep yer heads on a hop scotch." Despite myself, I chuckled and I heard the boys do the same. Doc and his proverbs. They said their parting words and Doc left. I stood by waiting for the lashing I was bound to get from the boys.

"I'd love to smack te hell outta ye sometimes, lass." Murphy grumbled. I snorted and faced them again. They still looked upset, but also calmer. Connor nodded his head.

"I would too." I answered. It was true. I was stubborn as a mule.

"We haveta go talk ta t'is Agent Smecker." Connor said, holding up the card. "When we get t'ere, don't say much until he asks ye stuff." Slowly, Murphy helped him stand. I hesitated, but looped an arm around Connors middle to help Murphy support his weight. There was tension between us, but deep down I felt as if I had made my claim. And by them not fighting me, they had accepted it.

"Alright." I conceded to them and one hobble at a time, we made our way out the door and to the police station. I felt as if I was under a magnifying glass. We three made quite a spectacle of ourselves. Here I am, face all red and blotchy. Filthy and I am sure I stank. Helping support one of two good looking Irishmen in robes, boxers and boots. Again, only these two. I could hear Connor's labored breathing as we neared the steps that lead to the front door. Oh, and the cherry on top would be the blood all over their robes.

"Jesus, we look like the three stooges." I groaned, grabbing the door handle.

"Lord's fuckin name." They boys answered, and I had to give them a smile. We managed to get ourselves inside then took a left into an open space, where there were police officers standing and sitting at their desks. I felt my heart jump into my throat, instantly nervous. Murphy and Connor looked amused personally. Then I listened to the skinny guy running his mouth on the other side of his room.

"These guys are miles away by now. If ya wanna beat your head against a wall, here's what you're lookin' for...They're scared like to little bunny rabbits. Anything in uniform or flashing blue lights is gonna spook them.." I rolled my eyes and we stood still, seeing the man up and pacing finally notice us. Then serious look on his face shifted to one of surprise. "So the only thing we can do is put a potato on a string and drag it through South Boston, Thanks for comin' out." My eyes shifted to the back of the other cop's head. I huffed.

Murphy started smiling and then Connor followed suit. "You'd prolly have better luck with beer." I grinned and watched as everyone turned around, plenty of jaws hitting the floor. They all took the boys in, a few of them giving me weird looks. The pacing man, smirked and walked up to the loud mouth at his desk.

"Hey Greenly, onion bagel... cream cheese."

* * *

They had taken us into the interrogation room, they guy who'd gotten his bagel was Agent Smecker. He and the boys talked, occasionally his eyes would look me over and I wouldn't look away...but I wasn't wanting to answer many questions. The boy's wanted to handle that. But sure enough, after most of the important stuff was out of the way he turned his sights to me.

"And you are?" I shifted and sat up straighter. He took out another smoke from his holder and tossed it to me. I stared at it, before picking it up and lighting it with his lighter. Murphy shot me a humored song played in the back of my head, Breakin' the law...breakin the law! I inhaled and blew it out.

"Amelia Doyle." Smecker took a sip of his coffee and set the cup down.

"You're not from around here?" I shook my head, taking another drag and wishing these cancer sticks worked the way you think they would. Where's my instant relaxation?

"No sir. I'm from West Virginia. My Dad lives here, Mom's on her book tour so I came here." I flipped my ashes and Smecker nodded.

"So you were there? Can you tell me about it?"

I looked to the recorder and Murphy and Connor seemed tense. Connor reached for my free hand below the table. I held it tight.

"Well I went to see the boys this morning. I was there five minuets before the Russians came in. They tossed the boys around...Murphy and Connor tried to get me to run but I froze." I took another drag, finally feeling the nicotine hit my system. "I finally got my senses about me and took for the door. Ivan, the bigger guy, grabbed me. Connor was handcuffed to the toilet. Ivan said how he was going to kill Murphy and have 'fun' with me." I wouldn't cry, but I think Smecker could see my want to. Connor squeezed my hand again. I gave him and Murphy a side glance, nodding to let them know I was okay. Smecker sat back and I seen the skin around his eyes relax, sympathy in his eyes.

"So, they took us down stairs and had Murphy on his knees. Gun to his head. I was so scared, thinking it was happening too fast. I just started prayin'. I closed my eyes for one second and I heard the crash of the toilet. Ivan was out and I took off towards Murphy. I heard two gun shots and before I knew it Conner was unconscious and the other guy wasn't moving." My voice had stayed even and I snuffed the cigarette out. Smecker stopped the recording for a second.

"How old are you, Amelia?" Oh, shit.

"17. My birthday is next month." I was surprised when he gave me a small smile, and waggled his fingers at us.

"What an odd three , you are." Smecker studied us all individually then as a group. He wanted to say more but another officer barged in and he looked flustered.

"Smecker? The press is all over the place. Askin questions and wanting to know about the boys...and her?" I panicked.

"Aye, they can't know bout Amelia." The protective tone came out in Murphy and Connor nodded.

Smecker sighed, "Do you want to make a statement? You're not being charged with anything. It's your call."

"Hell no, no pictures either." Murphy mumbled and Connor scratched his head. "Is t'ere any way we can perhaps stay here 'til it flies o'er?" The young cop smiled and his face lit up.

"That could work we got an empty..." He stopped, sheepishly looking at Smecker. "Do you mind?"

Agent Paul Smecker grinned and we all had to giggle. "You'll need to ask your mommy, but I don't care if your friends spend the night." The older man stood and swooped up his coat, bidding us a nod in parting. "Gotta go feed the dogs."

When it was just Connor, Murphy and myself...I sighed and rested my forehead on the table.

"Think I shit my pants." I groaned, looking up at them. They laughed and shook their heads.

"Ye needta relax Amelia." Murphy teased. I rolled my eyes, knowing he was right but I still hadn't had time to actually process the events of earlier. I blinked and stood, stretching.

I felt my phone vibrate and I pulled it out, flipping it open. "Hello." It was my dad.

"Aye, Doc said ye were gonna help him 'round the pub. Said it was a bit ofa mess." I got serious and shot the boys a look.

"Yeah, it's a wreck. Recruited the boys to help us."

Dad made that 'tsk' noise. "Well, ye gonna be gone all night t'en?"

"Mhm. Did you need me for anythin'?" It was quiet and I heard a door close on his end.

"Nah, just might go out t'en. Got a lasses number at work today, a student's Ma. Right pretty t'ing she is." I rolled my eyes and had to giggle.

"Alright Dad, well you have fun. I'm up to my elbows in bleach. I'll see ya tomorrow. Love you!"

"Love ye too, be careful." He was smiling, could hear it in his voice. I hung up the phone and rubbed my eyes. The boys were whispering between them and Murphy held out his hand.

"Here ya go." I plopped the phone in his hand and resumed my position of forehead on the table. Connor leaned into my side and ran his hand up and down my back. I made a 'mm' sounds, occasionally letting a moan escape my mouth. I didn't care how bad it sounded, the circles he was working on my back were good stuff. I heard a smack sound, and turned my head. Murphy was giving Connor a death glare...Connor was gloating as he rubbed his head.

"Jealous?" He sneered and Murphy rose his hand again, while mumbling to whoever he had called. I decided to end it now.

"Boys...behave." I growled, fighting the smile on my face. Connor winked at me and we waited until Murphy got off the phone.

"Roc's bringing our clothes." Murphy stated before standing and swooping int o grab my hand. I got to my feet and resisted rolling my eyes at the way he tried to get some claim over me. They were a jealous sort, these two. Wait, Roc? Who's Roc?

"Who's Roc?" I asked, curious. I'd never heard of a Roc. The boys smiled and the knowing look on their faces told me one thing. He was trouble like them.

"Rocco is our friend. Was at McGinty's las' night too. Took a thumpin' from Old Ivan." Connor said, pausing to get his arm around my shoulders so he could stand up straight.

"Funny guy, 'e is." Murphy added. Oh great. Just what we needed. Another 'funny' guy.

"Hope he's funnier than you two assholes. Irish folks think everythin' is SO funny. For all I know this guy could be a total stick in the mud douche bag." I groaned at them. The Macmanus brothers laughed and soon after we escorted to the holding cells. I sat with them, already bored out of my mind. Then they piled in, the officer's one after another came in to talk to them. Asking questions and offering to get us food or coffee. Again, I decided to not say much. This was going to be a long night.

Within an hour a card deck was brought out and the boys began playing poker with a few of the guys. I sat against the wall on the cot, letting the boys be boys. The officers would take a look at me, but they wouldn't say anything. Occasionally one of the boys would look in my direction and give me a smile, I would return it or nod.

When this Rocco finally showed up, I could see what they meant about funny guy. He had a beard and shaggy hair. His bright eyes were endearing though. Murphy and Connor met him at the bars and showed him in. I watched as Rocco handed them over a bag of clothes. I stayed put until Murphy motioned me over. I took a deep breath and went over. Murphy slung his arm around my shoulder and Rocco's face studied me.

"Aye Roc, t'is is te girl we were tellin' ye about. Amelia, dis is Rocco." I felt myself blush. They talked about me? I smiled and extended my hand, but he ignored it and pulled me in for a hug.

"Nice to meet ya Amelia. These two fucker's been on and on about you." I gave a laugh and hugged him back, pulling away to see the amused look on his face.

"Hope it was all good." I said, sticking my hands into my jean's pockets. Rocco smiled but gave a playful look to the boys.

"Yeah, said you had a nasty right hook." I groaned and he continued on. "They also said you were beautiful, but they didn't tell me you were a gorgeous young lady." He made a curvaceous motion with his hands and Connor cleared his throat. By now I was red as a lobster. Rocco chuckled and threw his hands up. "Hey, I just call it as I see it boys. Don't blame ya, I'd keep a lock on it too."

"ROCCO!" Murphy and Connor said at the same time. I just stood there and chewed my lip, wishing I could just sink down into the cement below me.

"Well, I'm going to get outta here...call me if you need anything else." Rocco said as he hugged the boys then gave me an expectant look. I smiled and hugged him too, noticing his hand moving behind my back. They were inching down slowly and before he got to my ass, I rolled my eyes.

"You touch my ass and I'll show you how funny I can be." His hands stopped and he pulled away, feinting innocence.

"Fair enough, yous better behave." And with that, Rocco left. The boys shared an amused look then turned to me. I laughed and shrugged.

"Okay, he's not bad." We took our previous places. The boys got dressed, but remained shirtless. The poker games eventually died out and the sun sank. The officer's made sure we had some dinner and sleeping room. They rolled another spare cot in and I took it, all the more happy to sleep today off. Connor and Murphy talked between themselves, but it was relatively quiet.

"Aye, Amelia." Murphy whispered to me after Connor had passed out. I rolled over and looked over at him.

"Hmm?" I yawned, nuzzling my head into my bent arm. Murphy fingered the rosary around his neck and looked like he was struggling to say something. I cocked an eye brow. These men were brash and they never held anything back, though Murphy was usually the one who had a rougher time talking about his emotions. "Go on, spit it out."

He shot me a look before his voice dropping a little lower. "'M sorry about today." He sounded so tiny and pitiful, made my heart break. I wanted to reach for him but I stayed my hand.

"S'okay Murph." I replied. I didn't feel okay about it, but I was okay technically speaking.

"Con an' I feel terrible. Jus'...put t'ings inta perspective today." I remained quiet, eyes glued to his face. "Can' speak fer Con, but I t'ink it's fair ta say you mean a lot ta us too...more'n you should." His dark blue eyes over to me from under his lashes. I felt my breath catch and my heartbeat drop. I must have stopped breathing because Murphy smiled and I couldn't think.

"Breath, girl." He extended his hand out and waited. I swallowed, meeting his hand with mind. His warmth felt nice, and his thumb stroked across my knuckles. I gave him a small smile, but I knew I was shaking.

"I didn't, I had no clue." I whispered back. "I know y'all care about me.."

"Aye we do, lass." Connor had then decided to join the conversation. I turned my head to look at him then. He too had his head on his arm and smiled. My cot was between the boys, so it made it easier to go back and forth between them. Over these past few weeks I have noticed they preferred me between them. "When tha' fucker Ivan had ye, I was scared." Connor added. Murphy squeezed my hand and I felt my eyes mist.

"Guys..." I sniffled but tried to contain myself. I naturally reached my other hand out so Connor could take it. When he squeezed, I felt better being connected to both.

"Get some sleep, cara ragazza.(_dearest girl)_ We'll get it figured out." Connor whispered, the sleepiness making his voice sound deeper than usual. I looked back to Murphy then back to Connor.

"Mkay. Thank you, for everythin'." I meant it. They gave me one last squeeze and gently they pulled away. The silence remained, and I eventually felt sleep taking it's hold on me. As I closed my eyes, again...I heard the sound of thunder above the station. "S'gonna storm." I mumbled, before rolling onto my stomach and getting comfortable.

***Red -Never Be The Same***


	9. Anchored In You

**A/N: *hits submit button and winces* It's 6:50 am and I have been up all night.  
Hopefully this one pleases. Goin' for some feels here.  
Disclaimer: I own nothing BDS.**

_"I am in motion_  
_I am blue_  
_Love is an ocean_  
_I'm anchored in you_  
_And I am a dreamer_  
_So you sent me away_  
_Sometimes we dreamers_  
_Just get in the way"_****

Chapter 9 : Anchored In You

"Amelia, gettup."

Murphy's voice roused me. I let out a groan and immediately remembered where I was. I didn't care though, I was comfortable and felt all warm. I felt as if I hadn't slept that well in years.

"C'mon girl, we got ta leave. Stuff ta do." The serious undertones of Connor's voice brought me out of my happy place quickly. I huffed and lifted my head from the raggedy pillow. I squinted and seen the sun's rays coming through the small dirty window of the holding cell. The boys were standing, fully dressed and waiting patiently for me. I took a moment and slowly started to stand. The pair sets of blue eyes seemed somber.

"Well ain't y'all just a lively bunch in the mornin'." I stated with a bored voice as I stretched and picked my sweater coat up. They brothers shrugged and Connor came up to me, messing with my hair. I didn't think anything of it until I realized I must be nasty. "I must stink." I mumbled as I watched Connor. He gave me a small smile and licked his index finger and thumb. A deep red blush settled into my cheeks when he began wiping something off the corner of my forehead.

"Well, ye might look like a daisy...but ye don' smell like one." Murphy chuckled at his brother's comment and looked at the clock on the wall. I gave up a smile, but couldn't rid the fluster they put me in.

"Gotta get ye home, t'en we need to go get some t'ings taken care of." Murphy added in and I nodded. I gave another look to Connor, by the expression on his face I guess he was expecting an argument. I personally didn't want to argue, but it was never really arguing with them anyways. Just me or them giving in to the other. On the way out of the cell, the boys walked ahead of me. I watched the way they walked, effortlessly falling into step with one another. They were always like this, but something was different between them.

When we rounded the corner and made it into the desk area of the station, we were greeted with hoops and hot coffee. I wasn't expecting any special attention, but surprisingly enough the cop Greenly passed me a cup.

"Mornin' sweetheart." He said and I smiled, taking it gratefully.

"Thank you Greenly." I said between blistering hot sips. He winked at me then turned his attention back to the boys. I took a step back and just watched them. Connor grabbed a pen and went to the phone on the other side of the station.

"Hey, check this out." One of the cops said, handing Murphy a paper. I took a step closer and peeked over his shoulder.

"The Saints?" Murphy seemed truly amused. I quietly read the heading. 'The Saints of South Boston'. I had to grin, these boys were saints. But they had a devil side too. I snatched it away from him and started skimming the text.

"Body of Christ...Body of Christ.." I glanced over and Murphy was splashing coffee on the guys, all of them laughing and enjoying some breakfast donuts. I turned my back and started reading some more. Then I seen it. My stomach dropped out.

"Murphy!" I reached behind me and yanked his coat sleeve. He slid over, crooked grin on his face.

"What tis is, love?" His voice was so soft and genuine it distracted me. My stomach fluttered, remembering out conversations from last night. I blinked a few times, just staring at him. His gaze was intense from under those thick lashes of his. Murphy must have known I was having a girl moment because he straightened up and looked to his coffee. "What's wrong?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat then cleared it. I took a deep breath and tapped the paper.

"Someone saw me." My voice taking on the seriousness of the situation. In an instant Murphy snatched the paper and read on.

"The two men, identity unknown, were spotted entering the department w'it a young woman in tow. Sources say te trio came in covered in blood and wounded. Are te Saint's a trio? Does her hands help bare te crosses t'ese men carry? Is she an innocent by standard?" His voice trailed off and my blood drained from my face. Greenly chose now to speak, unfortunately.

"Yeah, we seen that. S'not a big deal is it guys?" Murphy smacked him on the head with the paper.

"Aye, it's a big deal?" The dark haired brother looked angry and I felt worried. Murphy took a sip of his coffee and waited for Connor to get done. When Connor joined us, he motioned for us to get going.

"Thank ye boys!" He said cheerfully before both grabbed an opposite hand and led me out. I didn't have much time to say anything, they were going back and forth in their mother tongue. Damn them. One of these days I would get tired of that.

"So, we goin' to my place?" I decided to cut in.

"Yeah, we're gon' drop ye off and leave. We got some people ta see, but we'll be in touch. We will have ta sit down'n talk." Murphy said, squeezing my hand. I bit my lip.

"Are you guys mad at me?" I asked as we took a right and crossed a small road. As soon as we got to the other side, Connor stopped us and touched my face.

"No, Amelia. Not at all. Jus', somethin' has happened. It's a sit down type o' conversation. Not ye at all." His smile was genuine but short, and again we were moving. My head was swimming, what the hell had changed? I felt fear starting to close in around my heart, but Connor said I hadn't done anything. I would trust them. All the way home I was silent. I had a lot to process still and it hadn't yet kicked in. The Boys weren't talking either.

When we got to my stop, they walked me all the way up to the door. I dug my key out of my pocket. I couldn't help but feel the tension weighing down on us. I didn't mind being in their world, but I had a feeling everything was about to change. My world had already flipped upside down, but I had a bone deep feeling it was going to be turned inside out, too. My heart was going to get broken. I blinked as I stared at the single key in my palm. Mom always said I had a sixth sense sometimes.

I started thumbing the metal of the key, feeling it slowly heat up to match my body temperature.

"I'm scared." I whispered. I'm sure that was obvious. I hated to even say it, but it was true. The rock that was settling in my stomach made me want to...do something. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing about this, but I knew I needed to figure it out. In all the conversations Mom would have with me about adult relationships and love, she never told me about this part. Nobody ever told me that caring about people hurt so much sometimes. Didn't tell me how lines could become so easily blurred. How confusing it was. What I do know, is that I need to be strong for them. Murphy and Connor can't be dragging around a girl who can't stop passing out or crying at the drop of a hat.

"Whatcha mean, Amelia?" Murphy asked. I closed my fist around my key and took a deep breath. I kept my voice low, and tried to sound strong.

"Somethin's about to change. I dunno what it is, but I have this feelin'." I looked up and seen their faces. They were staring back, attentive and serious. I knew they were really listening to me. I covered my stomach with my free hand and left it there. "I have this...unsettled feelin' that somethin' bad is goin' to happen. That scares me because I'm not strong. I don't know much about anythin'. My life experience is for shit and I don't wanna drag y'all down." I paused for another breath and leaned against the door. "I just still don't get why you keep me around. I feel useless."

They were quiet. I stared at my feet and was reminded of my uselessness. I had drops of blood on my leg, Connor's blood most likely. I shivered. Unlike before, they didn't reach out to me or offer up encouraging words. The silence stretched out for a few more seconds and finally Connor spoke.

"We know ye have been thrown to te wolves." He shuffled and looked to his brother for support. "We never expected this ta happen. But, sometimes in life ye get thrown a hurdle. We have ta play te card's God's given us." I nodded, noticing this was sounding a lot like goodbye. "You're nota child. 'Specially after yesterday, but ye are strong. I don' think anot'er woman would have been able ta keep'er shit together like ye." I finally looked up and their faces confirmed it. They both looked sad, and it staggered me.

"We wanta have you safe. We have ta do t'ings tha you don' need to be seein'." Murphy whispered. I tried to fight back the tears, but the warm liquid started blurring my vision. "Later we will explain, we promise. But for righ' now..."

"I need to stay away." I choked out. My heart was breaking. Breaking, no, it was broke. They didn't say anything, just gave a little nod and I bit my bottom lip. Connor looked away from me for a second, glancing down the stair case towards the door. I watched him try to avoid my eyes. Murphy seemed to be in about the same boat. I wiped my eyes with my dirty coat and tried to lose the lump in my throat.

"When Ivan had tha gun ta my head, I thought abou' Connor an' you. Thought abou' stupid arguments and an awkward, beautiful young woman who kept screamin' how much she needed me. How she needed us. She begged to be shot in m'place, begged God..." My eyes got wide and I felt like some intimate and private part of myself was under spot light. Had I actually screamed that? I blinked and felt my nose burning now. Murphy's dark blue eyes were raging storms, Connor put his hand on his brother's shoulder.

"It made us realize t'at you can't be risked. We need ye too, want ye jus the same. Ye don' know it yet, but ye got us Amelia. Call us dirty ol' bastards but we can't lose ye." Connor swallowed and I felt as if I had been shot. They both needed me, wanted me? I stood there, blinking and fresh tears. They were leaning on each other, both at peace with their feelings towards me. A weight lifted off me, but a new one took it's place. What now, they ride off into the sunset and come back later? Will I be presued by both? I can't deal with this right now. The scary emotional stuff can wait.

"Whatever you have planned, just be careful. I meant it, I can't lose y'all." I whispered back, suddenly paranoid Dad would hear us and come investigating. "I'll stay out of the way, but you need to touch base with me. Let me know y'all are okay." I conceded to them, voice cracking. I stood for just a second more before they pulled me into a tight embrace. "Promise me, damnit." I growled, gripping them both tightly.

"Aye, promise." Connor mumbled, burying his face into the side of my neck. His skin was warm and I missed him already.

"Geall, cailín álainn.(_Promise, beautiful girl._)" Murphy's left me wondering, and I guess I made a noise and he gave me a chuckle. "Said 'I promise, beautiful girl." He too buried his face into the other side of my neck. We stood like that for a long minuet. I felt my throat closing on me again, and they pulled away. Their eyes were troubled, I'm sure mine were the same. Before they walked away, I took a second to appraise both of them. Murphy with his broad shoulders and the beautiful way he seemed to see right through me. Connor, not as broad but just as handsome. The sublty of his lips. Even their tattoo's held their own charm and appeal. I felt my stomach clench and I slid the key into the lock.

"Y'all need to go before I change my mind and permanently attach myself to the two of ya." I said between gritted teeth, trying to put on a smile for them. They too gave me smile, letting me go. As their backs turned and they went down the stairs, with every echoing thump...my heart shattered even more. I hastily swung the door open and shut it. Dad was either not here or in bed. I locked the door behind myself and went straight to my bedroom. I shut the door carefully and bent over myself, crying.

****Shaun Mullins - Anchored In You****


	10. Fix You

**A/N: Hehe, I liked this chapter. Sorry, no Macmanus...but this needed to happen. **  
**Stay tuned and you'll see. **  
**Please let me know what you guy's are thinkin' right now. Hugs! **  
**Disclaimer: I own nothing BDS.**

_"When the tears start streaming down your face_  
_When lose something you can't replace_  
_When you love someone but it goes to waste_  
_Could it be any worse?_  
_Lights will guide you home_  
_And ignite your bones_  
_I will try to fix you" _

Chapter 10 : Fix You

The first week without the boys was hell on me. Dad would ask questions, but he gave up after the third time of me crying. I know he knew it had something to do with Connor and Murphy. I'd go to McGinty's, every night secretly hoping they'd drop in for a beer or to say hi. But they never did. Doc wasn't talking either. I guess that might have been a good thing. The old man would talk to his cheery patrons, cussing and selling spirits. He'd look over to me, just to be met by sad looks. I didn't want to be the Sad Sally in the room, but I was miserable. I missed them.

The second week, I was still sad but I was also getting angry. They'd hadn't called or anything. I had no idea where they were, if they were safe, if they missed me just as much. Doc finally approached me in the middle of the week, telling me the Boys had called. They were safe, Rocco was with them. I asked him to tell me what else he knew, but he'd just scurry away or he'd change the subject. I was too tired to argue. Shaun though, started hanging around more and made sure I had an escort home every night. I wasn't complaining. Since the Russian's encounter, I didn't like walking by myself.

Week three was a little better, but a lot worse. The news was reeking havoc on my nerves. Gangsters were dropping like flies and everyone was on edge. Crime rate was dropping. I was terrified. The bodies kept turning up, arms crossed, pennies over the eyes and gun shots to the head. Doc still wasn't saying much, but when I had waited till the bar cleared out and I slammed the paper down on the bar...he knew he had to say something. He told me it was indeed the boys. They were taking out mafioso's and Rocco was helping them. My jaw had hit the floor. My boys? Murphy and Connor? He explained to me how they believed they had been 'called from God'. As ridiculous as it sounded, it had made some sense. They had been different after we'd woken up at the police department. Closer, quieter. I'd had a feeling it was them, but hearing Doc say it out loud...it was hard to come to terms with at first.

For night's I would have nightmares. I'd dream of the Macmanus brothers covered in blood, thunder crashing over me and darkness. I'd hear them talking but I could never make out what they were saying. When I'd wake, my cheeks would be wet and cold. I'd snuggle my pillow and try to sleep. Dad got used to seeing me standing in the kitchen, coffee ready and a cup in my hand. He'd give me a kiss on the head and go on with his morning routine. Mom was worried about me, she'd call me and tell me about how her and Dad was worried. I played it off as if they'd been gone with work...technically it was true. Mom even offered to fly me out to New York to spend a week with her, but the thought of leaving scared me. What if they would need me or something would happen? I needed to be here just in case.

So with the boy's having been gone for nearly four weeks now, I prepared for dinner with my Dad. It was my birthday. It had fallen on a Tuesday this year. He had put aside his grading papers to make time for me. I was looking forward to going out tonight with him. He'd even bought me a gorgeous black dress to wear. It had an open back, it was silk with a sheer black material over it. It hugged me in perfect ways and I couldn't help but admire myself. It went down to mid calve. I had braided my hair and twisted it around the crown of my head. I must have used a dozen bobby pins to secure it in place. I elected to wear no jewelry. Never liked the way necklaces or earrings felt on me.

For a second I stopped and looked at myself. Hair up, gorgeous dress. I hadn't put my make up on yet. My hazel eyes looked duller, but I still seen me in there. I needed to make the best of tonight. I had been ignoring all the feelings that would randomly hit me in the middle of conversations or when I had a moment of peace. I needed to smile. I needed to be strong. That's why I am here, and they are out there. I sighed and began putting my face on. By the time I was done, I barely recognized myself. My eyes were lined darkly, my eyelids smokey and my lips were nude. I topped them with gloss and dig out my grey shawl. It was soft against my bare shoulders. I picked up my clutch purse and walked out of my bedroom.

The lights were off except for the kitchen, where Dad stood waiting for me. I smiled and stepped into the black stilettos I had picked out for the occasion. His face went still and he looked me up and down, placing his hand over his chest.

"Mo iníon ...(_My daughter.._)" His voice caught and he took my hand, twirling me around and taking another look. I couldn't help but smile and give a soft laugh. "Ye look beautiful. Gonna haveta fight all te men off ye tonight." He tried to joke to cover the crack in his voice. I seen the tear in one of his eyes as he touched my face. "You are a woman now, I can't tell ye how proud I am of ye. You're smart and strong. So proud." I didn't want to cry, but I let him hug me tightly and after he had his moment, he stepped back and wiped his face.

"Dad, let's get some food. I'm starving!" I grabbed his hand and we left. He locked up behind me. He held out his arm and escorted me down the stairs. We made small talk in the car to a little restaurant I had seen only a few times in passing. The Du Vin. It was a cool evening. I hugged the shawl around me tighter as we walked in. The deep reds and browns, high lighted by light woods reeked French. It was lit by candles and the smell of wine a fresh bread made my stomach growl.

"Wow, this is nice." I whispered to him as we waited to be seated. A man greeted us, black pants and a pressed white shirt.

"Bon jour, welcome to The Du Vin." He said, sounding almost bored. My dad took his hat off and tucked it between his arm and body.

"Hello, we have a reservation. Doyle, party o' two." I grinned, Dad had made reservations. I gave him a appreciative look as the server looked us up on a clip board. He made an 'o' face and tapped it.

"Ah, yes. Come this way Mr. Doyle." He escorted us to a private corner, a table for two with a vase of white roses. Dad pulled my chair out for me and after I was seated, he took his heat after he'd discarded his coat. His face was lit up, obviously happy with himself. I looked around, no other table had white roses. "Shall I have a bottle delivered to the table?" The man asked, and Dad smiled.

"Please." He answered and the man scurried off. When we were alone, I flipped the shawl back and let it drape across the back of my chair. I took a deep breath and leaned forward to smell the roses. There was 18 of them I counted. This was the first of my birthdays spent with just him.

"This is beautiful, Dad. Thank you." I said, seeing the pride in his face. Nothing could ruin his happiness I think. He shrugged and looked around.

"I met ye Ma when I was young. Jus' a few years older than ye now." He paused as the server returned and set two wine glasses on the table. I noticed he hadn't bother to ask for an ID. He poured mine first. I smiled and felt myself slightly blush under the quick looks the server gave me. He then quickly poured Dad's and left the bottle, going to greet the people who'd just walked in. We took a sip of our wine, it was chilled and delicious.

"An'teways, ye Ma was browsin through a discount bin at a library. She looked gorgeous. 'Er hair was messy, eyes wide an' her mouth was pursed. She looked so dead set on findin' a treasure to take home. I fell in love. I knew she would have my child." I smiled at Dad, taking another sip as he recollected. "Te day I came home an she told me she was with child, I remember bein' scared ta death. Then there ye were months later. Big round eyes, fuzzy hair an a wail to make a banshee jealous." He chuckled and I joined him. He let his smile linger, before sipping his wine.

"Ye Ma and me didn't work out, but I never loved ye any less. Even though I wasn't 'round a whole lot..I nev'r stopped thinkin bout my lil angel." I felt my eye's misting and I choked it down. Didn't want to ruin my makeup. He reached for my hand and took it. "I am so happy yer here, Amelia. You did an old man good by coming. I just want ye to know how much I love ye. I haven't been the best father, but I need ye to understand all the decisions I've made...I did to keep ye safe and happy." The smile slightly faded from his eyes, and I was suddenly confused.

"What do you mean, to keep me safe and happy?" I felt that prickly feeling in the back of my brain. Dad looked unsure and squeezed my hand.

"Don't be worryin' yourself over it. I jus' wanta tell you somet'ings while we have dinner. You're 18. It's time." He smiled, but it still didn't reach his eyes. I knew I wanted to be upset, seemed like more people kept secrets from me than anything else. And it's my birthday. Now Dad wants to drop the bomb on me? I swallowed down the need to argue and waited for him to continue. "Well, when I got 'ere to Boston after I got the job teaching..I met a fellow named Shay Lynch. Drug me ta a few card games." The smile was quickly leaving his face. I took a bigger gulp of my wine.

The server came back with menus and we paused for a minuet to look them over. I knew I wanted something hearty. I skimmed and settled for the _Blanquette de Veau_, a delicious sounding veal dish. After a second Dad decided on the same. We waited as the server sped off and we were along again. He took the liberty to continue.

"Shay was a wiley bastard. He'd get us inta some sticky situations. Then one nigh', I gotta bit too cocked an took the wrong lad's money. Was an' Italian man named Yakavetta." I blinked, the name had sounded vaguely familiar. "Got te shit beat outta me. They killed Shay." Dad went still and he swirled the wine around in his glass. "Shay wasa hellian, but 'e was a good lad. Protected me fer two years. I hadta explain te his Ma why her boy was dead." I felt my sympathy outweighing my aggravation and took his hand.

"I'm sorry Dad." He nodded and leaned back in his chair.

"Me too, Melia. I go see his Ma and family in Dublin once a year, ta check in on 'er." Now, that made sense. I always wondered how much family we had there. "I see it clickin' in yer head now huh?" I gave him a sheepish nod. He winked and continued. "After Shay died, I was approached bya man who works wit' te FBI. Queer fellow, said he wanted me ta keep an ear to te ground and he'd help get Yakavetta put away. Tit fer tat." I nodded, then I stopped nodding. Queer fellow? I felt the blood drain from my face and Dad gave me a hard look with his blue eyes.

"I report what I hear, and I get compensated. Protection and a bit o'coin. T'eres a few men in jail cause o' me. I keep my head low." He gave me a reassuring smile and I sat stock still. "Te man that 'handles' me, he's a good lad." I blinked, finding the will to move again. I tilted my glass up and drained it, pouring me another. My hands were shaking a little. I was starting to not believe in coincidences anymore. I'd be willing to bet money on who my father's handler was. So I decided to confirm.

"Agent Smecker?" I asked quietly. Dad nearly choked and had to wipe his chin off. He gave me a look that told me I was indeed right.

"How ye know that?" His voice dropped a little and I bit my lower lip.

"I met him. Nice guy." My voice was humorless. "Like's his bagels." Dad was still and his eye brows rose.

"Amelia Leanna Doyle!" Uhg, he used the middle name. I flinched. I took another hefty drink and began the tale of what had happened and how I'd come to meet the one and only Paul Smecker. The server had long since delivered our food, and it was almost cold before Dad found his words again.

"Why wouldn't ye tell me? Were ye afraid?" Concern and fear was written all over his face. I was ashamed for not telling him, but I had other's to protect. My saints.

"I wanted to, trust me. It's been gnawing away at me. But, I wasn't 'bout to risk the boys Dad." I picked up my fork and popped a mushroom into my mouth. Any other time my eyes would be rolling into the back of my head, but the topic at hand had it almost tasting like ash in my mouth. Dad huffed and lightly hit the table, making me jump and a couple a few tables over look at us in concern. I gave them a 'I'm sorry I'm an asshole' look.

"Te boys? Fuck te boys! Never again! Because of em ye've been layin around cryin yer eyes out! Ye've been workin' every night! Keepin' secrets and nearly killed! Or worse even!" His voice was rising, and my temper flared.

"Are ya sure you're one to lecture me about secrets Dad? What have you just spent the past while tellin' me about? I'm okay! The boys SAVED me! And now they are savin' this worthless piece of shit city!" I growled back, fist clenched on top of the table. "And I wouldn't lie to you or mom EVER, but those men aren't just anyone...they are MINE!" I clenched my jaw, feeling the tears brim my eyes. Dad was shocked I had to admit, I was a little shocked too. He took a moment to calm down and he poured him another glass of wine.

"Yer righ'. Yer reasons were the same as mine, protect te ones ye love." There was a sad tone, but he met my eyes and he sighed. "I get it. I'm sorry, Melia." I blinked and took his hand once again, feeling the anger melt away as he squeezed.

"I do love em Dad. I don't get it myself, but I do." I whimpered and wiped at my face with my free hand. "I miss em so much. I don't know whats going on but I know they are doing good. They are just tryin' to keep me safe." Dad continued to rub my hand and he motioned to the waiter.

"Howa 'bout we get to-go boxes and get home? We can discuss all t'is. What worries me now is someone has'ta know bout ye by now. If te boys are takin' on the mob on their own, they are goin' to be tryin' te shut em down." He stopped and asked the server for two boxes and the check. We got our food put away and I took the roses with me. I wanted to stick them in the window sill in the living room. I also grabbed the wine bottle. I was going to need this. Dad escorted me out to the car and got in, starting the ignition.

"So, who was it t'ats seen ye?" He asked, pulling out into the road.

"Ivan something.." I know Smecker had said his last name, but I'd been trying not to think about that day.

"Chekov?" I snapped my fingers and nodded. Dad grunted something that told me that couldn't have been good. "His bosses were kilt off a week or so ago.." I internally shivered. Connor and Murphy had done that. Nine men in one go. "T'is is what I don' get. Con and Murph seem te be goin' up te ladders. It's scarin alota guys." We came up on a stop light. "I hear t'ings. Yakavetta is not happy. He's goin' on trial in a few months. I helped get em' on te stand. Only shitty t'ing is he's gonna buy himself free again.." Worry crossed his face as the light changed and the South Boston night lights passed us.

"So you are an informant." I asked, and Dad nodded.

"Like I said, I get information and report te Smecker. He know's about ye, I don' know why he didn't lemme know when ye went in wit' te boys.." I blinked and sheepishly shrugged.

"We might have stressed the importance of my being there being kept a secret. Murphy nearly shit himself at the news article about the 'Saints of South Boston'." I snorted, but the humor wasn't really there. We'd all be afraid. Dad's brows furrowed and he grunted.

"T'at was ye tha' they were writin' about?" I just gave him a side glance and he hit the steering wheel. "Shite!" When we pulled into our parking spot, I grabbed my roses and he grabbed the bag of food and wine. Dad came around the car and shook his head. "Ye are definitely Irish. Only a lass would be able te keep a level head during all t'is." He cracked a small smile and kissed my forehead.

"Do you think Smecker would know anythin' about what the boys are doin?" I randomly asked. Dad opened the ground floor door and I walked in. I was waiting for him to answer me, he took a second to move around the bottle of wine and the bag of food.

"I dunno, if'n he did...I don' t'ink he'd say anythin." I wrinkled my nose and sighed. It was a least worth asking. When we topped the stairs, I was surprised to see a gift bag with paper poking out of the top of it. I gave Dad a questioning look, and he handed me the food and wine so he could unlock the door. He carefully picked the bag up and carried it to the kitchen counter. I wanted to growl at him, but I realized he was checking it to make sure it was safe. I guess I wasn't the only one on edge finding out new stuff tonight.

"M'kay, it's safe."

I managed a grin. "No explosives or det chord?" He shook his head, then waggled his finger at me as he took the other stuff from me and locked the door back.

"Don' be tellin' me ye have taken ta building bombs too?" Genuine concern was written on his face and I snorted.

"No Dad, it's called television." I pulled the paper out hastily and pulled out a wooden jewelry box. It was gorgeous. I slowly ran my fingers over the polished surface. It had a trinity symbol carved into it. I set it down on our counter, admiring the modest sized box. I had heard something shift inside it as I had lifted it from the gift bag. Anxiously, I flipped the box open and inside I found a rosary. It took my breath away. It looked just like the boys', except mine was daintier. The beads were smaller and the cross was smaller. I held it up, feeling the weight of it in my hand. Aside from the size difference, the circle that encased my cross was white, not back.

"Lovely." Dad commented, walking over. I nodded, turning the cross over. There was an inscription. I squinted and handed it to him.

"I think it's Latin." I knew nada about Latin, Dad might though...he listens to it all the time at church. He blinked and closed his eyes for a second, thinking hard.

"Ah, it says 'per fidem et fidei' , meaning 'with faith and loyalty'..." I felt my heart swell in my chest and he groaned.

"Hope it'sa way of te boy's sayin get yer ass te church...but I t'ink it's their way o' sayin they love ye." He crossed himself and I felt my cheeks reddening. "Lord in heaven, one woulda been bad enough, but two?" I put it on and held my hand over the cross. I grabbed up the jewelry bow and took it to my room, before coming back in the living room. Dad poured us some more wine and we collapsed on the couch. Silence fell between us and he kicked his feet up.

"So, ye wanna come te service tomorrow mornin'?" He was serious, motioning to the necklace around my throat. I thumbed it and scratched my nose.

"I reckon I could give it a go." I smiled as I sipped my wine. I had a gut feeling I should. Maybe it would bring me peace. I took a deep breath. "I think I owe God that much." I didn't bother to explain it to Dad, but I remembered how scared I had been seeing Murphy at gunpoint. I had begged God...then Connor came out of no where. He'd found the strength to rip that toilet up, survived a 5 story jump. I took another sip of my wine. Happy Birthday to me.

_With faith and loyalty._

*****Coldplay- Fix You**** **


	11. Photograph Pt 1

**A/N: This is part one of this chapter. Spent a long time thinking about this. Hope yall enjoy. Let me know what you think. **  
**Disclaimer: I own nothing BDS. **

Chapter 11 : Photograph

I woke up early. I smelled the coffee before I opened my eyes. I was slightly surprised I felt as well as I did, considering the amount of wine I'd consumed last night. Lazily I jerked the comforter back and walked into the kitchen. My hair was a royal mess and my left over makeup didn't help me none, but Dad never judged. He handed me a steaming cup of coffee and held up the paper.

"Not'in in the paper t'is mornin'. Guess te boys are havin' a slow week." I sipped my coffee and sighed.

"That really ain't funny. I said I didn't think what they were doin' was bad...doesn't mean I like knowin' they are out there." I huffed. I could taste the bad breath in my mouth being soured by the coffee and I made a face. Ew.

"I know t'is, but, can't say I'm complaining. The bastards tey kill all deserve it." My hazel eyes found him eying the rosary around my neck. I touched it, I hadn't meant to sleep in it. "If'n God did call em te do t'is, ten he chose right. Those Macmanus boys are more'n handsome faces Amelia. Tey have seen te worst outta life and came out wit a smile on t'ere faces. Eerie how tey always seem to be." I nodded and sighed.

"Got that right. Have you noticed how they seem to speak without sayin' anythin'. Like, they just know?" I was serious, they spoke so little sometimes. And yet they were always on the same page with one another. It gave me goose bumps.

"Aye, I figur'd it'd be somet'ing ta do with being twins. Creepy, but it's worked out in t'ere favor. Obviously." He grinned at me and pushed the hair on his head down. "'Sides, don' t'ink yer complaining too much. When t'os boys are 'round, yer all bright eyed and bushy tailed. Even a blind man would see it." I groaned and started walking to the bathroom.

"I'm going to get ready for church...let's just pray I don't burst into flames the moment I cross the threshold." I called behind me, I heard my Dad chuckle before I shut the bathroom door. I turned the hot water on and scrubbed myself down. It took me a bit, but when I stepped out I felt fresh as a daisy. Thirty minuets later, I was in something I guessed to be church appropriate. It was a plain, white sun dress. It ended just above my knees. I had always loved this dress, it was strapless so I threw on my blue jean jacket. I slipped my feet into my boots and braided my hair off to the side. I didn't want make up.

As I came out of my bedroom, Dad smirked as he looked at me. "One nigh' ye are a heart breaker t'en te next...country bumpkin." I gave him a smile and slipped the rosary around my neck. The cross fit neatly down between my breasts out of view. I slid my cell into my jacket pocket.

"Alrighty, I'm ready." He nodded and dumped the rest of his coffee down the drain. Dad opted for his black slacks and dress shirt with a hunter green sweater vest. He had a weakness for those things.

"T'en let us not waste any more time." I opened the door and he followed, locking. We headed out, the air was chilly. I was starting to regret my dress. Found out we were going to be walking, even better. The church was a few blocks down from our apartment building. It was a gothic looking building, tan stone and pillars. I paused for a minuet, wrapping my arm through my fathers. My heart seemed to speed up, anxiety settling into my bones.

"Jus' church Amelia, come on." He teased, I blinked and followed behind him. The stained glass windows were beautiful, casting various shades over pews and the floor. We arranged ourselves in the back. Dad nodded towards a few people he must regularly congregate with here. I on the other hand, couldn't pull my eyes off the giant statue of Jesus on the cross. My heart was still pounding. I stayed like this for a while, barely keeping up with the prayers and the Latin the priest was speaking. My eyes kept drifting up to the look on Jesus' face. Sadness. Resolution. My stomach clenched.

"Melia? Time te pray." Dad whispered over to me, eyes closed as he held his own rosary between his hands. I grunted and took the rosary from around my neck. I looked at it again. My eyes looked around me, making sure I didn't see any spectators. Coast was clear, I took a deep breath and got onto my knees. I bowed my head and closed my eyes. The rosary was clutched tightly in my hands. What am I supposed to pray for? World peace? Money? No, too selfish.

_Uh, God? I know I haven't kept in great touch lately, but surely you can see what's been going on. I apologize for my drinking and being aggravated. I'm sorry for my cussin'. I'm definitely not a model citizen, but I wanna also thank you for helpin' out there a few weeks ago. I know I owe ya for that. Murphy and Connor are a pretty big thing for me. I can't imagine not havin em around. Even right now, I miss the he...I miss them really bad. Again, sorry. Dad used to tell me you always have a plan, and I try to really believe that. It's just, where do I fit in to all this? I think I am in need of your direction. That's about it I guess, oh and jus' please keep a couple of ballsy angels watchin' out for our boys. Thanks, amen._

When I was done praying, I lifted my head and crossed myself. Dad was still on his knees, eyes closed. Maybe I should have spent longer? I sighed then stood, sitting myself back into the pew. Surely God doesn't need a bunch of hail marys and a book worth of words said to get it. He see's it all, right? I let that comforting thought circle through my mind. My eyes looked out at all the people still bowed, and the few who were getting up to leave. My mouth twisted as I put the rosary back around my neck. Again, my eyes found the statue behind the podium.

It must have been hard to be Jesus. Everyone always doubting you. I gave the figure a small sympathetic smile. My fingers rubbed the cross on my rosary. I wonder how Murphy and Connor felt when they looked upon this statue. Did they feel clarity, responsibility, guilt? I didn't know how I felt totally. I had kinda hoped for clarity about my life and where I was supposed to go from here. Maybe he'd give me a sign, point me in the right direction. Kinda hoped I'd see the boys here, praying and waiting for me. But they weren't here either.

I elected to stay seated there waiting for Dad to get out of confessional. He was in there for a bit, but he came out looking a little better. I stood and walked to the aisle, linking our arms together. It had to be around noon now, the sun was high and the morning chill had given away to a pleasant warmth. I shivered as the sun warmed me through my jacket.

"'S gotten pretty t'day." Dad spoke softly, he tilted his hat down to better shield his eyes. I smiled, enjoying the sunshine.

"Indeed. Boston needs prettier days." I felt better in the sun light. All and all, I didn't mind church so much. Mass was cathartic to a point. I still had the pesky feeling in the back of my brain, but I felt as if the stone in my heart was lightened a bit. I don't think even Jesus can make me miss the boys any less. We started back towards the apartment, I noticed how quiet Dad seemed. "Everythin' alright Dad?"

He shrugged and patted my hand that was resting on his forearm. "Aye, jus' kinda disappointed te boys weren't t'ere. Tho't maybe tey'd show up.." I felt the same way. "Don' get me wrong, I'm plenty cross at em...but how can I argue when m'girl looks at em as if she's found er heart 'n soul?" I shook my head and blushed. I knew my Dad wanted me happy, but I was worried for more reasons than them being out there killing the bad guys. When they do return and this mission from God is done, then what? I commit to both? They draw straws? They take turns taking me out? I shivered. Maybe I wasn't ready for them, not like that anyways. Surely they would be changed with so much blood on their hands. Wait, stop! I growled at myself. They aren't just anyone, they are them.

"Jus' make sure yer careful when tey come back, Melia." He smiled and stuck his free hand in his pocket.

We took a right and he abruptly stopped. His grip on me tightened and before I could really react, he hissed. "Act calm. I need ye to walk to te other side of te street and try nota lose sight o' me." I blinked and didn't have much time to ask questions before he pushed me away. I took a deep breath and steadied myself as I did as he asked. Once my boots hit the side walk, I looked over and seen him turn around. So I did the same, started walking back the way we came. The lunch time crowd was piling onto the side walks, people in suits and places to be. I was short so I was trying to dodge people to keep my eyes on my Dad.

I seen him take a corner and I stayed parallel to him. I slowed just enough to study the crowd he was walking through. There they were. Three guys in suits and sunglasses. My heart sank and I focused back on Dad. He was stiff as a board as he dodged the endless stream of people. My eyes found the men again, I thought maybe they could be agents of some sort...but Dad was in good with them. So, who are they? My heart was pounding in my chest, my ears ringing with the rush of blood. Fear and terror were working it's way back into my chest. I am so done with these kind of situations.

I was so focused on keeping my Dad in my sights, I didn't see the woman standing on the corner with her purse sat beside her. I tripped right over it. I yelped and rushed to my feet, ignoring the skinned palms and knee. I sucked in a deep breath, trying to jog ahead to catch up to my Dad and hi pursuers. I wanted to ask for help, but nobody wanted to get involved in South Boston. I groaned and sped up. My boots were making a distinct sound on the pavement. I could feel sweat dotting my eye brows and collecting between my shoulder blades.

Dad looked over in my direction and spotted me, giving me a guarded look. I was terrified and he looked about the same. I whimpered, tears stinging my eyes as my lungs started burning. I swallowed it down. I didn't even know where we were. He sought me out again and then took off at a run. I gasped, seeing him dart over to my side of the road and grab my hand. We took off like bats outta hell. My heart pounding and my lungs burning. I could hear my Dad wheezing.

"We gotta split up Melia." He said, dodging between buildings and into an alley way. "Tho'se are Yakavetta's men. Tey've seen ye now. Ye need to keep running until ye get anywhere t'ats gotta Irish name. Run in and yell 'Sanctuary'. They'll hide ye. Wait a bit den call Doc." I was about to have a panic attack until Dad slung us behind a garbage dumpster when he thought we had a second. "Please, be careful. I'll meet ye at Docs tonight. I love you." He was heaving and there was a terror in his eyes, frantic. I shook my head but he kissed my forehead and pushed me in the opposite direction.

"Dad.." I choked out, he pointed in the direction I was supposed to be running.

"GO!" He barked, and I shook. He stood there, saying so much in his eyes. I blinked and nodded. I turned around and took off. My boots echoing through the ally until I hit another crowded area. The people around me were a blur as tears spilled down my cheeks and I fought the want to collapse. I had to get somewhere safe. People started to take notice of me and began moving out of my way. I was too terrified to look behind me, just kept running. I was scared for Dad. He knew this city better than I, surely he'd find somewhere to hide out.

Nothing around me was familiar. After how ever long I had ran, I looked around me more attentively. Dad said look for an Irish name. I didn't want to break out of the lunch crowd but the farther I went, the more sparse it was becoming. I spotted a crown outside a cafe. I slowed to a jog, using the cover of the men and women drinking latte's as cover so I could catch my breath. After a second, I took off again and took another corner. What the hell? I felt sick to my stomach. I needed to find my father's people, my people. Then I heard it. At first it sounded like thunder. That sound had became a constant in my life. I shook it off. I quickened my pace and took a sharp right into a nook in the wall. Above me an old wooden sign was swinging. The Green Isle. There was a rowdy commotion coming from within, tears of relief filled my eyes. _Thank you, God._

The outside didn't look like much with it's blacked out windows set into old rotting wooden windows. I took a shaky breath and opened the metal door that clashed with the wood and brick exterior. I felt the tears slowing on my cheeks, I knew what I needed to do. Through the clouds of smoke and the large burly bodies of plant workers, I seen the Irish flag on the wall behind the bar. Slowly the patrons stopped and seen me. The rugby game on the television was forgotten for a moment as I excused myself through the crowd. Definitely a rougher crowd than what congregated at Doc's.

The tender was also a rough lookin' man. Tall, dark black hair tied back behind his head. He wore a white tee shirt and a goatee. My eyes were puffy from crying and my voice was rough. He looked me over and set the beer he'd been pouring down.

"Can I 'elp ye lass?" His brogue was heavier than Doc's or the boy's. I nodded and felt my eyes watering again as fear went through me. I needed lots of help. I needed my Dad. I needed Connor and Murphy. I was shaking as he shouted for the bar to shut up. I flinched and met his dark green eyes.

"Sanctuary." I choked out. All those within earshot trying not to eavesdrop so obviously, snapped their faces to me. The bartender looked around at the men closest to the bar.

"Aye, come t'is way little one." I stumbled and shook. A hand caught me and I looked up to see a younger man holding me up. He had glasses, a round face and big blue eyes that looked concerned. I nodded my thanks and let him escort me around to a small table in the furthest corner of the pub. The bartender took a second to get to me as he stopped to say something to a few men. I lost sight of them as they moved towards the door. I blinked and tried to calm myself.

The dark haired man came up to me, he had to be at least 6 and a half foot tall. He was almost scary, but the look in his eyes was reassuring.

"Name's Shannon, 'tis my boy Michael. Tell me lass, what's got ye shaken up an' scared?" The sudden softness of his voice reminded me of my father.

"I'm Amelia Doyle. I was walkin' with my Dad out of church and he made us split up. There was guys followin us...then he joined up with me and told me to find the first place with a Irish name and ask for sanctuary.." I coughed, covering my mouth as Shannon handed me a napkin. I wiped my face and shook. "I'm sorry to come in here." Shannon snorted and waved it off.

"No worries lass. Who's yer Da? T'eres a lotta Doyles in South Boston."

I licked my lips and looked at Michael, wondering how old the boy was. Maybe 15 or 16? His face was still round with age. "Carrin Doyle. He's a teacher." I blinked, and looked back to Shannon. He scratched his goatee.

"Short feller, wears a hat everywhere?" I nodded and his face was impassive for a moment, but softened.

"Aye I know ye Da. Used ta play cards together on occasion. Shark 'e is." He paused and patted his son's shoulder. "Get the lass a drink would ye, ice water." Michael nodded and left. I sniffled and Shannon looked around. I stared at my hands, trying to will my body to stop shaking so much. I needed to be strong. Everything was going to be alright. "Ye said men were chasin' ye two?"

"Yeah, Italians." I tried to be vague, but it didn't help. Shannon's eyes widened slightly and crossed himself.

"Fuckin' bastards tey are, no better'n those Russian piece of shit's that bit it." Shannon's voice rose slightly and I heard something I'd never forget. The pub broke out in unison.

"AYE, SAINTS!"

I felt my eyes sting as I swallowed down more tears. Everyone loved them, especially the Irish community. They were doing good work, giving folks hope. I was oddly proud of them but right now I needed them. I needed to see them. I needed their strength. My saints. Michael returned, giving me the cold ice water. I took a gulp of it, soothing the fire in my chest.

"Thank you Michael." I said and the boy smiled, holding his hand over his chest.

"Nota problem, miss. Any'ting else I can bring ye?" His voice sounded on the edge of puberty. All in all, he was a handsome young man. I shook my head and he excused himself. Shannon watched after him and then looked back to me, patting my hand.

"Ye can stay as long as ye need ta. Got m'boys watchin' the door. Any trouble and tey will redirect it immediately." I gave him a small smile and took a shaky breath.

"I'm gonna call someone, have him come and pick me up. Sposed to meet up with my father at McGinty's tonight." Shannon gave me a thoughtful look.

"Alrigh' girl, ye callin Doc I guess?"

"Yeah, he's like family." I would be happy to see the old man. Shannon looked at the clock and then back to me.

"I know Doc, funny fucker. Tellem me an' my boy'll get you back to McGinty's after night fall. I'll have a fewa my boys come too, jus' in case lass. I don' know ye troubles, but I do know if the Italian's are gunnin' fer ye..." Shannon trailed off and shook his head. He snapped his fingers and walked away to give me some privacy.

With steadier hands I took out my cell phone and called the old man. It rang twice before his voice boomed in my ear.

"Amelia?" His voice sounded frantic and worried. I nodded to myself, free hand clutching the rosary. I sniffled.

"Doc..." I breathed out and cursed myself for all my damn crying. I needed to keep myself in check.

*****Ed Sheeran - Photograph*****


	12. Photograph Pt 2

**A/N: *sighs* Cheers, folks. Goin' to go hug my pillow now. **  
**Disclaimer: I own nothing BDS. **

_"We keep this love in a photograph_  
_we make these memories for ourselves_  
_where our eyes are never closing_  
_hearts are never broken_  
_and times forever frozen still_  
_So you can keep me_  
_Inside the pocket of your ripped blue jeans_  
_Holdin' me closer_  
_Till our eyes meet_  
_You won't ever be alone_  
_**Wait for me to come home**"_

Chapter 11 : Photograph Pt 2

When night fell over Boston, Shannon and his son took me to McGinty's. The car that followed us held a few of Shannon's 'close friends'...who happened to be strapped to the teeth. Just in case, he'd said. Shannon's old pick up truck pulled up and parked. Michael opened the door and slid out. The young teen went to pull his shirt down in the back, and I was surprised to see him even carrying a gun. I followed suite, it took all my will power not to leave them where they stood. Shannon was adamant about going in first, to make sure it was just Doc inside. So I conceded to his request and watched him go inside. The burly Irish guys were standing with me and Michael, eyes on the look out.

When Shannon poked his head out, telling us to come on in...I rushed inside. The moment I seen Doc, I looked around. Panic rose in my throat.

"Dad?" I asked, Doc shook his head. I bit my lower lip. Doc met me the rest of the way and enveloped me into a tight hug.

"He'll git here, jus' givem some time Amelia." I wanted to believe him, I really did.

"Okay. I've tried callin' his cell but there's no answer." I said, letting him finish bestowing the best hug he could manage on me. He let out a string of unsavory phrases but I just ignored them. Shannon shook Doc's hand, introducing his son and the three guys standing close to the door. I sat at the bar, missing the noise of cheery patrons. The silence tore away at me. I must have sat there for a while, staring at the shiny whiskey and liquor bottles. I faintly listened to Shannon and Doc talk. Apparently Shannon was going to stay here for a while, wanting to make sure no trouble came knocking.

The Green Isle group set up station outside and Michael stayed inside with us, talking to Doc about various things. I would glance up into the mirror behind the bar, seeing Doc watching me carefully. When 9:30 rolled around, I kept glancing at the clock. That tingly feeling kept flaring up in the back of my mind. I tried to shake it off. Dad might have had to go further than me to hide. Maybe he went for help. I had had the thought hours ago to call Smecker, but I had a feeling I should wait. When the pub phone rang, I jumped up. I went around the counter to grab the cordless, but Doc had it in his hand already. Guess he wanted to keep it close.

My heart was pounding, watching him expectantly. His face fell, but he still seemed hopeful.

"Aye, well ye need te git yur asses here. FUCK! Te lass need ye, damnit!" He paused and I felt my heart speeding up. "Alrigh', see ye soon." Doc ended the call and he sighed. The old man stuck the phone on the table in front of him. My face was froze, needing him to tell me.

"Well?" I asked, not meaning to be as harsh as it came out. I winced, "Sorry.." Doc gave me a small smile, motioning to the phone.

"Well, wasn't yer Da...but te boys are on t'ere way. I managed te get lucky earlier and gotta hold of em." He looked a bit mad though, cheeks flushed. I on the other hand, buried my face in my hands and nodded. Good, I needed them here. Maybe we could go looking for Dad. I sniffled and forced myself not to cry with relief. I couldn't sit, so I took to pacing around the room. My feet were hurting, but I didn't care. Michael had went outside to tell Shannon and his crew that we were expecting company.

Another hour later I excused myself to the bathroom. I let the door shut behind me before I did my business and stood in front of the mirror. I washed my hands and looked at my reflection. My skin seemed pale. It made sense. The stinging in my palms was just an annoyance. I scrubbed them and made sure the scratched up skin was clean. I lifted my dress up, inspecting my knee. It looked about the same, except for the dark dried blood here and there. I left the water running and tore off a paper towel to clean it with. When the skin was cleaned of all dust and dirt, I tossed the paper into the trash can.

I twisted the faucet off and leaned my back against the sink. The white of the bathroom, with its various messaged scribbled here and there on the stalls...it broke me suddenly. I felt the tears welling up and I held myself. I didn't want to cry anymore. I hated myself for not being stronger. Everyone always told me to run. Run. Why did God suddenly decide to test me? Dad always told me when life got hard, it was a test. He'd never bring un to things he wouldn't see us through. He had faith in us. But damnit, I wish he'd have less faith in me. I can't handle this. I was meant for farm work and being isolated.

My body shook still, as I tried pulling oxygen into my lungs. My throat was hurting from the want to break down. No, Amelia. You will not break down. I swallowed it all down. But despite my resolve to keep my shit together, I couldn't ignore the feeling that something was really wrong. Dad should be here by now. He'd never make me wait knowing how worried I was bound to be. He knew I needed him... That's when the dam broke. A moan left my mouth as I doubled over myself. I let it all out. My arms were tightly around myself as I squeezed, willing to put myself back together. I needed my Daddy. I needed his terrible jokes, his burnt food, the overzealous way he'd jump to my defense.

I sucked in a breath and felt my body grow weaker as the emotion took everything from me. I can't lose my Dad, I needed him to be here. We still had years to spend getting to know everything about one another. I let myself ride out the worst of the torrents of sadness and fear. Minuets later I had managed to muffle it and catch my breath, no longer trying to steady myself. Carefully, I righted myself and turned around to face the mirror again. I ran cold water and splashed it on my face to ease the soreness around my eyes. If Dad is...gone...he'd want me strong. Doc was right, I can't lose hope yet. But, the world was feeling a little smaller. Something has changed.

A knock on the bathroom door averted my attention and I turned the water off. I sniffled and cleared my throat.

"Yeah?" I asked, voice rough. I stayed facing the mirror as I watched the door slowly open, and the blue eyes of Connor Macmanus met my reflection. I was frozen. My body was rigid as he and his brother slowly entered. Murphy shut the door behind him. Their eyes were hollow and they too seemed scared. I hadn't taken a single breath since they came in. I just kept my back towards them, studying them through the mirror. My red puffy eyes didn't blink, even as I felt the moisture collecting and about to spill over.

"Doc called.." Murphy broke the silent spell between us. I felt my bottom lip tremble, I clenched my jaw before dropping their gaze and looking to my skinned palms. I was angry they'd been gone, but seeing them here...looking unsure and scared to come close to me, I didn't care anymore. I prepared myself to speak, determined to not keel over.

"We had went to church this mornin'. He'd been wantin' me to go for a while now." I whispered, scraping my finger nail over a piece of torn skin. "I prayed for direction. Prayed for you two." I lifted my eyes up, meeting theirs one at a time. Connor's eyes were turning red and I seen the brimming of tears, Murphy was looking close to it. I blinked a few out of my eyes and looked back down to the sink. "We were on our way home and he made us split up. There was three guys in suits following us. I ended up at Shannon's pub. I still haven't heard from Dad." I took a deep shaky breath but remained still. "Doc said Dad had called him, tellin him to keep an eye out for me." I coughed as my heart choked me from the inside out.

My eyes came up and I seen the two men staring at the floor, tears on their faces. I wished they would say something. "I'm sorry that the world is fallin' apart. I just wish I could stop fuckin' cryin." I sucked my lower lip in between my teeth and bit down. I felt my lungs squeeze and I bent over the sink, gripping the porcelain. I wished it would crumble beneath my fingers, I wanted to break everything. I wanted to break the men who chased us. I wanted Yakavetta dead. I wanted my Dad back.

Firm hands pulled me upright and I was encased. Connor was on my front, hands in in my hair. The smooth skin of his face pressed into my cheek. I couldn't separate his tears from my own. His hands felt desperate as they almost painfully dug into my scalp. The tightness around my waist told me Murphy was pressed into my back. I rose one hand to hold the back of Connor's neck, while my left intertwined with Murphy's and squeezed. "I needed you." I said to them both as I shuddered. Connor nodded against me and pulled away, resting his forehead against mine. We breathed each other in.

"We're here, now." His voice wavered. Murphy's hand in mine squeezed. I closed my eyes and felt Connor's lips rest on my forehead as they have done so many times before. They smelled the same, felt the same. The soft lips on my forehead stayed there for a long few seconds. I needed them, didn't they see this? Four weeks with no word. I had missed them, and I had done better than I had expected. Then all hell came down around me. I felt so alone, something about them even just being in the same room made things better. I wasn't going to be alone for this, but what about after? There was still bad men out there, and they would have to kill them. I wanted them to.

We stood there, for minuets just being close to one another. Connor eventually pulled away and kissed my forehead again. "Gotta talk ta Doc." I sniffled and let him go. He didn't try to take me with him, he just left Murphy and myself. Door shut behind him.

I rubbed my face as Murphy slowly detached himself from my back. I looked up and blinked, seeing his pale skin starting to loose the redness his tears had caused him. Those stormy eyes of his looked lost and guilty. My heart tugged. I exhaled, pulling him in to me. His long arms wrapped me up and he buried his face into my hair.

"Murphy." I whispered. He made a sound in his throat before he pulled away. I blinked and touched his face, seeing his eyebrow had healed up nicely. A small part of myself wished I'd been the one to take the stitches out. "I'm sorry."

He shushed me. "No need ta be sorry." He lowered his face to be eye level with me. I seen the emotions warring in there. I knew he wanted to say something, but he was holding it back. I wish I could do that, hold things back and be strong. His thumbs rubbed my jaw line as he gently pulled me in. His lips lightly kissed the corner of my mouth. My eyes fluttered closed, feeling my chest squeeze. Murphy pulled away, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. "C'mon, love."

We exited the bathroom. Doc, Connor and Michael sat in a booth all nursing a small glass of whiskey. Doc stood and motioned to the clock. It was already 1 am? How long had I been in the bathroom? I blinked and felt panic rise up into my throat. Murphy felt me tensing and squeezed my shoulders. Murphy pulled out his smokes and lit one, handing it to me. I gladly accepted it and chewed my lip.

"Dad should have been here by now." They didn't say anything, but they knew I was right. I took a drawl off the tobacco. I knew why he wasn't here. I could feel it. That weird sense of mine firing off in my head. My heart was broken. I closed my eyes and sent up a silent prayer. Give me strength. "I need to make a phone call." I let the cigarette dangle from my lips and walked to the bar, pouring me a glass of whiskey. I didn't hear the boys hovering behind me, but I felt them there.

"Ya still got Smecker's card?" I mumbled as I flipped my ashes into the floor. I heard Connor digging into his pocket and pulled out his wallet.

"Whatcha wanna call Smecker fer?" He asked. They leaned against the bar and gave me curiously suspicious looks. I sipped the whiskey, not even feeling the burn of it going down. I was starting to go numb.

"Dad was an informant for Smecker. I need to let him know." My voice sounded flat. The boy's brows rose, confused. Thankfully, they didn't ask anymore questions and Connor handed the card over. My hand slowly dialed his number into my phone. I would save it later. I took another sip while I heard the phone ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Finally, he answered.

"Yeah?" He sounded aggravated, can't rightly blame him. It was after midnight.

"Agent Smecker?" I asked, staring out into the space between the Jameson bottle and the Jack bottle.

"This is him, who is this?" I inhaled my cigarette, flipping.

"This is Amelia Doyle." I paused as he made a sound of surprise.

"Amelia? Oh, uh...what can I do for you, at this hour?" He sounded curious but a little irritated still.

"It's my Dad." Silence. I felt my throat tighten for a second. I pinched the filter between my fingers. Luckily, he decided not to beat around the bush.

"What's happened with Carrin?" I was shocked to hear the notes of genuine concern in his voice. I chewed the inside of my cheek for a moment. You can do, Amelia. I felt the boys put a hand on me, trying to help give me strength.

"He's missing, and I'm fairly certain..it's not good." I heard him grunt and something get knocked over on his end.

"Where are you Amelia? Are the Macmanus brothers with you? Are you safe?" I flipped more ashes into the floor and took another draw off the cigarette.

"Yeah, I'm safe. We're here at McGinty's." There was the sound of a door closing and he sounded flustered.

"Okay, I need you to stay there. I am on my way over. Only me. We'll figure out what we're going to to once I get there, sweetheart." He paused. "We're gonna find your dad, kid." I mumbled a thank you and hung up. I snuffed the cigarette out in a ashtray Connor slid in front of me.

"What did 'e say?" He then asked. I shrugged and slumped on the bar stool.

"Told me to stay put, said he'd be here. He's comin' by himself." I rubbed my face and leaned into Murphy as he stepped into my side. Connor came into my other side, holding my hand and gently rubbing it. I sat there for god knows how long, concentrating on the boys. Not too many words were exchanged. I was grateful for this, it gave me time to fully prepare for the worst. When Agent Smecker did arrive, he seemed very flustered. He'd came in, looking around and then he spotted us three.

He walked over and I watched him. He gave the boys a look, then his eyes came down to mine. Paul Smecker had never struck me as the sentimental type, so I wasn't prepared for his face to fall the way it did.

"Amelia..." He gently took my hand from Connor and held it between his. "What happened? Where did you last see him?" I licked my lips and motioned to Murphy for another smoke. I wasn't a smoker, but I needed a distraction. Fuck it, pretty much. Might as well. i began recounting the events from where we came out of church. Paul had let go of my hand and started writing noted down in a small paper pad he pulled from his pocket. His movements were jerky, mouth drawn taught. He didn't ask too many questions. When he was on his third page, he stopped.

"I'm gonna need to call in a few guys to help me. You've met em. I need to keep this out of the paper and off the books if I can. Carrin and I..." I nodded and snuffed the cigarette out.

"I know, he told me. S'why I called." Smecker gave me a lingering look before he reached behind me and grabbed my phone, I waved him off numbly. He took a few steps away and began whispering. Everyone else was shifting around, eyeing me. Even the boys. They were huddled with Doc and Michael, talking in low voices. I just sighed and wanted this to be over. I don't quite remember when Smecker left, or Shannon and Michael. I do remember getting up from that fucking bar stool and walking to sit in the booth where Dad and I had sat my first night in Boston.

I stared at the seat where Dad had sat, talking to me about how much he loved this place. How passionate he'd been. Lively. The others gave me space to think and mull things over I guess. Connor and Murphy just kept some distance, Doc looked as if any second now his head was going to explode. I was just tired. My hands were sore. I crossed my arms over the table and rested my forehead. I thought about everything. Thought about being a little girl, playing in fields of flowers while Dad and Mom argued. Funny how you think about things like that in times like this. Thought about the expression on the face of Jesus at church. Thought about my horse, how bad I'd give my arm to have him close.

* * *

"Amelia..." I gentle hand startled me and I sat upright. I blinked rapidly, looking up. Sunlight was coming through the dusty windows. I found Murphy was crouched next to me, trying to wake me up. I rubbed my eyes and stood. I had fallen asleep?

"What's goin' on?" I cleaned the crust out of my sore eyes and took a good look around. Everyone was here. Murphy stood and grabbed my hand firmly. Connor was walking up to me. He grabbed my other hand. The dark blond brother was facing me, but had his body angled away from everyone else. His hand gave a twitch. "What..." I wanted to speak, but the hands which held mine tightened. I felt my legs get a little weaker. No.

"Amelia." The voice of Paul Smecker pulled my attention. His hair looked rough, his shirt was pulled from his pants and his tie was loose around his neck. Behind him were the three cut ups from the station. Greenly, that was the bagel boy. Doc was sat down, glasses in front of him, face covered. I was shaking. "Your father..." I could see the strain on Smecker's face. I stilled. I held my breath, God no. "We found him, I'm so sorry.."

I will always remember this moment. I exhaled and closed my eyes. I had known it, I could feel it. The brothers were braced for a break down, but instead I squeezed their hands. I imagined my father's voice singing to me as a child. Some old Irish nursery rhyme his mother had sang to him. I remembered the sound of his laughter. His bright blue eyes as he spoke of his passions. The crazy way his hair looked as he drank his morning coffee. Nobody spoke. They just all stood there, not knowing what to do.

"I'm okay." I sniffled to the boys. I knew they didn't believe me, I didn't blame them. I wouldn't believe me either with my track record. I opened my eyes and let a few silent tears fall down my cheeks. I met Smecker's eyes. "Thank you, for helping." The FBI agent looked torn, but decided to come up to me. He put his hands on my shoulders and touched my face.

"It was a real honor to know your father. He was an amazing man. I'll need to get with you soon, we had arrangements regarding you in case.." He trailed off and gave me a sad smile. "Take some time, is there anyone you want me to contact? Your mother for example?" I shook my head.

"No, I'll call her. Dunno what to tell her though." I didn't want to lie about his...death. Even thinking about Dad being dead..."But I know I can't tell her the real story. For various reasons." My grip tightened on the boys, and they squeezed back. Smecker eyed us and nodded.

"Okay. Like I said before, you are an odd three. And boys?" Connor turned his head to the side to look at him, Murphy just stood where he was. "Take care of her. You know my number." He looked stern before going back to me. "We're going to call it a mugging. Your Dad brought you home, he went out for to get dinner and never came home." I nodded and took a deep breath.

"Thank you." He said something else but my ears weren't listening. I stayed in that spot with Murph and Connor until everyone but Doc was gone. Doc was crying, mumbling and randomly firing off various curse words. Murphy tugged my hand and I looked at him.

"Where ye wanna go? Ye wanna go home?" Home. I don't know if the apartment would be home anymore. It would still look the same as we left it. My stomach churned, but it was his.

"Yeah. I...dunno what I need." I confided in them. It was true, I felt lost. I had my boys back, but for how long? I still had to call Mom. She was going to lose it. I shuddered. I let them go as I gave Doc a hug. He was torn up pretty bad. He spouted off about me calling him for anything I could possible need. He lit into the boys saying they'd better stay close to me. I love Doc. And I told him that too.

"I love ye too girl." His arms squeezed me and let go. His eyes were red rimmed and I kissed his cheek before letting the boys walk me out.

I don't remember much of the walk home, or how we got in the apartment. I hadn't had my key. But when I was standing in the open space of the kitchen, I shivered. Our coffee cups, still half full were sitting in front of the Bunn coffee maker. The boys were peeling off their coats and hanging them up. Connor helped me out of my blue jean jacket. I looked down at myself. I loved this dress. It had always been a favorite. My eyes started to water. Dad had liked it too. My hand came up to my chest and I gently took off the rosary. I was well aware the boys were watching me. I set it on the bar next to the coffee cups and started walking to my room. Half way to my room I kicked my boots off and left them there.

I didn't even bother to close the door as I changed into my sweat pants and sleep shirt. I left the dress on the floor where it had fallen. I took my braid out and re braided it. Slowly, that numb feeling started to become stronger. It's okay though. I didn't want to cry anymore. I knew it would hit me eventually, but right now the only thing I wanted was to let the boy's surround me. I grabbed my cell and sat on the couch. As if they could hear my thoughts, Murphy and Connor joined me.

"We got ye." Connor whispered and I gave him probably the saddest excuse ever for a smile.

"I know y'all do." I leaned my back against him, letting him hold me from behind. Murphy carefully arranged himself to where my legs were in his lap and he was leaned over, half on top of me.

"No matter what." Murphy added, his warm breath soaking into the material on my side. I felt my broken heart beat, reminding me to stay strong. For them. For myself. _For Dad._

****Ed Sheeran - Photograph****


	13. Let It Hurt

**A/N: This one is a bit long, mostly dialogue and interaction.**  
**I felt it was needed to get a feel for a group dynamic with Annette thrown in. **  
**Hope it pleases. After this chapter and the next, things will pick up a bit. Hugs! **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing BDS. **

_"7:42 in the morning  
__8 seconds before it all sinks in  
__Put your best face on for the world  
__Fake another smile and just pretend  
__But you're just puttin' off the pain  
__Nothing's ever really gonna change  
__So let it hurt, let it bleed  
__Let it take you right down to your knees  
__Let it burn to the worst degree  
__May not be what you want, but it's what you need  
__Sometimes the only way around it  
__Is to let love do it's work  
__And let it hurt  
__Yeah, let it hurt"_

Chapter 13: Let It Hurt

I was laying on the couch, listening to the droning of early morning cartoons. It was Friday. I hadn't done much sense the boys got me home yesterday morning. I called Mom, and just like I had expected she'd flipped her lid. At first she thought it was a sick joke, but I had lost it. I cried. She cried. Told her about the 'mugging'. Also told her I was safe, and that Murphy and Connor were with me. Naturally she asked to speak with one of them when she'd got herself under control. Connor had spoken to her, his voice soft and sure. Connor was good about handling women, he had a soft spot. Murphy did too, but he wasn't as vocal about things like his twin.

Mom would be here tonight. She had called her manager and canceled a few signings so she could fly in and be here for Dad's services. I couldn't wait to see her, but I knew she would try to get me to come home or go with her. That just wasn't going to happen. It would be a fight, but like hell was I not staying. I had business to take care of at least. Had to get Dad's affairs in order, see the boys bring down that bastard Yakavetta. They'd caught me up to speed on their 'mission'. I couldn't muster up the stuff to be worried for them, but I was proud of them. They were doing what someone should have done a long time ago.

I licked my lips and decided to sit up. My hair was stuck to the side of my face so I pushed it back. Connor and Murphy had left a while ago to get some stuff from where they'd been staying with Rocco. I guess they were planning on staying here for a while. I hadn't argued with them, I wanted them close. I really dunno what Mom will have to say about it, but I am sure she'll understand.

When I found my feet I stretched and decided to wash the dishes in the sink. They were starting to stink. Ran hot water and added some dish soap, lathering up a sponge and going to town. Since my phone call with Mom, I hadn't cried any more. Maybe I was just too tired, or maybe I didn't have anything left to cry out. Either way I was happy about it. I was tired of crying. The boys made a point to try to keep me mentally preoccupied. They'd start talking about mundane things, funny stories on Rocco...anything. It helped. I listened more than I spoke. Mostly because I didn't trust myself to not crack.

When the dishes were done, but before I drained the dish water I took a good hard look at the two coffee cups. My rosary still laid there, too. I grabbed and emptied mine, quickly washing it and setting it aside to rinse. But Dad's, I just dumped the coffee out and took a paper towel to the inside. I didn't have the heart to wash it. Didn't want to risk getting rid of the small part of him that lingered with it. The cup didn't look like anything special. Was just a plain cheap green porcelain mug with a chip missing from the rim. 'Gave it more character' he'd commented one morning. With steady hands I set it back in it's spot in front of the coffee pot.

I leaned against the sink and took a deep breath. My bottom lip was so tender from me chewing it so I winced as I bit it, then wishing I hadn't done it. I felt my stomach growl, knowing full well I haven't eaten anything. The boys had tried to get me to nibble on something but the smell of food all but turned my stomach inside out. I needed to eat though. I knew life was different. I'd be doing a lot of things from now on out because of need. I wouldn't always be happy about them. This was life. This was being an adult was all about. I felt like the girl I'd been on the farm was lifetimes away.

This me that I was...I was different. I was hurt, in pain, struggling to breath but I had love. Love for a father deceased, love for two Irish brother's who I couldn't bare to part with, love for an eccentric mother, love for this world I had woken up in a few months ago. I gritted my teeth and kicked off the sink. A shower sounded nice, but just because I was alone I grabbed the .380 to take with me. It sat on the side of the tub outside the shower curtain while I washed the last two days off me. When I was done, I toweled off and cracked the bathroom door to let the steam out. Wrapping myself in a towel, I stepped out and seen the boys just walking in.

Momentarily they stopped to see me. I gave them a small smile, it was the best thing I offered up in the past 24 hours. Connor cracked a grin and Murphy set down a duffel beside the counter.

"Aye, look who's up 'n movin 'round." Connor took his coat off and hung it up before coming up to me and kissing my forehead. "Sorry it took us s'long. We uh, had to stop by te station." I noticed the big paper bag tucked under his arm. In black sharpie I seen Doyle scribbled across it. "Asked me te give these ta ye. Your Da's personals." I felt my lips draw into a line as he placed the bag in my outstretched hands.

I nodded, giving him another small smile. "Thanks." Murphy was just now hanging up his coat. I licked my lips and took a steady breath. "I'm going to get dressed then I'll make some lunch. Sure y'all are hungry." I back stepped and went into my room, shutting the door behind me. I set the bag on my dresser and slid into my panties and a sports bra. My hair was still wet so I ran the towel over it some more and grabbed a tank top. I was just plain and light pink. My damp hair fell around my face and I just pushed it back. When i came back out, the boys were huddled around the fridge.

The two looked amusing as they pushed each other back and forth, looking for something. Both were in jeans, but for once they weren't identically dressed. Connor had a white muscle shirt on, showing his more muscular upper body. Murphy had on a long sleeved grey shirt on, sleeves pushed up to his elbows. He looked boyish and cute. The sudden onslaught of affection made hope bloom in my chest. I wouldn't hurt right now, but eventually I would be okay. Forever changed, but okay. It took them a few minuets to notice me, Murphy was the first to see me. I cocked an eye brow at them.

"Didn't I say I was gonna make some lunch? If you spoil your appetite I'm gonna skin both of ya." I rested my hand on my hip, trying to seem a little intimidating. Connor snorted at my sassy moment and handed Murphy a soda.

"No need fer t'at. Just diggin fer a beverage." Their blue eyes watched me as I bumped them out of the way as I looked. What did I want to make? More like, what could I make that wouldn't have me puking. I scrunched my nose as I shut the fridge and began going through cabinets. Maybe some soup and grilled cheese. That would be light and quick. I pulled out a pot and emptied to cans of tomato soup into it, adding just a little water. I pulled out a smaller frying pan and motioned towards the fridge.

"Can one of y'all get me the cheese and butter out?" I called out to which ever one would do it. Murphy handed me the tub of butter and the package of cheese. I shoulder bumped him in thanks as I focused on the task at hand. They leaned over the counter, watching me as I got lunch underway. "So, Mom will be touching down tonight. I dunno what she'd gonna say about y'all. Never been in a situation where I had to introduce anyone before..." I turned to look at them, sharing the nervous expression on my face.

They seemed un phased though, which humored me. Blissful ignorance, I guess.

"Not worried bout yer Ma." Connor spoke, cracking open his canned soda. I snorted and began buttering some pieces of bread. "Should we be?"

I turned the burners on before pushing my hair behind my ears. "Mm, just don't be too confident. My Mom can see through bullshit like nobody else." I looked back at them once more and seen their confidence slightly waver. "I don't care what she says at first, she'll love you guys." I felt my stomach tighten. "Like I do." Quickly, I turned my head back to my task at hand. Oh my god, Amelia! Really? I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. Luckily, the boys didn't make any smart comments. What the hell was wrong me? I had a few ideas, but the last thing I wanted to be was the girl who threw around the L word around.

"Well, sure she'll warm up eventually. Ev'ryone loves us." Murphy said, I heard the smile in his voice. I smiled to myself, flipping the grilled cheese.

"Aye, except ta lady at te factory...she didn' t'ink we were too funny." Connor chuckled, but was soon quiet. "Me nuts hurt jus' t'inkin bout it." Murphy started laughing and I let the happiness wash over me. I'd missed this so much when they were gone. We hadn't really spoken about them being 'gone'...just what they'd done. It was almost like two different subjects. One was open for discussion, the other was avoided. I guess their murderous ways was more comfortable than the heartache of their absence. How fucked.

I stirred the soup and turned it down, plating the grilled cheese and starting another.

"Have ye ever been ina fight, álainn?(_beautiful)_" Connor asked, half amused and curious. I didn't catch the last part. I wiped the butter off my finger tips on my shorts before turning and shrugging.

"We talkin' a fight in general or an honest to god ass whoopin?" Thier smiled got bigger.

"Ei'ter." Murphy added, sipping his soda. I could tell they were just itching to hear a good story. I needed a good laugh, desperately. I checked the sandwich before I started speaking.

"Well, on the farm we hire farm hands to help out during the warmer months. We have a few hundred achors so it's a buncha work. Well, Mom hired this young college guy named Nick." I sighed, purposely zoning out for a second. "Anyways, Nick had a girlfriend... and one day I was helpin' him unload some hay from the back of our farm truck. When we were done, I brought him out some tea and old girl pulled in. She seen me smile at him and he kinda did this thing where he pinched my chin real sweet..." I checked my grilled cheese again, flipping it. The boys were waiting for me to finish.

"And?" Connor asked, trying to not seem too anxious.

"Well she ended stompin her purdy lil' ass across our yard and rose all kindsa hell. I asked her to leave, she slapped me." Murphy's eye brows shot up.

"No fuckin' way!" He snorted.

"So, I responded in kind and we ended up in a hay bale. It was strung out all over the place. We rolled around screamin and hittin each other stupid until Nick separated us." I gave them a grin and Connor eyed me suspiciously. The longer he stared at me, the harder it was for me to keep a straight face.

"Aye! Fuck ye! Liar!" He hollered, standing and pointing his finger at me. I let out an honest laugh. I shook my head and went back to the sandwich. "T'ats some bullshit. Gettin' us all worked up t'inkin bout ye rollin in te hay!" I inhaled and let out another laugh. I plated the second grilled cheese and took out two bowls. I filled them with soup.

I turned to hand them the plates, almost feeling bad as Murphy gave me a quizzical look.

"So ye never been ina fight b'fore?" His expression suddenly more serious, Connor was still grinning from my attempt at getting one in on them.

"Nope. I was picked on a lot, but I've never had to really fight someone like y'all have. It's why I went into home schooling. I didn't mesh well in public school." The tone in my voice dropped, but I tried to keep the spark in my eyes. They took the plates with soup bowls balancing on top of them. I grabbed them some spoons and followed them to the couch. I leaned over the back of the couch and plopped the spoons into their bowls for them.

"Aye, wha' bout ye?" Murphy asked. I groaned.

"I'm gonna eat too, Mother." I hissed and walked back to the stove. I made sure everything was turned off and grabbed a small bowl. I ladled some tomato soup into it and made my way to the couch. I assumed the position between them and stared at the red in the white bowl. It looked kind of sinister. My face scrunched up.

"C'mon Amelia." Connor elbowed me. I shot him a mean look and brought it to my lips. The moment the taste hit my mouth I groaned. Oh my god I was hungry. Before I knew it I had swallowed down the whole bowl and got a second. The boys ate in silence, occasionally casting a glance at one another. When I finished my second helping, I set the bowl on the coffee table and laid back. I rested my hand on my belly and groaned.

Murphy chuckled and stood, grabbing my bowl and taking out dishes to the sink to wash them. I felt my jaw slightly drop and I gave Connor a look.

"He washes dishes?" The dark blonde brother nodded and swallowed his last spoonful of soup.

"Aye, an I do laundry lika mot'er fucker." He stood and shot me a wicked gin. "We make a good pair, eh? Lucky ye are, love." The blood rushed to my face as I sank further into the couch. I listened to them mumble back and forth. Murphy washed up the few plates and bowls. For a little while, they made it possible for me to believe I was in a domestic fantasy with two sexy Irishmen. The world was okay and I was just normal and not someone's grieving daughter.

It was almost midnight. I stood in the waiting area of the airport, waiting to see my mother's tall figure somewhere. Her plane landed minuets ago. Connor and Murphy were waiting in the car. I had asked them to lag behind so I could have a moment with my Mom. They had been too happy to oblige. Besides, they couldn't very well carry guns into the airport. They didn't go anywhere without one now. I scratched my neck. I hoped I looked okay. I had worn a nice blue turtle neck sweater with a pair of un torn jeans and my boots. My hair was pulled up into a bun. I know my face was probably pale with nerves. Not because I didn't want to see her, but because I had a feeling I was going to fall apart if she started crying.

Then finally, I seen the tall thin figure of my mother. She looked tired and distraught. Her big dark eyes looking for me. Mom looked beautiful despite her red eyes and nose. She had on a new outfit. A dark brown suite with a cream shirt underneath. Her hair was pulled back neatly and clipped up. I waved, hollering for her. The moment 'Mom' came out of my mouth, she spotted me. Pumps or not, she all but ran to me. She smelled like Sweet Honesty perfume. Dad used to buy that for her, and she'd told me once she never had the heart to give it up.

"Amelia!" She let out, dropping her purse and suitcase. Her arms were so tightly around me. I let out a breath and squeezed her tightly. I felt a remnant of home and tears threatened to spring out of my eyes. "I missed you." Mom choked out. Oh damnit.

"I missed you too. I'm so glad you're here." My voice broke and she squeezed me again. We took a few minuets to just being together again. When she finally pulled away from me, her cheeks were wet and I could tell she was trying to think of the words.

"I'm so sorry. I cried nearly the whole way here." Her words were genuine. Her and Dad had had a good run, but career differences and just falling out of love did them in. They had remained friends though. I know she was taking it hard. I wiped my face and looked around at the few people who lingered, waiting for someone.

"Me too, Mom. But let's get out of here. Murphy and Connor are waiting for us in the car." I picked up her suit case and we started for the escalator.

"They brought you?" I looked over to her and gave her a small smile.

"Yeah, they aren't lettin me outta their sights. Please, don't...do that thing you do where you immediately size people up." I asked in the nicest way I could muster. She huffed and continued to wipe at her face.

"I dunno what you're talking about. I don't do that." She shot me a side glance, trying to seem innocent. I rolled my eyes and stepped off the escalator. We got the doors and pushed our way out. She looked around at all the big lights and sighed. "It's been a long time since I have been here. Still stinks." I had to laugh, trying to get myself together before we got to the boys.

"Yeah, I remember thinkin' that the moment I got here. I don't smell it anymore." I adjusted my grip on the suitcase when I seen the Buick pull up. Seemingly coordinated, the brothers stepped out and gave us big smiles. I smiled back, waving like an idiot. My mother on the other hand seemed to be kind of surprised. She gave me a look, then looked back at them.

"Aye, ye must be Annette." Connor said as he reached her fist. He extended out his hand and my mother took it, then pulled him into a hug. I wasn't totally surprised. We were a family of huggers. I watched them embrace. My mothers head was moving, indicating she was saying something to him. Connor just nodded and hugged her back, just as tightly. "No need fer thanks, Ann. We do it cause we care about yer daughter." I felt my heart swell a little as I put two and two together. They let go of one another and she moved in on Murphy. He didn't get a chance to introduce himself.

"And you're Murphy." Mom said, enveloping him and telling him the same thing told Connor. Murphy looked at us as he hugged her back. I mouthed 'I'm sorry'. He just smiled and let her pull away when she was ready.

"Nice te meet ya, Annette." Murphy assured her then motioned to her luggage. "Lettus get yer stuff, jus' climb in and we'll take off. Sure yer tired."

"Thank ya, boys." Mom said, before climbing into the back seat. I handed the suit case to Connor and followed her into the car. I decided to sit in the back with her, needing to be close to her. Before they got in, she looked at me. Her face was suddenly very animated. "I'll admit, when ya said they were handsome I was thinkin' you meant like...I dunno...cutesy." She shook her head and grinned. "But damn if they aren't two of the most gorgeous Irishmen I have ever seen." Mom gave me a grin and wrapped her arm around my shoulders, pulling me in.

"Yeah, they are a bit easy on the eyes." I added quietly, seeing them grabbing the doors to come in. "Now shush!" I teased. The drive home took a bit, but it went well. Mom avoided mentioning Dad. She just asked Connor and Murphy the usual questions. How they have been, what they did for a living, what they knew about her...yada yada. It felt really nice just to have her here with me and them. Mom seemed to enjoy talking to them. I'm sure their looks had a lot to do with it, too.

Connor and Murphy carried her stuff up the stairs and to the apartment. I unlocked it and let us in. Connor flipped the lights on and Mom took a long look around. I seen the many emotions cross her face, but she pushed it down. I gave her a smile. I took her on the grand tour, she'd make comments here and there like "only your father" or "Really, Carrin?" I couldn't help but agreeing with her and adding my own comments. After a while, we all sat down in the living room. Mom had started half a pot of coffee, long since changed into her pajamas. Connor and Murphy were nursing beers.

"So, what's the plans for tomorrow?" By the tone in her voice, I knew what she meant. I gently chewed my bottom lip, minding the sore places. Connor and Murphy gave me an encouraging look as I seemed to naturally gravitate closer to them. They were my strength. My mother's eyes watched me as I wedged myself between them at the counter.

"Well, I have to get up at 7 so I can get to the police station. Gotta go and sign a few papers. Then I'll be back here and get you up to get ready to head to McFarlans Funeral Home." I licked my lips and eye'd Dad's coffee cup. Mom hadn't touched it or the rosary. "Just gotta get the service planned out and all that. Then I got to go the church and ask if there's a priest who can do Dad's service." Deep down I felt sick to my stomach. I didn't want to do this until I was married and had kids to miss their grandparents. My heart silently broke again in my chest.

"Father Sibeal will do it. He and yer Da has talked many a times." Murphy said softly. "He'll be t'ere tomorrow doin' confession. Sure he'd be honored." I turned my head and gave him a small nod. Connor made a noise that sounded like agreement. I had noticed the boys were staying close to me, but they weren't reaching for my hands or touching me like they normally did. Even in passing, most times they would brush the backs of their hands against mine. I understood though, didn't want Mom getting the wrong idea. And Mom was being quiet. Just looking at us. With a sip of her coffee, she pinched the bridge of her nose.

"You seem to have this all figured out, honey." Her voice was even. I could tell she was struggling with words.

"Go ahead and say it Mom, I know you're holdin' somethin' back." I braced myself. She pursed her lips, inhaling then let out the breath slowly. Her eyes watered and she set down her coffee cup.

"You're gone for two months and you seem like a different person. I mean, I see my little girl but you're different. You are making decisions that I could hardly handle at 30 when my Mom died, you aren't a mess." She paused and grabbed a paper towel, wiping her eyes and covering her face. "I have always had faith in you, but I am just scared maybe I did the wrong thing letting you come here. You're 18 and you're burying your father in a few days. You have to do paper work and arrangements..." She said more but it all became a big sobbing mess between crying and sniffling. I left the boys and walked around to hold her, letting her cry into my hair. I did want to cry. I would cry. Deep down I am a mess. But right now I had to keep my shit together.

"It's okay Mom." I said, rubbing her back letting her get it all out of her system. The brothers gave us some space and went to the couch to sit. I averted my attention back to Mom and she pulled away. She got a clean paper towel and dried the rest up. I gave her a second to catch her breath. Mom looked at the back of the boy's heads and gave me a small smile.

"It's not normal, the way y'all interact. They watch you as if any second you're goin' to dissapear into thin air. That's scary for me to see." She knew they could hear her, but she pushed on. "But, I am grateful you have them. Really I am. I had no idea you'd get here and meet...people...who you'd care for so much. And Carrin...baby I am so sorry." Her voice broke again and she covered her face. I wanted to cry, even for her. But I can't, not yet. I swallowed the lump in my throat, getting a sip of her hot coffee to ease the soreness.

"I know Mom, I am too. I miss him." I whispered. My hand found hers and the apartment fell quiet. I don't think even Connor and Murphy moved. "Dad would want us strong. That's how we can honor him, keepin' our shit together." I tried to make her smile. It kind of worked, she nodded and gave me a half smile. Connor decided to join in then.

"Aye! Carrin would want ye drunk an' doin' a jig, makin a fool of yerselves." He hopped up off the couch and tossed his empty beer bottle in the bin. Mom snorted and sighed.

"Yes he would." I could almost see the memories flashing behind her eyes as she laughed genuinely, shaking her head. "That man could drink, too."

Connor engaged Mom in a story about the first time he'd played cards with Dad. I looked at the clock, I would have to be up before long. A yawn escaped me and I began taking mom's stuff into my room. Murphy hopped up and picked up the biggest of the suitcases. As we set everything down against the wall below the window, Murphy took the opportunity to hug me. I breathed in the signature Murphy smell.

"Ye alrigh'?" He pulled away just enough to look me in the eyes.

"I will be. It's better now that Mom's here. Just wanna get the next couple of days over with. Gotta be at the station to talk to Smecker. He'd said Dad had arrangements in case this happened. Hopefully it'll help me with decisions." Murphy gave me one last squeeze before we headed back to the living area. Mom stopped talking and Connor looked grateful to see us. I just rolled my eyes.

"So, what are the sleepin' arrangements?" Mom asked, setting her cup in the sink and looking at the clock. Oh shit! I hadn't thought about this, yet. Last night I just passed out on the couch with the boys.

"You can have my bed." I choked out. I seen Connor move behind mom, giving me a 'oh shit' look. To see the look on his face, I had to grin.

"Where you gonna sleep? In the floor?" Mom's voice was dead panned, as she eyed the boys suspiciously. Then one of my Irish heroes swooped in to save the day, yet again.

"We'll crash 'n Carrin's room." Murphy blurted out. I let out the breath I was holding. Mom gave me one last look before shaking her head.

"Alrigh', well kids I am goin' to bed. No funny business."

My mouth fell open, giving her the most dramatic incredulous look that I could. She kissed my forehead as she passed me, going straight into my room.

It was quiet until she closed the door. I turned to look at the boys, who seemed to be amused.

"Well den." Murphy mumbled. I didn't even reply, I just grabbed my charger cord out of the kitchen and brought it in the living room. I plugged my phone in, setting my alarm.

"She's a peach, huh?" I joked, trying to get the good mood back. They joined me on the couch for a minuet.

"Yer Ma is sweet, cares about ye. She's just...havin' a hard time seein' ye all grown up." Connor offered up before he grabbed my hand and kissed it. I sighed and rubbed my face.

"Ye want us ta go with ye in the mornin'?" The other brother asked, leaning into my side. I wanted them to be there, but I am sure there is more than one reason for Smecker not making Dad's death a normal crime scene. Especially at McGinty's.

"I want you there, always." My voice always sounded softer when I was talking with my emotions. "But, I need to see Smecker on my own. I have a lot of questions. Could use a chauffeur though. Shouldn't take very long."

"Well, just wake us up when ye get up. We'll get dressed an' take ye." Connor confirmed, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. "Yer gonna be okay, angelo bellezza.(_angel beauty_)" I blushed but then randomly giggled. They both gave me a weird look and I just stuck my tongue out.

"Oh fuck you, you finally said something I could make sense of." I enjoyed my small moment and Connor kissed my head, before standing.

"Aye, ye enjoy yer small victory Amelia." He took a few steps towards my Dad's room. I eyes the dark doorway. I'd never been in there. That's weird, but I never have. I took a deep breath and Murphy got up too, kissing my head.

"Gnigh' love." Murphy said. I gave up a smile and waved them on. When they turned the light on, Connor's head popped back out.

"Aye, ye can always sneak in 'ere wit us." It took a minuet for me to see he was serious. My cheeks started burning and then I heard a loud crack. Connor's face turned red and he began yelling something at Murphy before shutting the door.

When my heart had slowed enough to calmly lie down, I rubbed my face again and closed my eyes. Tomorrow, well technically today, I would arranging Dad's services.

Lord, help me.

****Rascal Flatts - Let It Hurt****


	14. I'm A Mess

**A/N: Hmm. Next chapter will be some sad stuff. Then shit is gon' get real. **  
**If you enjoy this story, PLEASE leave a comment and tell me what your opinions are.**

**:)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing BDS. **

_"Oh, I'm a mess right now_  
_Inside out_  
_Searching for a sweet surrender_  
_But this is not the end_  
_I can't work it out_  
_How going through the motions_  
_Going through us_  
_And, oh, I've known it for the longest time_  
_And all of my hopes_  
_All of my words_  
_Are all over written on the signs_  
_When you're on my road_  
_Walking me home, home, home, home, home"_

Chapter 13 : I'm A Mess

I shut the car door behind me, the folder in my hand feeling like a thousand pounds. Connor sat in the driver's seat, eyeing me. I knew they were both waiting for me to say something, but I couldn't find the words. If I opened my mouth, I would surely fall apart. It had only taken about half an hour to speak with Smecker. He'd spent all night printing off documents and Dad's will. He also had copies of Dad's documents and papers that could have any importance to me. Dad had been fully prepared. How long had he known he was in danger? My chest squeezed and I let out a shaky breath before rolling my window down and motioning for us to leave.

"Ye alrigh'?" Connor asked lowly, turning the key over and starting the car. His eyes were hidden behind his sunglasses. I looked at him and shook my head. He turned his face towards me for a moment before stopping at a stop light. My eyes looked ahead and I gripped the papers to my chest. Murphy was sitting behind me, quiet. Gently, I laid the folder into my lap and covered my face for a moment. Minuets later we pulled into the church parking lot. I needed to get myself together before I went inside. I set the papers on the dash board and clutched the rosary I had put back on this morning as I drank a cup of coffee.

"Want us te stay in 'ere?" Murphy asked, seeming to just want to clarify what he suspected.

"If y'all dont mind."

Connor reached for my hand, I accepted and let his warmth comfort me. He gave me a small smile and brought my knuckles to his lips. My dearest Connor, always so understanding. Murphy, not to be out done got out of the car and opened my door for me. I gave Connor's hand a squeeze and got out. Murphy kept the door open and made sure to envelope me in a hug.

"Father Sibeal isa nice guy, don' worry yerself." He too wore his sunglasses. It was a handsome look the brother's had. Black sunglasses, black coats. I leaned up on my tip toes and kissed his cheek.

"S'not the priest I'm worried about. It's what's in the folder. Gonna have to make a quick trip to Dad's bank after this. Mom can't know." My voice was shaky, but slowly it was evening out. Murphy's eye brows set in a way which told me he was wondering what I talking about. "I'll explain to y'all on the way to the bank. I'll be back." He let me go and I went up the stairs, through the big wooden doors.

* * *

The ride to get back to the apartment was fairly quiet, all of us were thinking. I no longer had the sick feeling in my stomach. My mind wasn't wrapped around what I had found out though, either. Dad had managed his finances very well, so well in fact I was sitting on a big chunk of change. Try 368,000 dollars and some odd cents. The FBI made sure he was well compensated for his efforts. All his final affairs and wishes were in black and white. He'd even written a sealed letter to whomever did his service. He'd made sure my stresses were as minimal as possible. I almost lost it when the teller at the bank went over the finances with me.

Dad had just a few hundred dollars worth of petty debt. I went ahead had that taken care of. The accounts were turned over to me and I put everything in savings except for five thousand dollars to have if needed. I felt a weight lifted off of me, I wouldn't be stuck with a bunch of final expenses to worry about. It would be done and over with. I licked my lips and took in the Boston air. It wasn't even 10:30 yet.

Connor was still in the driver's seat. We still had a few minuets before we got to the apartment, so I reached over into his coat pocket and pulled out his cigarettes. He didn't even bother to shoot me a glance, just asked me to light him one too. I put the filter to my lips and lit it, then reaching it over to him. He let it dangle while he got into another lane. Murphy chose to light one too. We smoked in silence for a moment before Connor spoke.

"I know ye got plans, lass, fer yer Da's service." He checked the review again and picked up where he left off. "But, I was wonderin' if ye'd like to have somethin' at McGinty's afterwards. Kinda honor Carrin the good ol' Irish way. Doc had mentioned somethin' about it, jus' didn' wanna ask." Connor inhaled his smoke and let it out, sending me hidden side glances. Again, he was reminding me why I adored them. They thought about these things. They had cared about my Dad. Hell, if it hadn't been for the respect they had for him I don't think they would have taken to me the way they have.

"Aye, let folks come te drink to his memory. He touched alotta people in his own way, Amelia." I took a deep breath and already knew I wanted to do what they were suggesting.

"Most definitely. Dad would have liked that. McGinty's was a huge part of him. This community was for that matter." I took a drawl off my cigarette and felt the morning sun warming my finger tips resting on the car door. "If y'all could give Doc the go ahead for me while Mom and I are getting Dad's arrangements in order...I'd love y'all forever." I felt a genuine smile form, knowing full well I'd love them regardless. Connor smiled and reached for my hand, kissing it again.

"In t'at case..." He teased and held it firmly. I gave Murphy a look in the mirror to my right. He too was smiling. "Kinda works out, was gonna ask ye if ye minded we go get Rocco. He's been askin' bout ye. We gotta talk about stuff, too."

I shrugged and flicked my cigarette out the window as we pulled into our parking space.

"I don't care, after all the important shit gets done today I need to go get stuff for dinner. Since we got company, figured it might be nice to have a nice sit down family meal." I didn't think nothing of what I said as I got out and shut the door. Murphy wrapped his arm around my shoulders, following Connor to the ground floor door.

"We got company?" Murphy asked, pushing the glasses up onto his head. I felt my cheeks turn red as Connor followed suit with his own glasses. I smiled and cleared my throat, trying to sound confident in what I said next.

"Well yeah, it's not just me anymore...it's us." My face got redder and redder with every word I spoke. They shared a look between them. I couldn't tell what they were thinking, but Connor spoke.

"Us?"

Murphy's arm remained lax on my shoulders, but his brother studied me. Connor's lighter blue eyes narrowed for a minuet. I looked away for just a second, debating on smacking him. Both of these men had a way of making me feel naked under their speculation sometimes. Don't care what anyone says, they have x-ray vision.

"Yes, us. We three." I motioned between all of us. "Thought you'd know this by now, darlin'." Inhale, exhale Amelia. This was never going to get easy for me. Wish I had more experience communicating how I felt towards people, more experience with adult matters. I was close to them but they were still shrouded in layers of mystery. Lot's of things I don't know and will probably never know. But deep down, I am okay with it. Life isn't scripted and it's not always perfect.

The brothers didn't say anything for a second. I wasn't expecting them to, just was hoping they'd accept it. Whatever we were, it was all three of us. I can't choose just one to get close to. I needed them both for their similarities and their differences. They were two sides of the same coin. Connor's eyes softened and he gently pulled me from Murphy. He cradled my face in his hands, tucking a strand of my unruly hair behind my ear.

"Ye haveta be one'a te most confoundin' lasses we 'ave ever met. Told ye b'fore ye were stuck wit us, but ye seem more sure t'is time." He paused and ran his thumbs along my cheeks softly. I felt my stomach turning, violently. My legs felt a bit shaky. Murphy must have noticed because he interlaced one of his hands in mine. My eyes were glued on Connors, feeling as if the world around me was going to shift again. Was I ready for another change? Did I understand myself enough to let Connor's face slowly get closer and closer to mine? My mind didn't have much time to over think it before my eyes closed on their own accord when his soft, warm lips lightly pressed against mine.

The world exploded. It was a slow rumble then I felt myself dissolve. I gripped Murphy's hand tighter, feeling Connor's lips innocently linger before pulling away. My heart was pounding loudly in my ears and I opened my eyes. The look on Connor's face said it all. Sincerity, amusement, and other emotions I couldn't put my finger on. Murphy too seemed to find the situation quite amusing. He tugged me back into him, placing a gentle kiss on my temple.

"Aye, t'ink te girl will keel over with any more excitement Con. Let's get 'er ta her Ma." I just stood there, blushing like a fool. I licked my lips and felt grateful to Murphy for recognizing my awkward moment. Connor winked and swung the door open, his twin gently pushing me forward. Suddenly, I felt self conscience about my jeans and how my butt might be looking. Good God, I was turning into THAT girl now. I exhaled loudly and tried to shake off the nerves as I unlocked the apartment door and let us in.

* * *

Mom and I sat in the waiting room of the funeral parlor. Dad's services had been arranged for Monday. It would nearly be an all day event. We picked out a handsome casket, it was a dark wood with a nice green lining. It wasn't fancy, but it was nice. Just like he had been. The director had told me I might want to opt for closed casket, the mortician would only be able to do so much he'd said...my chest squeezed and if it hadn't been for Mom's support I do think I would have lost it.

Father Sibeal would lead the services, he'd been given the letter from Dad this morning. Mom had asked a few questions about my errands without her, just gave her normal answers. 'It went well.' 'Already took care of it.' 'Dad made sure everything was nearly taken care of.' Thankfully, she didn't press the issues. Knowing my mother, she sensed how my emotions were teetering sense I had gotten home.

Right now we were waiting on the boys to get back with Rocco. Murphy had called me from McGintys to inform me Doc would be getting things ready for Monday night. I had asked him to forward my thanks and tell Doc the service details to pass along the next few nights to the patrons. They should be here soon.

"So, who's the friend again?" Mom asked, pushing her curled and hair sprayed mane out of her face. She wore a nice suit, looked ready for serious business. I on the other hand, kept my jeans and hoody from earlier today.

"Rocco, he's a funny guy." I answered. Mom's eyes were rimmed and red, she'd cried when we'd given the director of specific things that needed done by my father's wish. All I'd had to do was just hand him some papers, and that had cleared up a lot of things and solved most of our problems. We found out his burial plot was already paid for and most of the other expenses. I only ended up paying 1,600 some dollars for little things. Mom wanted to ask about the money, I just chalked it up to 'emergency money from Dad.'

"Hope he's actually funny, need a good laugh." Mom paused and I grinned.

"He's alright. Really close with the boys." Yeah, close enough kill people with them. I wanted to smack myself in the forehead. Here we are sitting in a funeral home and I am thinking about Murphy and Connor killing people.

"I think they are here, c'mon." Mom announced. We stood and I made sure to clutch the folder closely to my chest. She opened the intricately designed stain glass door and sure enough, there was the Buick. I seen Rocco sitting in the back seat with Murphy. We walked up and Mom took the front seat with Connor. I slid in next to Rocco. The scruffy man gave me a smile and fiddled with his hands.

"Hey Rocco." I said softly, mentally pushing back all the sad stuff. The man nodded and gave me a one armed hug, choosing the closeness to whisper to me.

"Hey kid, sorry about you Pop. Drank with him a few times. Good man. Was a bastard at cards though, spoke a lot about you sometimes." I smiled and gently pulled away, patting his hand.

"Thank you Roc. Oh! Shit, Rocco this is my mom..Annette. Mom, this is the funny guy." I introduced them casually.

On the way home we all chatted back and forth. They talked about the weather, Mom's career and we tried deciding what we wanted for dinner. It eventually was decided we all wanted something hearty to feel fat off of. I knew just what I wanted to make, was going to take these city boys to the country.

After we had time to sip on some coffee, Murphy volunteered to take me to the store. I of course didn't mind, but since Connor kissed me earlier I looked to him. The dark blonde twin must have seen the question in my face. He smiled tenderly and nodded. 'We'll talk later' he mouthed. I rewarded him a smile and kissed Mom on the cheek, quickly excusing myself with Murphy.

When we arrived at the small grocery store, he grabbed my hand. I felt my stomach flip and enjoyed the PDA. I'd never held a guy's hand in public until I'd met them. Though it was practically second nature by now, it didn't fail to bring out the girl in me. We walked around and I grabbed what I needed for dinner, encouraging the Irishman to pick out some snack food for him and his brother. Found out he didn't have to be told twice.

"So, seemed ta be pretty shook up earlier..." Murphy said to me casually as I eyed the cuts of meat. I grinned and shrugged, picking up a big beef roast. I knew exactly what he meant.

"Well, I hadn't been expectin' it if that's what your askin' me." I replied, humor coloring my voice. Murphy hugged his coat closer, grabbing a package of chicken breasts. I didn't question him as he placed them in the shopping cart.

"Too weird fer ya?" I didn't look at him, just continued looking at the cuts of meat and the prices. I picked up a package of steaks, tossing them in too. Mental note, make sure to get mushrooms.

"Honestly?" I asked him, looking up at him. Murphy stopped looking to look at me, serious. "I've never been kissed before. Not in a more than friends kinda way. I mean, that's what it was right? More than friends?" My insecurities got the best of me. Murphy's eye brows rose high and he chuckled.

"Aye, he t'inks yer somethin' special. I do, too." For once, he seemed pretty comfortable in verbalizing something like this. Yeah he was honest by nature, but, he was different than Connor in a lot of ways. Murphy had a charming side that made me see double but he was more subtle, sometimes. Never the same. "We've talked 'tween me an him. We both like ye. Wait, I've kissed ye 'fore!"

The only thing I could do was just breath. When had Murphy kissed me? I would remember that! My face must have given it away because he sighed. I bit my lip and thought hard. Oh yeah! I snapped my finger and giggled. It felt so good to be happy.

"You kissed more of my cheek than my lips, Murph." I teased, but it was true. That had been in the bathroom at McGinty's. I grabbed the shopping cart and pushed it forward slowly, waiting for his rebuttal.

"But it was close te yer mouth, tha's gotta count!" His voice was raised a little, and I shook my head.

"Nope. Connor sealed the deal for first kiss." I couldn't hide the smile off my face as we walked side by side, scanning for things we needed/wanted. I was teasing, but I really felt like a live wire. How could I not? Murphy seemed to brood, always in competition with one another. Sometimes it was frustrating, but sometimes I could use it to my advantage. I grabbed some chips and swung towards the fresh produce. Murphy split up from me for a few as he went to fetch 'the necessities'. AKA, beer. I loaded in the mushrooms and other things for later dinners the next few days.

We finally got the the check out, separating his alcohol from my stuff. My total was pricey, but it would be worth it. I just didn't look forward to carrying the bags upstairs. The bags got into my cart and Murphy grabbed his case. By the time we were on the road again, he seemed to have a quietness about him all the sudden. He's probably just thinking, I told myself. Surely he's not genuinely upset. Just in case, I reached over and grabbed his hand. A small grin tugged at his lips.

* * *

After dinner was served and everyone was full, I let out a groan. I watched Connor and Murphy pass Rocco and my Mom a beer. I gave her a grin as she cracked it open and took a drink. It has been a long time since I seen her drink anything. Considering how peaceful it had been with everyone here, I was feeling pretty content for the moment. The company made it easy for me to forget about Monday and the bloody hands in the room. Hands that I would hold through hell.

Rocco walked behind me on the couch and plopped a cold one into my lap. I held it up to him in thanks, twisting the top off and taking a cold drink. My Mom watched me, I just grinned sheepishly. She smiled back, clinking her bottle with mine.

"Seeing you with a beer, knowin' your so much the proper young woman now, makes me wanna tell embarrassing stories about you." She teased. I went pale.

"For the love of the Virgin Mary, Mom you won't." I begged, ignoring the excitement from the three men. Murphy squeezed in behind me, covering my mouth with his hand.

"Anne, if ye would be so kind ta tellus abou' lil Amelia here, we'd be in yer debt." His arms were holding me still and I growled. I narrowed my eyes at my mother as she took a long pull from her beer.

"Well..."

I growled again, and Connor lightly swatted the top of my head.

"Don' be rude, let yer Ma speak." I tried one last time to shake Murphy's hand, swearing I was going to box Connor's ears. Then he gave me that look from earlier, and I shut up. I considered it a kind of double win later. The boys and Rocco got a good laugh, I got to snuggle my back into Murphy while mom played story teller. Connor was never too far away, occasionally reaching for my hand and squeezing it before letting it go.

All and all, today had been good. I looked at them, all deep in conversation. Mom was genuinely smiling and pushing Rocco away as he sat in the floor in front of the couch. He too was laughing, Connor as well. I had a smile on my face, but I had grown quiet. Every few minuets I'd feel Murphy's chest behind me rumble from a good laugh. It would echo through me and sooth a soreness I knew hand't even came into being yet. I wished Dad was here for this. He'd be in his element, telling stories and teasing Mom.

The brother behind me interlaced his hand in mine, and I squeezed. They always knew. This was my happiness. I could be angry right now, deny myself some semblance of domestic happiness...but I wanted to smile and enjoy this. I can't be strong without them. I wasn't feel like the kid in the room now, I was just me. Least, that's how it feels. Murphy let out another laugh, hugging me from behind.

Like this, life was tolerable. I would enjoy this right now, because in two days I would be miserable.

****Ed Sheeran - I'm A Mess****


	15. Break Your Knees

**A/N: Okay, so I cried like a baby writing this chapter. **  
**It's important to know opinions on this one. **  
**Hopefully the emotion carries across. **  
**Just want to kick my own ass right now. Hugs and love. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing BDS. **

_"Breaks your knees and leaves you so_  
_The sun can burn you up and wear you out_  
_It's an angry summer_  
_There's no room to smile_  
_When the face you make just before you cry_  
_Looks so young like a child_  
_The sun will set on this my dear_  
_Your labors aren't in vain_  
_You're blistered and you're burned from it_  
_Your wounds are gonna heal..._  
_Steadfast my love_  
_The end is near_  
_Just keep your eyes ahead_  
_Grab hold of me_  
_I'll help you there_  
_You're never on your own_  
_You're never all alone"_

Chapter 15 : Break Your Knees

My alarm went off, but I was already awake. My hand deftly reached over and flipped my phone open, shutting it off. The sun wasn't even up yet. I could hear my mother moving around in my bedroom, she'd been up most of the night too. I'd laid awake, listening to her muffled cries from behind the shut door. I'd given in a few times and let silent tears escape me. I slowly sat up on the couch, rubbing my eyes and standing. I staggered in my long night shirt and cotton sleeping shorts. I had a dozen pair of these things. I was adjusted to the darkness of the apartment, eyes watering when I turned the light on from under the cabinets.

I pulled the tray out of the coffee maker and grabbed a new filter. Usually I put in two scoops of coffee grounds, but this morning was a three scooper. I slid it back in, grabbing the pot and filling it with water. I poured it in and turned it on. The Bunn made a happy gurgling sound.

It was quiet, except for the dripping of coffee. My eyes rested on Dad's coffee cup.

"Today's the day, Dad. Gonna put you to rest." I mumbled, gingerly touching the coffee mug handle. I touched the rim where the chip was missing. My eyes warming with the first of many tears to be cried today. I felt exhausted, already wishing to be back in bed. I pulled up the collar of my shirt and dried the tears in my eyes. Not yet, Amelia. Been reminding myself a lot these past few days. With a deep breath, I pulled out thee other coffee cups. I grabbed mine out of the dish drainer. I filled them all with coffee, being sure to add sugar and milk to my mothers. I normally liked milk and sugar too, but I needed the bitterness.

I grabbed Mom's cup and gently padded my way to the bedroom door. I rapped, and she croaked for me to come in. She had the bedside lamp on, eyes swollen, staring at the black skirt and jacket on the bed. I handed her the coffee. She couldn't speak yet, neither could I. I just pulled her closer for a kiss on the cheek. She gave me a small nod in understanding. I left her alone, shutting the door and going to pick up the other two cups. Connor and Murphy had turned in early last night, so hopefully coffee will make it easier to get them up.

Their door was cracked, so all I had to do was push it open with my foot. It was darker than the rest of the apartment. I licked my lips, feeling the steam from the coffee curling under my nose.

"Boys?" I called in, not caring my voice sounded rough from the lack of sleep. I cleared my throat and tried again. "Murphy? Connor, time to get up." My voice was softer, and I heard the bed within the darkness shift.

"'Melia?" Connor grunted.

"Yeah, Connor. Time to get up, darlin. Got yall some coffee. Can I come in?" I heard another shift and he suddenly appeared. Dad's room also had a bedside lamp. Connor was shirtless, sitting up in the king size bed. I would have blushed at the sight before, but right now I couldn't think about much of anything. Connor's face was laden with sleep and he squinted at the light. My eyes found Murphy fast asleep, back to his brother. There was at least a foot between them. Murphy's hair was wild and he seemed to be comfortably swaddled in the quilt. Dad had always loved quilts.

"C'mere." Connor called to me. I tip toed around the big bed, avoiding tripping on Connor's boots beside the bed. I handed him his coffee, which he eyed appreciatively. "Thank ya, love." I nodded, holding Murphy's cup. My eyes drifted to the sleeping brother.

"He looks so peaceful." I said quietly. "I hate to wake him up." I expected a smart comment from Connor, maybe even a chuckle. But no, he just sipped his coffee and nodded.

"Aye, ever since we were lit'l shits, Murph's always slept like dis." I gave a small sad smile, staring at the space between them enviously. "Ye alrigh?" Connor asked me.

"No, but I will be eventually." My answer didn't sound harsh, just true. I felt Connor relieve me of Murphy's cup. He also set his own down on the table, yanking the covers back. I seen the contrast of his black boxers against the white of the bed sheets.

"C'mon, lass. We got time fer a cuddle." My chest squeezed and let him gently move me over top of him. I settled into the softness between the warmth of the brothers. I pulled my hair to one side and looked at Connor's face. He looked pensive and sad. That usual spark in his eyes was very controlled and dull. "Let's wake up Murph, shall we?"

I felt Connor's arm wrap around my waist as I rolled towards Murphy. His back was so smooth as I touched it, wrapping my arm around his waist. I felt him shift, probably wondering who in the world was touching him like this. I sighed and brought my lips to his shoulder, placing a gentle kiss.

"Murph?" I asked. I placed another kiss and flattened my hand against his stomach. "I brought you coffee." The dark haired twin's arm moved and I felt his hand find mine, lacing our fingers. He brought our hands to his lips as he kissed my fingers.

"Maidin, mo aingeal beag briste...(Morning, my little broken angel.)" His voice was deep with the last bit of sleep slipping away. I'm not sure what he said, but it sounded sad. I just buried my face into his back as Connor snuggled up to my back. My eyes closed, cherishing the feeling of safety and comfort. Only the Macmanus brothers could hold me close and sooth my internal wounds. My eyes closed and I focused on Murphy's hand in mine, Cannor's arm around me. I could feel their breathing, their heart beats. My life lines.

"How do you say life line in your mother tongue?" I whispered. Connor answered me.

"Líne saol."

I felt my eyes mist over, nodding and drawing a shaky breath. I gripped Murphy tighter, looking back at Connor for a moment.

"Need y'all to be my líne saol today. I don't know how I am goin' to survive it." I exhaled, feeling my body tremble lightly. Murphy grunted and turned over to face me. His stormy eyes were fully aware. He brought his hand up to my face, wiping my tears away.

"We'll do wha'tever ye need of us, Amelia. Yer gon' make it tru today." The sincerity in his voice and eyes made me choke up. I shuddered, feeling them hold me tighter. It almost hurt, Connor's arm was a vice on my rib cage. I didn't care. I sucked in a breath, trying to calm myself. Still not the right time yet. But as I held my eyes closed, trying to force myself to settle, warmth touched my lips.

I whimpered and brought the face closer to mine. I felt Murphy's long hair, soft and thick. I held him to me, drawing whatever strength I found there. When he pulled away from me, I opened my eyes and seen my tears on his face. My Murphy, beautiful and willing to soak my pain in.

"C'mon love. We needta get ready an' drink our coffee. We'll be righ' out." Connor said gently from behind me. I touched Murphy's face before sitting up to crawl over his brother. Connor stopped me before I walked away from the bed. He grabbed my wrist and gently tugged me down to be eye level. His eyes were swirling with something behind them. I leaned down to place a kiss on his lips. His hand gripped mine, running his warm thumb over my palm.

When his hand dropped, I stood back up straight and walked away from my líne saol.

* * *

The sanctuary was quiet. On my left, was Murphy, grasping my hand tightly. My mother was on the right, also holding my hand. Connor sat on her other side, arm around her shoulder. She was looking straight head and occasionally nodding through the tears. The only noise to be heard was Father Sibeal's voice. He'd went about the traditional Catholic service, only having to tweak a few things to abide my father's requests. It had been beautiful so far, leaving me speechless and in tears.

Ahead of us was the beautiful casket we had picked out. The polished wood shining in the morning sunlight. The spray of flowers atop was mostly flowers and ferns native to Ireland. I'd made the order through the funeral parlor, paying a pretty penny for them. It had been worth it. His picture was framed and sitting in the middle. It was a good picture. He was smiling widely, blue eyes bright with life. Kind. Just how I remembered him. To my surprise, half of South Boston seemed to show up. Some faces were familiar from McGinty's. Shannon and his son Michael showed up. When I'd spotted them, I had given them a grateful smile. Doc was sat behind up, occasionally sniffling and reaching forward to gently squeeze my shoulder.

"And so, by request of Carrin, I will close with an inscription he thought would be beneficial to his most precious accomplishment. His daughter, Amelia Leanna." This caught me off guard. I gripped Murphy's hand tightly, feeling my chest tighten and a breath strangle in my throat. My mom too seemed as if she was going to keel over. Father Sibeal's kind eyes found me. He took a deep breath and

"Death is nothing at all. It does not count. I have only slipped away into the next room. Everything remains as it was. The old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. Put no sorrow in your tone. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without effort. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. There is unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner. All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before. How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting, when we meet again."

My eyesight blurred and I bowed my head, sobbing. Murphy pulled me into his chest and I didn't care that my tears were soaking the black coat. His hand rested on the back of my head, as he placed kiss after kiss to my hair. My mother was sobbing too, Connor rubbing her shoulders. Father Sibeal was quiet for a long minuet, before he spoke again.

"Let us pray."

I closed my eyes, releasing my Mother's hand to grip the rosary around my neck. Give me strength. It was the only thing which came to me. I needed strength, I needed clarity and peace. I needed to pick myself and be strong for my loved ones. For myself. I shivered, the waves of sorrow washing over me. After a minuet of trying to ride them out, I let go of my rosary and gripped onto Murphy's coat. I was drifting out, so I anchored myself to the man. A minuet or so passed before Father Sibeal closed.

"Amen."

The people gathered, stood and I sat still. My mother leaned over and moved around Murphy to kiss the crown of my head. She excused herself. I didn't mind, she's never been one for public displays of emotion. I wasn't either, but I was safe. Murphy had me.

"Amelia?" I heard Connor's voice call to me. I sniffled and slowly sat up, feeling the moisture all over my face. The dark blonde twin gave me a sad smile, reaching for me. He'd been tied up with my mother. He wanted me close. I slipped away from Murphy and let him wrap me in his arms. "Was beautiful t'ings Father Sibeal said, eh?" He asked. I just gently shook and tried to regained my composure.

"Aye, t'ink Carrin woulda been happy wit it." Murphy added, reaching out to rub my bare back. His hands were so warm. This morning, I had decided to wear the black dress I had worn to dinner with Dad on my birthday. He'd thought I'd looked so beautiful in it. So I wore it for him. I didn't bother with make up, knowing I'd cry it all off. The boys had loved the dress too. Murphy even made the comment about wishing it were under different circumstances. That's my boys, trying to compliment me and lightly flirt int he most inopportune times. But that seemed far away.

Once I was in control of myself, they helped me stand. I hugged Father Sibeal, along with countless others as they gave their best wishes and condolences. To be honest, I don't remember most of it. I just wanted to go home.

* * *

When we did get home after Dad's burial, I felt so worn out. My throat was sore, my eyes were sore. Mom was in the same boat. Luckily, the boys had indeed kept to their promise and were there for every step I took. When I would start to shake, a hand would steady me. We got plenty of looks, but I didn't care. Even Mom had made a point to watch us when she thought I wasn't looking. I didn't have shits left to give today. Rocco had showed up for the burial, profusely apologizing for missing the service at the church. Said he'd been 'working'. I knew that meant he had been playing delivery boy for his bosses. I had responded with calm words, telling him he was there now and that's all that mattered. Even he stuck close by.

Occasionally Connor or Murphy would drift to Mom, showing her support with hugs and whispered kind words. I could tell she genuinely liked them. That made me happy. It also made me very sad. I had lost my father, but Mom had lost the father of her child and her best friend. On a scale I am sure that broke even. I couldn't imagine losing the boys and then...Nope. Can't fathom it. I shivered, leaning into the dark haired Irishman next to me.

"Wha's wrong, álainn? (_beautiful)_" Murphy said only loud enough for me to hear. Mom and Connor were in the kitchen making something for dinner. Rocco had come home with us too, suggesting he could help out with the mood. So he stood against the counter, making Mom grin and giggle against her will. I was happy, she needed it. But I brought my mind back to Murphy and shrugged. I blame my exhaustion and emotional state on what came out of my mouth.

"I'm just terrified of losin' you and Connor. I wouldn't have made it through this without y'all. My líne saol." I have to admit I sounded a little on the pathetic side, which I hated. I wanted to be strong now. I stared at my hands, almost ashamed of my raw need to always have them. I felt like I was going to almost panic when I couldn't hear them or see them.

"Bes' na worry bout t'at, love. Won' be anyt'ing happenin' to my brother an' me." Murphy reassured me. I'm sure he knew I knew something could very well happen to them. They were in danger, putting themselves right in the middle of a turf war and making it their own. I sighed, feeling my way to his hand. He snared mine, holding it tightly. Connor and Murphy have been more apt to touch me today. Not caring who seen the broken girl in black, constantly surrounded by two handsome angels. The term for them just fit. My beautiful and crass angels.

"M'kay." I mumbled back, wishing Connor was with us on the couch. Felt incomplete without the other brother.

Dinner was done shortly. Mom had made baked steaks with mushroom gravy, mashed potatoes and green beans. Connor was almost giggling, proud of the biscuits he'd made under Mom's instruction. I decided to goad him a bit, needing to feel better...seem better.

"They are delicious, darlin...little crunchy though." I tried to hide the grin on my face, ignoring the dagger's Mom was sending me. Murphy looked away from his brother, smiling like an idiot. Rocco just snorted and Connor seemed shocked.

"Aye, if'n yer Ma weren't here, I'd say some colorful t'ings ta ye." He narrowed his eyes, and I let out a soft chuckle. His face softened, knowing I had only been teasing.

"No Connor, they are perfect. Really." He shrugged and winked at me. Murphy said his thanks for the meal, telling my mother how she must have taught me to cook. Connor got brave I guess after that for a hot minuet.

"Well, mo ghrá beag (my little love), if m'cookin will make ye smile like t'at..." His smile broke the toothy barrier and I couldn't fight the blush which settled over me. Murphy had to smile, enjoying the lighter atmosphere. My mother, cleared her throat and gave the boys a look.

"Cad péire atá tú.(_What a pair you are._)" Connor and Murphy's eye's widened, along with mine. Mom always told me she'd lost most of the Irish Dad had taught her. I didn't even know what they were saying half the time! Here they were saying things here and there, thinking it would be a secret. Then, I just laughed out loud. After all the heartache and worry the past month has given me, I laughed. It felt good. I lifted the napkin to my face and shut my eyes for a second, re capping the look on the boys' faces.

Connor looked to me, mouth opening before shutting, then opening again.

"Ye knew yer Ma could speak te Irish?" He looked a little betrayed, humor starting to pop into his eyes. I inhaled and looked to my mom, pointing my finger.

"You told me you forgot most of it?"

Mom just grinned and shrugged, taking a drink of her water.

"Aye, but sometime's a girl has to keep some secrets. Thought I'd need it one day, but you never picked it up from your father. I am glad I did now though." She gave both the boys a look. "An bhfuil tú faoi chúram uirthi? (_Do you care about her?)_" Murphy wiped his mouth and nodded, nodding towards his brother.

"Níos mó ná an méid a ba chóir dúinn, Annette. (_More than what we should_)" I was lost. Oh great, now it's not just the boys but Mom too. Seeing the seriousness on their faces made me nervous. I gave a look to Rocco who threw his hands up.

"I'm used to this shit. It's all they do, all the fuckin' time." He gave me a half smile and went back to his beer. I groaned.

"Grá aici? (_Love her?_)" Mom said. I decided to stand up and start collecting empty plates. Connor cleared his throat and took a drink of his beer, casting me a long look. I caught his eye and gave him a small smile. "An dá de tú? (_Both of you?_)" She added quickly.

"Ag obair ar sé nach bhfuil, a tharlóidh thar oíche.(_Working on it, doesn't happen over night.)_" Murphy replied. As I took the plates to the sink, I watched them. Mom was boring into them both. I figured it was bound to happen eventually. There was silence for a stiff minuet of two. The boys weren't shirking away though, they seemed resolved and steady under her gaze.

"Dea. Is breá léi tú, is féidir liom é a fheiceáil.(_Good. She loves you, I can see it._)" All three sets of eyes looked at me and I felt myself blush.

"Alrigh' now, damnit. It's very rude what y'all are doin!" I groaned, making a face before checking the clock. Another hour and we'd be going to McGinty's. I needed a drink, or two, or three. Mom finally broke, smiling and getting up. I dunno what they said, but I'd get it out of one of them later.

* * *

We all walked to McGinty's together, changed and ready for drinks. Murphy was on one arm, Connor on the other. Rocco had his arm around Mom's shoulder, saying something I couldn't hear. Was he flirting with my mother? I'll kill him. But, couldn't deny the smile on her face. It was a stark contrast to the tears she'd been crying all day. i momentarily wondered if that's how she felt about the boys. I held onto them tighter. My handsome boys.

The sound of the familiar pub was heard from a block away as we approached. My heart ached. When we went in, the whole place went quiet. There was barely any room to stand. I'm sure this violated many fire safety codes. I scanned the faces who looked to me, to us. I heard my Mom's breath hitch. They were all here for my Dad. I gave a smile, and heard the loud rumbling of Shannon behind the bar with Doc.

"Aye! T'ere she is, sweet lil' Amelia!" He called, raising a shot glass. I felt my gut twist as many hands joined his in the air, saluting me and then downing the whiskey. My eyes became moist and the boys leaned down and kissed opposite cheeks.

"Tis isn't a time te weep, dear girl, but te celebrate. Don' cry, álainn." Connor muttered to me, before they pulled me into the crowd. Doc greeted me with kisses and hugs, pretty lit already. His face was cherry red, and he seemed happier. He took my coat, leaving me in my jeans and a black muscle shirt. The boys handed their coats over too, taking Moms aswell. Rocco kept his on, motioning for shots. The crowd cleared us some room and I got a chance to see what they were showing me. The booth me and Dad favored, was decorated with candles and a picture of him. Flowers were laid in beer bottle vases, shot glasses full of Jameson. An offering to a memory who would never leave this place cold. My heart dropped, fighting the tears.

It was Mom bumping my arm, placing a shot in my hand to bring me back to the moment. I felt my hands shaking. Everyone clearly seeing me struggle. Someone from the back spoke up.

"Speech!"

I gasped, covering my mouth. I can't say anything. I was barely breathing. But then I looked to all the men and women who seemed as if they really wanted to hear me say something. I needed to say something, honor my father like he would have done me. So like the woman I knew I was deep down, I cleared my throat and rose the shot glass.

"Many of y'all knew my Dad. He was genuine and passionate." I paused to sniffle and wipe a tear away. "I do not cry for the loss of him, but for how moved I am to see all of y'all showin up to honor him." Keep breathing. "My first time here he told me how this community meant the world to him, how proud he was to be one of you. Proud to be one of the hard working citizens of South Boston." Another breath. I swallowed the lump in my throat seeing the warm faces and the misty eyes of my Mother. Connor and Murphy, glasses raised and looking at me as if they had never been prouder. "I came here not knowing my place in the world, or thinkin' I knew...but I had been wrong. He showed me who I was, filling a huge empty space deep within me. I am Carrin's daughter. I am proud, I am honored...Irish." I blinked the tears out and raised the glass a little higher before tipping it back. Everyone cheered and said kind things, drinking their's down.

Mom came up to me, bringing me into a tight hug, tears flowing down her cheeks.

"I am so proud of you, honey. He was too." Her voice cracked and I nodded, rubbing her back.

"I know. I miss him so much."

****Flyleaf - Break Your Knees****


	16. Unconditionally

**A/N: This is a long one, lol. **  
**I wanted to spend some time to develop the relationship between the boys and Amelia. **  
**Hope y'all are liking it so far...maybe some reviews to let me know? Ehh? :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing BDS. **

_Oh no, did I get too close?  
__Oh, did I almost see what's really on the inside?  
__All your insecurities  
__All the dirty laundry  
__Never made me blink one time_

_Unconditional, unconditionally  
__I will love you unconditionally  
__There is no fear now  
__Let go and just be free  
__I will love you unconditionally_

_Come just as you are to me  
__Don't need apologies  
__Know that you are worthy  
__I'll take your bad days with your good  
__**Walk through the storm I would**  
__I do it all because I love you, I love you_

Chapter 16: Unconditionally

On Wednesday I seen Mom onto her plane. I watched her walk away with a sense of new understanding. I had expected her to burn the world down this morning, but she hadn't. We woke up early, deciding to go have breakfast with just the two of us. I knew we needed to have a serious talk about my immediate future. When we'd found a small table at a diner around the corner a ways, the tension had been palpable. We both had sensed the other's need to make a strong argument. As always, she opened up the floor as she sipped her coffee.

"When are you goin' to come home? I only have a month or so left of my tour, then I'll be home." Her dark brown eyes bored into mine. I took a sip of my coffee, quietly tapping the warm white porcelain. I didn't really know what to say.

"I dunno, Mom." I replied, my eyes averted and I watched the people walking past the windows. She made a unintelligible noise in her throat before setting her cup down. She'd not really cared about her looks this morning. Her dark hair was piled on top of her head, she wore loose jeans and a over sized sweater. Without makeup she looked more her age, but not in a bad way. It was refined and seemed to be beautiful. Her dark eyes seemed to stand out with no makeup to exaggerate them.

"What do you mean, 'I dunno'?" She went a little tense, slipping into the motherly defense mode. "I want you to come back home so I know you're safe." I already knew she wanted me safe, all good parents do. They worry senselessly about their 'babies'.

"I know Mom. I am safe, safe as anyone else anyways. I just...have reasons." I softened my voice. I can't tell her some of those reasons. I was banking on her thinking it was just about the boys. Yeah, that's my driving factor, but it's not the only one.

"Murphy and Connor?" The look in her eyes was sad and knowing. Silence fell between us for a moment, before she picked her cup up again. "Amelia...I know you love them." Her words were sure and my heart sped up. I wanted to say I didn't, but didn't I? Despite their absence there for a bit, they were my universe. Their sly smiles and mischievous eyes, the Irish brogue. Not to even think about the newest development in our relationship...kissing. My cheeks must have turned red because Mom laughed despite herself. "That's what I was afraid of."

"I'm sorry." I said, not knowing what else to say. I didn't want to argue, but I had prepared for this in case she did.

"No need to be sorry, honey. I was in love once. I know how it is, just different because it's both of them." Again, a wave of embarrassment crashed through me. I just took another sip of my coffee, wishing I could explain to her how unplanned it had been. How even I felt like I didn't deserve Murphy and Connor's tender touches and patience. "I just can't imagine what that must be like. I have only ever loved one man as much as you love them both. It's something powerful and life changing, but to love two men? I can't imagine the strength you have...or the patience." I smiled, nodding.

"I wish I could explain Mom. I just can't imagine life without 'em. As cheesy as that is it's totally true. Scary as hell also. But they are different and the same." I sighed and rubbed my eyes. "I do love them." Silence enveloped us for a short while, concentrating on our plates after the waitress brought them. Half way through eating, she cleared her throat.

"I love you, always will. I'm sure they love you too, I just want you to be careful Amelia. Love strengthens us but also blinds us. Don't forget that. You're changing, no longer my little baby girl who wanted nothin' to do with anything but her horse." Mom's eyes darkened and she blinked, stabbing a piece of her pancake. "You're so smart. Keep yourself important, don't let them change you too much. Promise me?"

I seen the uncertainty on her face as she laid the fork down. I didn't smile, just reached for her hand and grabbed it.

"I promise."

And so here I am, still in Boston and nothing was smoking. It was Friday and I was getting ready to go 'clock in' at the pub. Murphy and Connor were ready, sitting on the couch talking about something on the TV. They had all but officially moved in. It was weird but welcomed. Knowing they were close by was comforting and made me feel safe. I needed that. I don't think I could live in the apartment alone after Dad. Thursday I had opened the bag of Dad's personals from the station. It had his wallet, pocket watch, rosary and key ring. Shortly after I sent the boys out to make them copies of the apartment key and the car key.

They hadn't said much, just nodded and seemed to accept what my request meant. They did that a lot. Not saying much, just going with the flow. Thursday night they helped me get through Dad's stuff in his room and box it up. Murphy had a concern that maybe it was too soon to do that, but I assured him it's what I wanted to do. Needed to move forward. The brothers Macmanus respected it. We set all the boxes in the hallway closet. By the time we were finished, the bed was alone with a tall bookshelf, dresser and roll top desk. Some things I left out, but most was packed away.

Late that night they'd left and came back with a few bags of clothes and miscellaneous things. I helped them unpack, it had been eye opening. I really had them. They were here. Yet, there had been no verbal claim over me or them.

"Aye, girl ye ready yet?" Murphy's voice derailing my mental tangent. I rolled my eyes, sliding my jeans up my legs and over my hips. Despite the slow progression of our relationship, I still kept to my bedroom for changing and sleeping. We napped on the couch together, but slept in separate rooms. I grumbled, nearly falling over trying to bounce around and get my socks on.

"Almost, ya know...patience is a virtue stronzo.(asshole)" I heard the answering snickers of Connor, and Murphy telling him to fuck off. I pulled the white muscle shirt over my head and pulled my hair up into a high pony tail. I checked myself in the mirror and shoved the pocket watch into jeans and clipped it onto my belt loop. When I entered the living room, the boys stood and followed me to the door. I grabbed my rosary and keys on the way before letting Connor help me get into my sweater jacket.

"Y'all gonna stick around or y'all gonna...ya know? Do 'Saintly' things?" I was half humored, but the look they shared answered my question. "Ah." I chewed my lip and swung the door open, watching them shuffle out and I locked it behind me.

"Ye mad?" Connor asked. I thought about it for a second before I started down the old wooden stairs.

"I reckon not. Just weird bein' so open about it after everythin' that's happened. I guess y'all got to get back to work though." My boots hit the cracked cement of the side walk. "I can have Shaun walk me home if y'all are gonna be gone still." I looped my arms through mine as we started towards McGinty's.

"Should't be too long, love. Gotta meet Roc at his place, talk abou' some t'ings." Murphy said, looking around the streets as the sun started to set. Connor was doing the same. I scanned the sidewalks and the streets, nothing seemed out of place.

"Aye, but if we're not back by t'en, hav'em bring ye home." Connor paused and lit a cigarette. "Not gon' lie te ye though, we migh' be gone a day or two. 'Pendin what we get into." I felt my heart sputter. I didn't want to have to go to bed without knowing where they were. I guess my body language gave me away like neon lights.

"We'll be back." Murphy spoke up as we got close to our stop. "Promise." I heard the words, and I knew they were sincere. But, they weren't in a place to promise me anything like that. They weren't God. I felt a flash of aggravation as we stood outside the pub, hearing the crowd from outside.

"Don't promise me that. I have faith in you two, but don't promise me that." I said with a frown on my face. Connor's eyebrows furrowed and Murphy looked sheepish. "Just be careful, do what you gotta do and come home. I want those assholes dead jus' as much as you do, if not more...but they ain't worth your lives." When I was done, I leaned up and let them kiss me on both my cheeks. I licked my lips and looked past them, seeing a few random walkers.

"We'll be careful t'en." Connor conceded, trying to make me feel better. I gave them a worried smile, pulling them in again. They smelled like salvation and home wrapped in cigarettes and my laundry detergent. A fierce protective feeling surged through me. I almost wanted to growl at the knowledge there was people who wanted them dead. Instead, I pulled away and looked Connor in the eyes. I wrapped my hand behind his head and kissed him firmly. His arms brought me in close, holding me close to him. Within a few seconds he let me go and I pulled the other brother into me. I kissed Murphy just as firm, wanting to relay the message clearly. I would miss and worry about them. Hurry back.

The shift drug by slowly, even with Doc and Shaun talking to me and trying to get a few smiles out of me. Sure enough when quitting time came, Murphy and Connor were nowhere to be found. Shaun drove me home, telling me about his new-to-him pick up truck. I wasn't complaining, I hated walking home that late.

To my disdain, I didn't see the boys until I got home early Sunday morning. All Saturday night I'd had that itchy feeling in the back of my brain. It had left me nervous and shaky, I'd even dropped a beer glass as I went to fill it from the tap. But as I climbed the steps to the apartment, I'd heard yelling. Quickly I bounded up to the top and felt worried as I realized it was coming from within our apartment. I slid the key in, twisted and pushed it open.

There they were, shirtless and red in the face. Rocco was fully dressed thankfully, but he was pointing at the boys with a gauze wrapped bloody hand. I felt my eyes ready to pop out of my skull, before quickly shutting the door and locking it.

"Fuck you, assholes. I don' wanna hear it. I lost a fucking FINGER! I didn't know!" Rocco yelled, Murphy was limping around the counter, turning the stove on and putting a clothes iron on the flame. Connor was sitting down, holding his arm. I blinked. Shock starting to wear off.

"Fuck ye Roc!" Connor yelled angrily. Then the three of them started yelling at each other at the same time, finally I snapped.

"What the hell happened?" I screamed. They flinched as I threw my coat off, letting it lay on the floor. I took a closer look at the situation in my kitchen. They were all bloody and shaken up. Sweat was on their foreheads, that wild crazy look that I'd never seen before. Imediantly I grabbed the first aids kit from the top of the refrigerator. I slammed it on the counter and yanked my hoody off. Thank god I'd worn a black tee tonight, I had a feeling this was going to get messy.

"Genius ov'r t'ere got us a guy te knock off, well he'd been in te middle of'a boys night. Got us all fucked up." Murphy growled and Connor let out a hiss as he checked his arm.

"Fuck you Murphy! I didn't know that old fucker was gonna show up, I don' even know who the fuck he was!" Rocco retaliated. I shook my head and felt overwhelmed for a moment, before opening the metal case. I don't see them then bam, here they are...all injured and angry as hell.

"Okay, so what's the damage?" I asked loudly, walking to Connor first and pushing his hand from his arm. He had been shot. My stomach clenched and I felt sick. The protective fury in me rose up once more, but I held my words back. I didn't bother with gloves, I just checked the back of his arm. It hadn't passed through. "Fuck!" I growled, looking into his pale face. He was in so much pain, and it was about to get worst. I touched his face, leaving bloody prints there. His face softened as much as he could manage. "Murphy, you shot too?" I asked, looking at him watching the iron on the stove.

"Aye, got me in te lower leg. Roc's finger is gone. Gonna have te' cauterize te wounds." His voice was gravely and Connor visibly flinched. Shit. "We got te dicks we went af'er, but we came out te a devil."

"Nev'r seen any'ting like em, love. One old fucker wit six guns strapped te his chest." Connor mumbled as I began digging around the first aid for tweezers. When I found a pair, I groaned. I needed to dig the bullet out before Murphy laid the iron to him.

"Murph, leave the iron on the stove and come here. I need ya to hold your brother." I shouted, wanting nothing more than to puke at the thought of causing either of them pain. Murphy quickly walked over and grabbed onto Connor's arm. I gave Rocco a look, and he stood behind me, hand on my shoulder.

"Gotta get the bullet out, it's going to hurt like a mother fuck." I said. Murphy gripped his twin tighter and Connor nodded. Without waiting, I wiped the blood away and inserted the tweezers. Connor jerked and Rocco helped hold me still. Tears were in the dark blondes eyes, Murphy gripping him as if it was the last thing he'd ever do. My heart shattering over and over, knowing I wasn't anywhere close to done. Luckily, I felt the bullet and quickly yanked it out. Rocco came in right behind me, pressing the glowing red metal to the wound. It sizzled and I bent over the sink, puking at the smell.

Connor passed out for a few seconds from the pain, but Murphy had him secure. Even limping, he made sure to get his brother on his feet. I rinsed my mouth out and cringed as I seen Rocco stick the iron back on the gas flame. Murphy looked none happier to be next as he tugged up his jeans leg. But the bullet had passed through on him, thankfully. I fought the rise of more bile in my mouth as

"S'okay, álainn." Murphy tried comforting me, and I had to let out a forced laugh. The twisted smile on my face made him smile in turn, fully understanding me.

"You're the one shot and your tellin' me I am goin' to be okay?" My eyes met his and he groaned. Connor was standing behind his brother, also looking at me.

"Sounds familiar comin' from te girl who'd been concussed an was more concerned 'bout te man who punched 'er and te man who'd had stitches in his brow." I rolled my eyes and seen Connor bring one of my dish towels up and over Murphy's head, positioning it over his mouth. I began shaking. I stepped into Murphy's side, interlacing our fingers. His right hand came up behind Connors head, resting there.

"Here we go guys." Rocco stated matter of factly, grabbing the iron. I placed a kiss to Murphys forehead, feeling his hand shaking in mine. My eyes were glued on the iron, red and angry. When it was touched to Murphy's leg, Connor pulled in on the towel. It muffled Murphy's cries. His hand tangled in his brothers hair as pain weaved through him. His hand in mine was squeezing so hard I was scared for a moment it might break. Then he loosened it. Rocco pulled away quickly and did the back. Until the day I die, I will never forget that smell or the sound.

When Murphy was done, they took care of Rocco's lack of a finger. I'd had to light a cigarette. That was shit I wasn't prepared to deal with. My face was probably still green. After an hour had passed and I'd given them the last of what I had for pain medication, we all sat down and they began telling me about the man with six guns. It had sounded like a bad action movie. Rocco had agreed with me. They weren't up to eating, the residual pain keeping them wound up tight. They also decided to take a few days before going directly after Yakavetta himself. It gave me a bad feeling, all of this did anymore. I'd bring it up tomorrow, we were all too tired right now. I didn't have the energy to argue.

I told Rocco to take my bed and crash. He'd wanted to argue with me, but I cut him off with a look and pointing to the bedroom door. "Off to bed with you, Stubby!" He'd prickled up, but the tired smile on his face and the chuckles from the boys reassured me he wasn't really mad. I followed Roc into the bedroom and turned the bed down for him. I fished out a pair of old sweats from Dad's stuff and gave them to him to sleep in. When the shaggy man was squared away, I went back to my handsome boys. The two of them were half asleep on the couch. I felt my heart strings pull.

"C'mon." I called softly to them. Their blue eyes found me outside their bedroom door. They shared a look, before standing and limping over.

"Ye shouldn' be sleepin' on yer own couch, Melia." Connor sighed, looking torn with the situation. I touched his face and gave him a gentle push to get him in the bedroom. Murphy made a sound of agreement. I yawned and shrugged.

"Who said I was?" I didn't meet their eyes, I just started arranging the pillows and turning the covers down. I heard them behind me unbuckling their belts and their jeans hitting the hardwood floor. My stomach tightened. I had missed them, I was aggravated with them, I was worried for them. But I would confront all of this when I got up. I had worked all night then came home to play triage nurse. A girl can only do so much. I sighed and stepped away towards the window, the sun had started to come up.

Connor shuffled towards the bed, paler than usual and babying his arm. I let my eyes rake over him, making sure the one wound was it. His face contorted as his knees hit the bed, Murphy steadied him as he helped his brother get comfortable. They were amazing. The fought together, supported one another and loved together. Not to mention their own squabbles, but these days they weren't too frequent. Once the dark blonde was situated, they looked to me.

"Comin'?" Connor mumbled. I nodded and then felt my cheeks turning red. I didn't have my pajamas in here and I wasn't about to wake Rocco up. So, I swallowed my shyness and unfastened my jeans. My black tee I could comfortably sleep in, jeans not so much. I turned my eyes down to the floor while I paused undressing to take my hair down. I felt their eyes on me, watching me without a care in the world. It made my stomach even tighter and my face flame. I just didn't have the want to ask them to look away.

When my thumbs hooked into the open fly and I pushed them down, I was happy I'd worn my boy shorts undies. I wasn't much for thongs or traditional panties. These seemed a better fit for me. I stepped out of the denim around my ankles and took a step towards the bed. Murphy's cheeks were a little pink, and Connor's eyes just watched my every move. I sat down on the edge of the bed, carefully sliding in. I was only so brave right now, not about to hold my ass up in the air.

Connor's good side was to me, so he reached for me. I let his warm hand touch my face. He gave me a small smile and pulled me down to kiss my forehead. The mattress shifted and I felt Murphy slide in behind me. I gave another smile to Connor before leaning down to kiss his lips. A flame licked it's way into my heart. I was so grateful they were okay. My thoughts distracted me, because when I felt Connor's good arm pull me into him and then the tip of his tongue coax my bottom lip...I went rigid.

"Easy, Con." Murphy whispered. My heart was pounding as he eased up and pulled away. I knew I must look like a deer in the head lights.

"Did I do somet'ing wrong, love?" Connor's beautiful blue eyes were swirling with the reflections of the morning light streaming in through curtains. I took a shaky breath and shook my head. Embarrassment flooded through me. Murphy's hand rested on my hip, finger tips burning into my skin. They've never touched the skin there without material acting as a buffer. The physical realities of our relation was starting to crash down on me.

"Just never, ya know...kissed that way before." I whispered, knowing the both would hear me. When I did dare to look at them again, their faces were in shock.

"Never?" Murphy asked, not believing me. I shook my head.

"Thought y'all knew that I've never, ya know, had someone in my life before. Never had a boyfriend. I mean, I don't know what we are..." My body was shaking and Connors warm hand on my cheek shut me up.

"Aye, no need ta explain. Loss fer o'ter lads, good fer us." His smile was sweet and reassured me. Murphy hadn't pulled his hand that rubbed small circles on my hip. "Well, in t'at case, I t'ink me brother should do te honors. Since I got te first kiss." Connor swiftly kissed me again, before nudging me to Murphy. I licked my lips, rolling over onto my back. Murphy and Connor shared a look. I remained quiet, amazed at how so many things seemed to pass between them in these looks they shared. When Murphy shifted, he carefully moved his bad leg over my right one. His dark blue eyes seemed calm and I felt my stomach flutter. Both brothers were beautiful in their own way, but Murphy made me feel small. His broad shoulders and lean body was always thrumming with power and grace.

"Ye okay?" He asked, breath dusting over my face as he lowered his torso onto my side. I swallowed and nodded. Connor's good hand found my left hand, squeezing it. Murphy leaned down and kissed my forehead, before trailing his lips to my nose. "Tiarna ar neamh, saor sinn.(_Lord in heaven, save us._)" Murphy whispered, right before his lips settled on mine. A warm hand went into my hair, while Murphy's other hand held my other hip. Connor remained quiet, helping me stay sane while his hand gripped mine. After a second, I felt Murphy's mouth move against mine. My heart rate shot up. I felt his moist tongue taste my lower lip. It felt like heaven, being in this moment. Safe and secure with the men I loved being so gentle.

I angled my head, allowing him entrance. I whimpered tasting traces of the cigarette he'd had a little while ago. Murphy smiled against me, holding me with more pressure. His lips were more demanding, tongue rubbing against mine in ways that broke my skin out in shivers. I was on fire. I couldn't think hardly. These Irishmen were forging me out of lava. I barely heard Connor speak, before Murphy gently pulled away. I wanted to protest, missing the contact. But I was pulled in by a strong muscular arm. Connor's blue eyes were sparking as he studied my flushed face. I knew my lips were swollen as his eyes settled there.

"My turn, mo ghrá.(_my love_)" I drew a shaky breath, nodding. I leaned down, letting him massage his lips with mine. When I opened my mouth for him, he didn't hesitate to delve in. My toes curled as my eyes fluttered shut. I gripped the back of his head to make it easier for me to keep balance. The back of my shirt was sliding up as Murphy's hands rubbed my lower back, reminding me he was here too. Connor made a groaning noise which sent a tremor through me. I guess this was the sign to pull away, because he sighed and slowly let me go. I opened my eyes. He too looked flushed, eyes heavy. Both of their eyes were dark and their breaths were heavier than usual.

"Time fer sleep, little Amelia." Murphy spoke slightly strangled, quick to arrange me between them more comfortably. I turned to face Connor, my head in the crook of his arm. His hand buried itself in my wild hair dark hair. Murphy lined himself up behind me and wrapped his right arm around my middle. I was in a Macmanus sandwich and it was heaven. I felt my nerves slowly start to relax from the kissing. But I needed to know something, well, hear them say it.

"So, does this mean y'all are my boyfriends?" Despite the internal nervousness I felt, I sounded serious. There was a second of silence before they both began to laugh. I grinned and let out a deep breath. Murphy spoke first.

"If ye'll have us, sweet girl." I just rolled my eyes and butt bumped Murphy and flicked Connor's nipple playfully.

"Well, I reckon. Don't have much of a choice." I giggled and slowly everyone got quiet. Before too long, we were asleep.

* * *

By the time I woke up, it was late evening. The sun was hanging low and I heard the soft snoozing of the brothers. Connor had shifted in his sleep and buried his face into my hair, bad arm wrapped around my ribs. I closed my eyes for a moment, running my finger tips over his forearm. His color looked better then when we'd gotten in bed. Murphy's head was on my stomach, right arm trapping my bent leg. The closeness of them and Murphy's hand resting on my left thigh my mind clear up immediately. I was almost afraid to move. The world seemed perfect until I heard a muffled swear word come from the kitchen. I sighed. Damnit.

Gently I touched Connors cheek, feeling the stubble on his face. I wasn't used to seeing them with anything more than the goatee's they kept. It made the knot in my stomach quiver. It was just another reminder they weren't boys but men. Passionate and devout. Strong. Killers even. Deep within the recesses of my soul it was kind of a turn on. Despite the affection I received and the gentle hands they touched me with, they were killers. It takes a certain darkness to kill. I shivered.

"Connor." I whispered softly, kissing his adam's apple. He made a small sound, I smiled. "Darlin.." I added, placing a kiss to his jaw line. I watched as the corner of his mouth curled up and his eye brows rose.

"Hmm?" His hand twitched on my side as I moved my face away from his to get a better look at him.

"I need to get up. I think Rocco is destroyin' the kitchen." I tried to sound serious and slightly annoyed, but Connor's sleepy chuckle melted me. After a second he managed to lift his head up and look around. He seen Murphy's position and sighed, dropping his head back down.

"Please stay'n bed." Connor whined in a manly way. I rolled my eyes and kissed him quickly.

"Can't, Rocco breaks somethin' I'll cut his other fingers off." This earned me a toothy smile from the dark blonde. Carefully, he disentangled himself from me.

"Can ye make some coffee?" He asked me as I started stroking the top of Murphy's head. Unlike his brother, Murphy seemed to go unphased.

"Yeah, I'll put it on and then hop in the shower. Is he really this heavy of a sleeper?" Connor nodded and rubbed his face.

"Aye." I felt my heart swell with the boyish look on Murphy's face, deep in sleep. Carefully, I lifted his head and arm with Connor's help. We got Murphy settled on a pillow and I kissed his cheek, lingering there enjoying the feel of his stubble too. I eased down to the foot of the bed and stood. I was fully aware of Connor's eyes on me as I grabbed up my jeans. I met his eyes as I stepped into them. The unspoken tension and change was visible between us. We were together. Connor and Murphy were mine, I was their's. And it felt right. I gave a small smile and slid them up, zipping up and buttoning.

"Yer too good fer us, Amelia." I scrunched my face up and tried to tame my hair with my fingers and stretch. I wasn't too good for them, they were everything I didn't know I'd ever want. Always imagined myself not finding someone until I was older, after forcing myself through college at some point. But here I was. They were the silver lining to my misery over the terrible place we were at. I felt my face set into serious mode.

"No, you're exactly what I never knew I needed. You and Murphy make up for all the things I don't know or can't do. You're my líne saol, remember?" The look on Connor's face was thoughtful and touched. His head was against the white fluffy pillow. His eyes looked down at his hands picking at the quilt.

"I feel t'at too." I made a happy sound and cast a look over Murphy. "Let him sleep, coffee will be done here in a few." I blew him a kiss and walked out, shutting the door behind me. Sure enough, there was Rocco trying to put clean bandages on his hand. I wrinkled my nose as I came around the counter. He looked up at me a forced a smile.

"Fuckin' thing is throbbin man. Think we're outta pain killers." He grumbled and I took over helping him to wrap his stump up. It was quiet for a minuet, by the look on his face I could tell he had something to say.

"Rocco?" I asked, stopping to look at him. "Say it." The older man turned a little red and looked past me to the bedroom.

"So, you and both of em huh?" I nodded, shrugging. "Oh, don't get me wrong...nothin' wrong with it. I don't think so. Doesn't surprise me. They are both crazy about ya. I was wonderin' how that was goin' to work out." I giggled and finished up with his hand. I walked away and started up the coffee pot, placing a pat to the rim of Dad's cup. I'd set his rosary beside mine on the counter.

"Well, I can't see it without the both of em. Connor and Murphy are like opposite sides of the same coin. Can't love one without the other."

"So you love em?" Rocco's question stayed my hand momentarily, before I finished filling the pot with water. I just bit my lip and nodded, happy to see Rocco smile. "I'm glad. You're a good girl." His compliment meant a lot to me knowing he was their best friend.

I poured the water in and motioned to the pot. "Connor will be up in a minuet. Gonna go get ready to run out to get some pain killers." Rocco scratched his head and I just noticed he was in the sweats. They were a bit tight, I laughed. "Besides, you're part of the deal too. Love you like the weird cousin I always wanted." Rocco thought about it for a second before grinning like an idiot.

"Hey, now in West Virginia don't they kiss their cousins?" I snorted and flipped him off as I continued to my bedroom. I heard Connor answer him as I shut the door.

"Ye even t'ink about kissin' our girl Roc, ye'll ne'vr be able ta touch ano'ter woman agin." I heard the two go back and forth, laughing. I grabbed some clean black skinny jeans and a white muscle shirt. I chose a black sports bra and a trusty pair of boy cut undies to match. I balled it all up in my arms and made my way to the bathroom.

It was quick work and soon I was out. I threw my hair up in the towel and got dressed. When I walked out, Murphy had joined them and was limping around. I walked over to him, shyly leaning up to kiss his lips. Rocco made a noise and Connor smacked him. "Good evenin'." I whispered to the dark haired twin. He smiled at me, touching my chin before kissing my forehead.

"Goin' somewhere?" Murphy asked, seeing my clothes. I nodded and took a sip of his coffee.

"Gotta run out and grab some Tylenol and more bandages and gauze. Y'all used it all this mornin'." And that's when the struggle started. By the body language of the brother's I knew they were going to protest.

"Not by yerself!" Murphy's voice raised. I blinked, partially in shock for the sudden broken mood. I seen Connor eyeing us, looking like he was agreeing with his brother.

"Aye, gimme a minuet an' I'll git dressed." Connor spoke up, acting as if the decision was already made. I felt my eye twitch and I took a step away from them.

"You guys...I can walk myself to the pharmacy. Take me 5 minuets to get there." But Murphy shook his head and sat on the stool, trying to ease his leg.

"No, yer not goin' anywhere without one'a us." His voice was stern, eyes set on me as if he was made of stone. I gritted my teeth and glared back. I really hated how such a sweet moment had been ruined and I was not mad. Emotional whiplash. I heard my mother's voice in my head telling me not to let them change me too much.

"I know y'all want me safe, but you're not always gonna be around. I can make it to the pharmacy I am sure. I'll take the gun if ya want me to." That wasn't good enough. Connor came around and walked with purpose towards the bedroom. I imagined he was getting dressed seeing they were still just in boxers.

"Amelia, yer not winnin' t'is one, love. Con's goin' with ye. End o' story." Murphy growled at me and I narrowed my eyes at him. I looked at Rocco, daring him to agree. He just looked away and took a gulp of his coffee. I roughly yanked the towel out of my hair and tossed it at Murphy, hitting him in the face.

"Fuck it!" I growled as I went to my bedroom and slammed the door. I listened to see if they said anything, but it was quiet. I quickly threw my hair up and put Dad's watch in my pocket, clipping it on. I put socks on and yanked my door open, seeing Connor now dressed and getting his boots on. He looked stern but wasn't saying anything to make it worse. Murphy was rubbing his face, not looking at me. Fine.

I grabbed my boots and sat them up, slipping my feet in and making sure my jeans were properly tucked in. I strode over to the counter, grabbed my rosary and my wallet. I yanked open the drawer and put the compact Ruger .380 in the waist band of my jeans above my ass, after I made sure it was loaded. I didn't bother speaking. I didn't know why I was so damn mad, I knew they were just looking out but I didn't want to be the little lady needing to be saved every damn week. UHG. So many conflicting emotions and reactions. Damnit!

After I slipped my green flannel on, I took a second to breath. I shook my head and strode over to Murphy, swallowing all sense of pride I barely had these days. He looked at me with those beautiful blue eyes, storms raging. I sighed and pulled him in for a kiss. He didn't hesitate to kiss me back.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled. He nodded and touched my face, letting me know he already knew.

"S'okay, shouldn'ta yelled at ye like an ass." I gave him a nod and smiled. We hugged and I went back to Connor, following him out. When I shut the door, I slipped the rosary around my neck and tucked it into my shirt.

"Ye ready, love?" Connor asked. I nodded and laced my fingers with him.

"Yeah, sorry for my tantrum." He chuckled and gave me an honest smile.

"Ye kiddin' me? Seein' my brother's face was priceless." We shared a light moment and he pushed the ground floor door open. "Let's drive, alrigh'?" He suggested. I decided with his arm that was probably best. He unlocked the Buick and I slid in, rolling the window down. Once he was inside he lit a cigarette and handed it to me. I nodded in thanks and waited as he got himself one. We backed out and got on the small street. The weather was shitty today I realized, the sky was cloudy and it was getting dark not just because the sun was about to set. Small drops of rain began pelting the windshield and before we knew it, it was piss pouring.

"Shite." Connor murmured. I quickly began rolling the window up some more, seeing lightening light up the sky. Roars of thunder seemed to silence the world for a moment. It sent a volt of emotion through me. I felt my hand holding the cigarette tremble. I blinked and my chest squeezed uncomfortably. Fear set in. "Ye alrigh'?" I heard Connor ask, I wanted to tell him I was but something kept me quiet. More thunder sounded and I jumped. I'd never been afraid of storms before, but somehow now they terrified me. Filled me with panic.

"I dunno. Somethin' isn't right." I said. I was looking ahead of us, too afraid to look up into the storm. We came to a stop light and halted.

"It's jus' a storm, Melia." He tried to comfort me, touching my thigh. I nodded, grabbing his hand tightly. When the light turned green, he let go and eased the old car forward. I took a deep breath, hearing my heart beat loudly in my ears. I felt my brain tingle, something whispering into my ear to look to my right. I felt time shift and slow, my eyes finding a black SUV barreling towards the car. Fear gripped me and I was frozen. Oh God...

The SUV hit us hard. Before I could scream it plowed into the back passenger side door, violently forcing the Buick to twist and slam into the side of the offending vehicle. I was thrown into my side window and Connor was thrown into me. My head hit the glass and instantly I was seeing stars and my stomach turned. I was trying to call for Connor, but my ears were ringing. I felt him grab me, trying to pull me out. I was trying to help him, but the world seemed to flip upside down. As soon as he had me on my feet, I fell over and wretched on the car door. Connor was trying to tell me something. I blinked, feeling almost drunk. His face was scared and he had pulled a gun out. I barely heard the shots. Darkness had started leaking into my vision. I was trying to fight it, fear coursing through me. I must have moaned, I couldn't see Connor. Where was he?

Strong hands grabbed me and my heart fluttered with relief until I seen Connor standing feet away, trying to fight some guy in all black off. I was confused, who had me? I tugged weakly against the man who had me, but the grip switched to my hair and yanked hard. I screamed, trying to claw the hands with my nails. I knew I was crying. The world was spinning, but I found Connor's blue eyes. He was scared to death. There were tears in his eyes too.

"CONNOR!" I screamed, starting to hear myself again. The noises of the world flooding back in, thunder streaking its way through my body. The rain was so heavy it was almost blinding. But I still seen Connor clear as day. I heard him scream a bunch of obscenities, screaming my name. It was broken and angry. I began kicking and fighting harder. I remembered my gun and reached for it. Whoever had me must have seen it because I felt the tread of a boot grate against my skin. I felt the gravel and dirt rip my forearm. They roughly shook me, I realized they were walking me backwards. Stay strong, Amelia! Fight! I kept repeating to myself. Not again!

Connor was hurt, he was trying to stand up. His face was bloody, his leg seeming to not want to work. I was screaming for him. He was sobbing, and I was too. I again started scratching at the hands which had me, but I didn't get very long. I seen Connor once last time before something hard impacted the back of my head and I was submerged in darkness.

****Unconditionally - Katy Perry ****


	17. Release The Panic

**A/N: *high fives all around* I'm pretty happy with this.  
Lemme know what y'all think, eh?**

**WARNING: This is a pretty graphic chapter. Physical abuse and ass kickery.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing BDS. **

_"'Cause you're trapped in the countdown_  
_And your days are numbered_  
_Don't you know that you're done for_  
_Right now, lights out_  
_Let your panic out"_

Chapter 17: Release The Panic

I was looking over green pastures. The air smelled like summer grass after a rain. My feet were bare as the soft blades of grass poked up through my toes. It almost tickled. I was in my jeans and shirt I'd left the apartment in. How did I end up here? My knowledge of what had happened reeled through my mind, and yet I didn't feel uneasy in the slightest. It felt so far away. Maybe it was a dream. A peace fell over me. I started walking, not really caring where I was going. I felt drawn to go forth, through the fields. My eyes scanned the scenery, in the distance there was a great fog.

I heard a whisper, calling my name. I stopped and turned in a slow circle, trying to find the source of the whisper. Nobody was there. I started walking again towards the fog. The grass seemed to become more and more wet, the ground releasing water as if it were a sponge.

_Amelia_

I felt a shiver race down my spine. Who was calling to me? My steps picked up speed.

_Amelia_

My heart was pounding in my chest. I needed to find the voice, see the face that it belonged to. Urgency was starting to overwhelm me. Before I knew, I was running. The fog seemed to get closer and closer. My eyes watered, fear of losing this sweet voice filled me. The silence scared me. When I crossed the barrier between clear air and fog, I realized I could no longer see anything clearly.

"_Amelia._" The voice wasn't just registered in my brain, but my ears. I licked my lips and froze.

"Who's there?" I called out. I felt silly, speaking to the white and gray swirling around me. My feet were squishing through drenched earth, a small chill traveling up my body. I strained my ears, trying to detect anything. Then I heard it, a muffled shuffling. My heart leapt, but my body remained still. With bated breathes, I seen shadows through the fog. Moving slowly and unexplainably. My eyes narrowed, struggling. Then a noise I had heard many times in my childhood, before we cut back on the workload and farm hands. Sheep.

Leisurely, they came towards me and didn't even seem to acknowledge my presence. There had to be at least thirty of them, making soft baa's and other noises. They went around me, occasionally their wool softly brushing against my jeans. A small smile pulled at my mouth. Carefully, I lowered my hand and felt the familiar sensation on my finger tips. My eyes closed, finding peace in this moment.

"_Amelia._" The voice called again, but I wouldn't be bothered. When I no longer heard the sheep, I opened my eyes and seen once again I was alone. The swirling around me remained, then another figure emerged. It seemed to stay beyond my sight, just a standing shadow. I bit my lip, wondering who it was. It was clearly a person.

"Hello?" I asked, feeling shy with this presence who knew my name and yet was a stranger to me. The figure didn't move, but I knew it was strong. I took a step, then another. They were getting closer, I would see this face. I felt my stomach tighten with nerves. Something about this was important, but I didn't understand why.

"_Amelia._" The voice called again, sounding sad. I was running again, wondering how this shadow seemed to stay far away from me. The bottoms of my legs were soaked as water splashed up from the impact of my bare feet. When I was about to give up, I seen I was making progress. I ran harder, breath starting to become strained. Then I seen it. It wasn't a familiar face though, it wasn't even a person. It was a statue. A woman angel, staff in hand, wings spread proudly behind her. My breath stopped.

It was beautiful and cracked. Weathered and sad. Slowly I lifted my hands to touch the beautiful stone, but I was warned off by the loud crack of thunder. I began shaking. No, no, no...my eyes watered. Another loud clash and I gripped my chest, feeling myself stumble back as if I were being pulled. I want to touch her face. Why was she so sad? For some reason this deeply bothered me. Why would an angel be sad? Then the voice called to me again, and I knew then. It was the statue.

"_Amelia_." I swallowed the strangled sob in my throat as the thunder over me roared. I dropped to my knees, covering my face. Every time thunder rolled through the air, I slowly became aware of something else. It was another voice, voices actually. It started out as a whisper like the angel's voice had, until I could hear it clear as day.

"_And shepherds we shall be..._"

* * *

My eyes shot open, I felt as if I had been electrocuted. I felt the sweat rolling down my neck and the heavy thud of pain in my head. I inhaled, trying to calm myself. I knew I was in trouble, my hands were secured behind me and the blinding florescent light above me hurt. The right side of my face felt as if it had been repeatedly assaulted. Then again, going face first into a window will do that. I remembered the car accident, I remembered Connor...fear seized me. Was he okay? Alive even? I remembered seeing the blood on his face and him trying to stand, only to fall down.

I tugged at my bindings, realizing the handcuffs weren't going to give. The metal clanked against metal. Mixed emotions flooded through me, but mostly it was anger. I only became angrier thinking how upset Connor and Murphy are, if Connor was alive... No, he was alive. He was strong, stronger than I could ever be. He would get to Murphy, and they would come to me. I could feel they were okay. They'd find a way. I kept this in my head like a mantra, trying to ignore the pain that wouldn't go away. With every heart beat I felt it, over and over again.

Time passed and I stilled, trying to delve into a place in my mind away from this. Go back to green pastures and wet grass...that had been such an odd dream. Maybe there was something wrong with me. If I ever get out of here, I would give that doctor a call. What was his name? Tony? A stinging in my arm brought me back to the present. I was secured and nobody had come into this bare room yet. It was remarkably clean I noted. The sick idea of it having to be cleaned thoroughly for many reasons left me shaking. I wasn't the first person to be here.

More time drug on, and I was starting to think maybe I had been forgotten. Shortly after I'd had the thought, the door knob twisted and the door creaked open. I blinked and felt my stomach churn. The man quietly came in, shutting the door behind him. My heart rate shot through the roof. He wasn't as tall as what I had pictured in my mind. Maybe 5 foot 8 or 9. His head was practically bald except for a few shadows of short short hair. The man had dark, serious eyes and a nose which would be unforgettable. His lips were drawn taught, body seeming relaxed. He knew what it meant to keep an appearance. He was used to people looking to him.

"Yakavetta." I said out loud. I needed to be strong, I can cry later. I can suffer later. When the boys showed up, they needed me to be logical and alive. The man gave me a smile, though it did not reach his eyes. He began rolling the sleeves up, making sure to carefully unbutton them first.

"Ciao, Amelia." His voice was unamused and flat, letting out a relieved breath when his task was complete. "I see my men got a little carried away, I do give my sincerest apologies, giovane donna. (_young lady_)" He paused, seeming to be content with standing in front of me, keeping a few feet of space in between us. Smart, my legs weren't secured. I might be scared to death right now, but I would go down swinging. They would know I had been here, for my Dad and my boys. "I had told them to bring you to me, not cause a scene. For that I must apologize. You're a beautiful woman, but they have left their marks." I had to resist the urge to gag.

"Why am I here?" I asked. My voice was even and I leaned back into the chair. His dark eyes found mine and he clasped his hands together.

"You are bait. I know who you are, I knew who your father was too." He let that linger in the air, humor coloring his facade. I gritted my teeth. He's trying to get a reaction out of me, and if he mentioned my father again it would work. "You are housing the 'Saint's', are you not?" I bit my lip and averted my eyes, I wouldn't answer him. He chuckled. "You are stubborn. That's okay, other's have been stubborn before. You're father was stubborn, well, until I started threatening the safety and innocence of his little precious Amelia..."

"Fuck you!" I hissed. I felt the anger in me boiling, how dare he! Yakavetta sighed and then smiled, licking his lips. He took a step closer and crouched down, making sure he was eye level with me. I felt every muscle in my body grow taut. He reminded me of a crouched tiger of the safari shows, waiting to pounce. I sensed it before it happened, his hand came out of no where. He slapped me along the left side of my jaw. The stinging traveled down to the bone and echoed through the right side of my head, nausea making my eyes water.

"You want to know what I told your father, dear dolce, innocente Amelia?(_sweet, innocent_)" He grabbed my jaw and yanked me forward. I hissed as the handcuffs twisted against my skin and my shoulder's ached with the strain. Yakavetta leaned forward and let his breath travel down my neck as he spoke directly into my left ear. "I told him I was going to find you. I would tie you up and beat you. I would...break you, then I was going to fuck you. I would rip you and bite you in places that no man should ever see...not on his sweet little girl." My eyes watered.

"Carrin, that drunkard Irishman, cried and begged me. I laughed and my boys beat him within an inch of his sorry life. But just like you, he was stubborn. Cazzo.(_prick_)." He inhaled and let me go, firmly patting the top of my head as he stood. My eyes followed him, wishing him to the worst circle of hell. "Battered and bruised, he wouldn't lay down like the mutt he was. So worried about you. I did the humane thing and put him down."

"You're a sick bastard." I seethed, and he didn't argue with me. Yakavetta took a long moment to think as he looked down at me.

"I am no Saint, but neither are the men who have been sharing your apartment. They are killers, Amelia. No better than I. If they were working for me, I would praise them. They have done what others could not, really piss me off." His voice rose and he grabbed my hair, yanking my head back at a painful angle. "They have fucked me, and I am going to kill them. I will torture them and make them bleed. But, they are strong. I will need to treat them specially." He leaned down and go closer to my face. Our eyes locked and I got that familiar feeling, when I had passed Ivan on the walk home the night before they'd busted into the boy's apartment.

I felt like I could feel and smell the evil in him. It turned my stomach and I heard thunder somewhere distant. I clenched my jaw, trying to harden myself against his stench. Within the depths of his dark eyes, I could almost see the flames of hell licking anxiously, waiting to consume him greedily. Murphy and Connor would send him to the deepest of pits.

"I am going to break them the way I will break you. When they get here, I am going to drag you in there and start slow. I am going to beat you and cut you, watch them cry and scream as I fillet their whore." He laughed and roughly let go of my hair. He took a few steps away and rubbed his crotch, suggestively. "Then I am going to drag you out of the room and make them listen as I fuck you. Listen to you beg for death. Rilascio misericordioso.(_merciful release_)" Yakavetta chuckled as I sat there shivering. Scared wasn't even the word for what I was feeling. I just hoped God would grant me a swift death if the boys couldn't get to me.

Then again, maybe it would be just best if they didn't come. I didn't want them hurt because of me. Too much has happened lately. I just want peace. I want to be able to move on without this shit, I just want to be happy with Murphy and Connor. I blinked and let silent tears run down my cheeks. Yakavetta didn't say anything else, he just walked out and left me to my thoughts.

* * *

I had been alone for hours, wondering if maybe the boys weren't coming. Hoping they wouldn't, almost. Then I heard it, the wrestling around, the yells. I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. No, no, no! They were here. I felt the air around me seem to shift. I gritted my teeth and tried to listen. It was all pretty muffled, but there sounded like there was a lot going on. Definitely Murphy and Connor yelling, Rocco too. I felt my throat close.

This was going to be a nightmare.

The only thing I could do was listen and wait. I closed my eyes, feeling the weight of my rosary between my breasts. Over my heart. _With faith and loyalty_.

Whatever came through that door next, it would be the ignition in a long chain of reactions. I inhaled deeply and focused on what the inscription said on the back of the cross. I had faith in Connor and Murphy. I had faith in God and I would have it in myself. I had to. And my loyalty, I would die if I needed to. I knew my Mom would grieve me, but she was strong. The boys were strong. I am but a grain of sand passing through an hour glass. Suddenly I understood the resolve on Murphy's face when Ivan had him on his knees. A strong emotion moved through me, one that left me shaking.

Acceptance.

I accepted this situation and then something snapped in me. But there was no way in hell I wasn't going to fight tooth and nail for my boys. My líne saol needed me strong.

When the door finally burst open and two men came in, looking very familiar. I felt the electricity in me again, the jolt of anger and vengeance. They were two of three who'd been chasing me and my father. I watched them circle me, eyeing me. They mumbled between them and the biggest one, heavier set and hair gelled back, stood in front of me to make sure I didn't bolt. The smaller one, husky with curly hair, undid my hand cuffs and pushed me to the floor. I groaned, my head swimming with the sudden movement after being still for so long. The big guy picked me up by my hair and I swung at him. He chuckled and jerked, making me stumble sideways. I bounced off the door frame as he guided me into a hallway.

My head was swimming, but I was focused. I could hear nothing but my heart beat thumping loudly as the other guy opened a door and I was shoved in. I stumbled and was caught. I groaned and met the eyes of Yakavetta himself, looking amused and excited. His right hand was in my hair and his left around my throat. I felt my skin itch wherever he touched me.

"AMELIA!" The desperate voice pulled my attention away from my captor. There they were, all three sat in chairs and bound. All were bloodier than I'd ever seen them. I blinked and gasped when Yakavetta moved himself behind me, almost shielding himself from them with me. I felt his nose in my hair. I kept my eyes on the boys though. They were pulling at their restraints and furious, trying to think through their fury. Rocco was furious too. I felt my heart break for them.

I clenched my jaw, reminding myself I needed to stay calm. Like Murphy had told me once, don't scream...no matter what. I wouldn't give these pricks the satisfaction of one more plead. My boys needed me strong. I held my hands up to them, trying to silently signal them I would be okay. Over the past month I had been broken too many times. I'd cried too many tears. I was tired and mad as hell. Connor didn't understand my calm, neither did Murphy.

"You are going to beg, Amelia. I demand it." Yakavetta hissed in my ear and I felt the resolve in me double. I set my jaw. His hand tightened around my throat and I closed my eyes, focusing on the memory of my father for a moment. His caring smile and the way he'd told me how proud he was. Yakavetta's hand that was in my hair let go and he gripped my breast, squeezing painfully. I bit back my retaliation. "You like this, love it when they do this to you. I bet you take them at the same time..."

"Fuck you." I ground out before hitting my knees as he threw me to the ground. I heard Connor and Murphy yanking, screaming. Rocco was begging Yakavetta to leave me alone. I wanted to push myself up, bracing my hands in front of me. A swift kick sent me onto my side, knocking the wind from me. The sharp pain in my chest sent tears to my eyes. Aside from my gasping, I made no other noise.

"Beg, bitch!" Yakavetta growled, pulling me up onto my knees. I managed a cough, grateful not to be tasting blood.

"No." I said, receiving a slap to the right side of my face. That one really hurt, sending me to my other side and causing a fresh wave of nausea to roll through me. I dry heaved, but quickly got myself under control. I grabbed onto the first thing I felt, it was Rocco's leg.

"YOU MOTHER FUCKER! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Connor screamed, Murphy ranting the same thing in varied forms. I shivered, I wanted to hold them. I wanted to sink into them and never re emerge. With faith and loyalty, I reminded myself.

"I am going to punish her, I am going to make her scream. And I am going to make you watch, but first..." Yakavetta was clearly pissed I wasn't breaking down as if I was afraid to die. He drew a gun, a revolver. My stomach tightened. He took two steps and aimed it at Rocco. "I don't appreciate traitors." Then he pulled the trigger. I jumped. Rocco's chair fell backwards and Murphy and Connor broke. I whimpered, feeling their suffering hit me. To my surprise, Yakavetta walked out of the room for a moment. I wheezed and began crawling towards them.

"ROCCO!" Murphy was screaming, tears running down his face. Connor was choking on his tears. I felt as if my emotional resolve was keeping me from losing my mind right now. When I crawled around the bottom of the chair, he was barely alive. Murphy was kicking his way towards him and I gave him the best tug I could. His face was beside Rocco's. I reached Connor, feeling my side and head throbbing. I pulled as he kicked forward, helping to get him closer.

"Don't stop, keep fighting. You can't stop." The shaggy man said, I met his eyes for a moment. They were dimming. When his chest rose for the last time, his words hit us hard. I groaned, touching Rocco's face. The boys couldn't hold him, I couldn't free the boys.

"No...Roc.." Murphy's voice broke and I shuddered. Rocco's face was warm as I pressed my lips to his forehead. I felt the rage building up into my body once more. Keep fighting.

"Amelia? Oh god, 'M sorry..." Connor choked out, looking at me hovered above their dead best friend. I let my eyes find his and I reached for his face. His tears were leaving streaks through the blood smeared all over his face. My fallen angel. Murphy was still sobbing and I reached for him, too. He seemed past the ability to speak, but he didn't have to.

"It's gonna be okay." I heard myself say. I believed it would be, somehow. I let them go and shut Rocco's eyes. I bit my bottom lip and let myself come down from this misery for a moment. I took a deep breath and heard quickened footsteps in the hall. I braced myself and waited. The door opened violently as one of the men from before ran in and grabbed me. It happened so fast. One minuet I was with the boys, the next I was being drug down a hallway. There was yelling and gunshots. I started fighting.

I kicked and aimed punch after punch to my captor and anyone who crowded in around us. They were speaking Italian, but by the looks of it we were relocating. Fear gripped me, I didn't want to be separated from Murphy and Connor again. They needed me. They were grieving. Thunder rolled through the air as the windows to this large house lit up with lightening. I screamed. I kicked the man in front of me, he turned around and landed a solid punch right in between my eyes. I seen stars and went lax, then the big man guiding me threw me over his shoulder.

I blinked trying to make sense of everything. More gun shots. Someone yelling to go, to move, get me inside the van. Then my point of view tilted as the man who had me fell over. I gasped as he landed on my bad side. The rain pelting me and soaking me through told me I was outside. I crawled, painfully out from under the now dead man. More thunder. I shook.

"AMELIA!" I squinted and tried to push myself up. "AMELIA!" It was Murphy's voice. I didn't have much left as I found my feet, trying to find his face in the chaos. I couldn't see him, but I did see Yakavetta jumping into a SUV with a few of his men. I was still, furious as he drove away. I wanted to scream and kick, but didn't get the chance to. Warmth enveloped me as the brothers grabbed me. I shook and gripped onto them for my life. But how had they gotten out of the house?

"BOYS! MOVE!" I heard another man yell. My head swiveled and we seen a group of men coming at us. Connor and Murphy grabbed me and pushed me behind them. I stumbled and fell over, tripping over the dead body of the man who had carried me. I was wheezing, my body in so much pain. I was honestly amazed I was coherent. I watched the boys, they were aiming and shooting. The sheer sight of it hit me on level's I'd never imagined possible. I felt the rain starting to freeze me to the bone.

On shaky legs I stood, bracing myself against a forgotten van my captor's had tried to get me inside. I searched the ground around me, trying to find a forgotten gun. The rain was pouring, this was a terrible storm. The heavens cried and shouted, casting an eerie setting on this hell that had broken out. Murphy and Connor were trying to find cover as men aimed, unloading clip after clip. I hit the ground, hearing bullets hitting the pavement all around me.

"CONNOR! MURPHY!" Screamed, feeling scared when they were out of my line of sight. I waited until the bullets stopped reigning down on me and ran around the van. I seen them notice me from behind another car, looking relieved to see me alive. I let out a choked cry, until hands reached out from the other side of the black van and grabbed me. I side stepped and fell. I again screamed for them, but more gun shots sounded out and we were separated by a curtain of bullets.

I looked up and seen it was the guy with curly hair, seething and furious.

"You stupid bitch! You got my brother killed!" He grabbed the front of my shirt, placing a solid punch to my face. I scratched and tried to kick away, but it was no use. He hit me again and secured the back of my head by wrapping his hand around my hair. He rolled me onto my stomach and submerged my face into a deep pothole in the road. I tried to push myself up but he had his full weight on me. He was a fat fucker. The more I struggled and tried to fight, the more rain water and dirt went up my nose and into my mouth.

I was terrified. I was going to die. This was it, I would be drowned in the middle of a firefight. I grabbed his ankle, just...trying. I felt my lungs burning and squeezing, desperate for oxygen. My consciousness was dimming and I could feel the numbness set in. Then thunder, loud and soul shaking sounded above me. Time slowed to a stop, and I was in the green fields from my dream. Calm and peaceful. The fog was gone and the statue was again before me. I studied it in the rain coming down around us.

_Amelia..._

The voice resonated within me and I blinked. With new found confidence I reached up and touched her face, feeling it's warmth. A familiararity registered between myself and the stone. I recognized her, she was me. I was the statue. Too set on being what I was, always trying but never succeeding. Her face sad. I clenched my jaw and stepped back. No, I promised myself. Faith and Loyalty. I needed to be strong. Keep fighting. I needed the boys. Thunder crashed and lightening struck the statue. The stone hand shattered, dropping the staff onto the ground.

_For shepherds we shall be...for thee my Lord for thee..._

The twin voices echoed around me. This was what I was here for. I picked up the staff.

_For they are shepherds, I am the staff..._

Thunder roared once more, and I was back to being an inch from death. I felt the dark promises of painlessness dragging me softly away. But, I had a job. I fought it. My heart lurched, beat after agonizing beat. My hand on the man's ankle gripped and as if God himself intervened, I felt my salvation. An ankle holster. I shut my mouth and fought the darkness back more urgently. I felt for the handle of the gun and when my shaking hand grabbed it securely, I felt the thunder vibrate through me. I yanked with the last of my strength and aimed at his leg, squeezing the trigger. His grip loosened and I shot up from the water.

Lightening lit the street up as I coughed and staggered to my feet, holding the gun with everything I had. My lungs burned and my head swam. I pushed the wet hair out of my face, finding my attacker laying over, gripping his thigh.

"You fucking BITCH!" He screamed at me. I was shaking and rage filled me. I coughed again, ignoring the pain shooting through my side. I reached forward and hit him across the face with the compact pistol. He groaned, momentarily rendered unfocused. My free hand gripped his collar and I pulled him to his knees. The rain fell on us, surrounding me with clarity. My body filled with all the pain, confusion and misery the past month and a half has brought me. A silent cadence echoing in my head. A knowledge that I had just discovered. My boots brought me around him, aiming the gun to the back of his head. The world went silent. I heard the whisper. I smelled the green pastures. I felt peace.

"For they are the shepherds, I am the staff.  
To guide the lost on His almighty behalf.  
The rain shall pour and the heavens shall clash,  
unrighteous men shall know his justified wrath."

I paused, feeling how sure I was. This was justice. This was right.

"In nomine patris, et fili, a spiritis sancti."

The words flowed from deep within me, and I squeezed the trigger.

****Red- Release The Panic****


	18. Amsterdam

**A/N: This chapter is a recovery. **  
**If it seems a bit weird, it's supposed to. **  
**Hugs and love.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing BDS. **

_"Come on, oh my star is fading_  
_And I swerve out of control_  
_If I, if I'd only waited_  
_I'd not be stuck here in this hole_  
_Come here, oh my star is fading_  
_And I swerve out of control_  
_And I swear, I waited and waited_  
_I've got to get out of this hole"_

Chapter 18: Amsterdam

"Shit."

I muttered, trying to lean back enough to get comfortable in the hot water. The bathroom was only lit with a candle, easing the headache I seemed to have kept since we got back to the apartment early this morning. My left side was tender to the touch. My ribs were terribly bruised, Yakavetta had nailed me good. I looked like a hot mess, the whole right side of my forehead was one big bruise. Not to mention the black eye and busted upper lip. My hands also suffered, knuckles on both hands bruised and cut up.

Last night was beyond comprehension. I wasn't even trying to understand it. I forced it out of my mind because it made my skin crawl, made me think of Rocco's eyes as he died, the pain Murphy and Connor were still in. It bothered me so much because I couldn't heal it. There was no remedy for that kind of pain. I just let them stay close to one another, quiet, talking to their father. Yes, their father. Noah. Somehow he'd managed to show up right as I was getting drug down the hall. He'd gotten them out and to me. Seems like there was more in my life these day's that I didn't understand than what I did.

The three men were in my living room right now, whiskey in hand, talking about 'things'. I found out after a phone call Smecker had showed up too, worming himself in via drag. He'd promised that he was going to make sure all evidence pointing to me would eventually be 'damaged' or 'lost'. He told me he'd promised my father he'd watch out for me. Made me respect the man a whole lot more, but honestly right now, I don't much care. My body was too sore, my soul was too tired.

Then there was the whole I killed a man thing. I always thought taking someone's life would haunt you, fill you with grief. Self loathing. But no, I was more at peace with the memory of pulling that trigger than anything else. I felt absolved. Murphy had driven us home, pushing back his grief enough to get us back here. The three men had barely said a word on the way. I had sat quiet. Connor and Murphy would look at me, waiting for anything, but nothing came. I was stone, just like my 'dream' or 'vision'...whatever it was. When we had gotten home, they'd started cleaning up and re wrapping bandages. I opted for sleep, being barely able to keep my eyes open.

One of them had obviously went to the pharmacy while I was asleep, woke up to a whole bag full of medical stuff and pain killers on the counter. And now here I was, there they were.

I gently moved and grabbed my loofah, adding body wash and getting all the dirt off. It felt nice to be clean, the hot water eased my sore muscles. I sat up, wanting to wash my back but found I couldn't reach it. My arms were too sore. I huffed.

"DAMNIT!" I growled, throwing the loofah across the bathroom. I heard the water spinning off in various directions. Great Amelia, just make a mess. Seconds later, there was a knock at the door.

"'Melia?" Connor's voice came through. I instantly eased further into the now pink water, covering myself. "Ye alrigh' love?" He sounded worried.

"Yeah, just mad I can't reach." I answered, feeling a little immature with my anger. There was silence for a moment.

"Can I come in?" He asked. I blinked. Shit!

"But, I'm naked..." I spoke, feeling my cheeks flame and for the first time in hours, I was feeling something other than confusion or hatred.

"Aye."

I chewed my bottom lip, adjusting in the tub, before conceding and closing my eyes. It was pretty dark and I doubt he'd be able to see much.

"Ok." I replied, my voice slightly wavered and I heard the knob twist. I took a deep breath and stared at my toes, poking out through bubbles at the other end of the tub. Out of the corner of my eye, I seen Connor come in. He seemed so tall. His hair was dark in this light, and his face looked a little older. Slowly, he leaned over and picked my loofah up from the floor. I scrunched my face as he tossed it back into the tub. When I did look at him directly, he looked distant. I didn't like it.

His chest was rising and falling with breath, but his eyes looked hollow. My Connor was somewhere else. Finally he moved again, sitting down in the floor beside the tub. His blue eyes studied me as I studied him back. Confident in the fact he couldn't see anything for the tub, I reached out a hand. He must not have cared about the suds dripping off, because he took my hand and kissed my sore knuckles.

"I t'ot we'd lost ye. I'd lost ye." He whispered between kisses to my wet skin. I wanted to argue, but his grip tightened as I'd started to say something. "No, we've got'n comfortable. S'our fault. T'at shoulda never happened." It almost hurt the way he held my hand, but I didn't flinch. When Connor was quiet, I spoke.

"No, it wasn't. It had been meant to happen. Aside from Rocco, I'm glad it did." I sounded so sure of myself. I met Connor's eyes. "I have a peace I didn't before." Deep breath, Amelia. "I get it now, how you and Murphy do what you do." My voice didn't waver, and he didn't question it.

"I can' believe ye got called." He murmured. I gave him a small smile and brought his hand in to my lips, returning the kiss. His thumb moved as it traced my bottom lip before his hand cupped my chin. "We nev'r wanted ye in t'is deep wit' us."

I nodded and let him let me go, before he got onto his knees. I covered my chest and licked my lips. "I know, but God doesn't much care about what we want. It's the bigger picture that matters." Connor scratched his head and pushed the sleeves up on his arms. His eyes remained respectfully on my face.

"Want me te wash yer back, mo ghrá?(_my love_)"

I took a second to think, my cheeks feeling warm again. I knew after what we'd been through he probably felt like he just wanted to be close to me. I wanted to be close to him too, but it was also scary. I was exposed and I wanted to cover myself up thoroughly...but I trusted him. Loved him and Murphy equally. If Connor got to do this, I would have to balance it out with Murphy too. Only fair. Besides, I loved them. I knew that without a doubt. This is the stuff you do for those you love. I just gave a short nod and turned my body around, sitting sideways in the tub. My knees were pressed against my chest as I hugged them. My side gave a low throb, reminding me I had to watch my limitations.

Connor righted himself up some more, before reaching into the water and lathering up the loofah. I closed my eyes as his hands touched my neck, working in small soapy circles. I laid my head forwards and just focused on breathing. Seconds melted into minuets, and before long the loofah had been forgotten and he just gently rubbed my back with his hands. I heard him move again, then I felt his breath on the back of my neck. My skin erupted into chills.

"I love ye, Amelia." He whispered before kissing the side of my neck gently, over and over again. My heart broke and pieced itself back together again in one beat. My throat tightened and I sniffled as tears prickled my eyes. "I have since te moment ye showed yer tru' colors. When Ivan had ye, you fought and screamed lika banshee." He stopped kissing my neck and rested his forehead against the back of my head. "Yer a fighter, yer tough and aft'r everyt'ing ye've been tru wit' us...ye still look at us te same way ye did the first time ye seen us." I had to let out a quiet laugh.

"Awkward and dumbfounded?" I joked, letting the warm tears slide down my face and into the bath water. Then when Connor spoke, I heard the small smile in his voice.

"Like ye'd found home." I blinked and nodded, turning my head to look at him. His blue eyes were flickering in the waving flame of the candle. I brought my hand up to his face and sighed.

"Because I did. You and Murphy are everythin'. I've told y'all that before." Then Connor kissed me. His lips firm against mine as he leaned over the tub and brought me in closer. I felt my body shiver as he pulled me up and against him in one quick movement, pressing my chest against his. I gasped at the cool air hitting my bare naked skin. My eyes closed out of embarrassment and his mouth found mine again. When my lips parted, his invaded. Molding and caressing mine, drawing a whimper from me as my wet hands fisted in the hair at the nape of his neck. Connor groaned and I felt one of his hands slide down my back, resting above my butt.

I must have squirmed because he reigned himself in and pulled his mouth away, looking straight into my soul. My lips tingled and I let out a shaky breath.

"T'ink it's time fer ye to get outta te tub. Murphy and Da wanta have a fam'ly meetin' o' sorts." His eyes didn't seem as sad as when he'd came in, and his mouth rewarded me with a smirk. I nodded and chewed my lower lip. My nerves were firing off in all kinds of ways and I felt mentally foggy.

"I t'ink yer right." I said, copying his Irish brogue. Connor cleared his throat and closed his eyes as he bent down and handed me my towel. I wrapped myself up and gave him the go ahead to look again. With one last kiss, he left me alone so I could dry and get dressed. Murphy was waiting on me, too. I made a promise to myself after we all talked, I'd spend some time with Murphy. He's been more distant than his twin. I was worried about him and where we stood with 'us'.

I drained the tub, blew the candle out and made quick work of brushing my teeth and getting dressed, minding my ribs. It took me a few minuets to get my black tee on, I hadn't even bothered with a bra. I stepped into a pair of my sleeping shorts and hung my towel up. When I stepped out into the living room every went quiet. My eyes went straight to the face of Noah. He'd taken his coat and hat off, leaving him in a black long sleeved shirt and slacks. The sensors in my brain fired off. He looked intimidating with that fat cigar hanging out of his mouth. I licked my lips and cleared my throat.

"So, uh...coffee anyone?" I asked, finding it hard to assert myself in this man's presence. I seen Connor and Murphy rise from the couch, sharing a look. Murphy met me at the coffee pot and grabbed me my coffee cup.

"We're gon' ta be stickin' wit' our whiskey, love." His voice was low and his eyes weren't meeting mine the way they normally do. My stomach twisted. I just nodded and reached for his hand. I was grateful when he enveloped mine in his, watching as he gently ran his thumb over the bruising and cuts.

"Can we talk later, just the two of us?" I asked in a whisper, sounding very unsure. Murphy let out a breath he'd been holding and finally met my eyes. He nodded and pulled me in for a careful hug.

"Aye, I'd like t'at. I need ta get back on base wit' ye." The warmth of his breath fluttered down my face and I turned up, placing a kiss to his mouth. His lips lingered before he kissed my forehead and limped over to the couch. I didn't want to turn around to face the older man who I could feel watching me. So I waited on the half pot of coffee to get done brewing. It was late evening and I felt I could sleep for years and it wouldn't be enough. When the coffee pot finished, I poured me a cup and grabbed another Tylenol.

I took a sip and swallowed the little pill down. My feet carried me to the couch where I wedged myself between the boys, trying to talk myself into looking at Noah in the recliner.

"Ye alrigh' lass?" The older man finally caught on. I nodded, feeling the boys lean into me. I took another sip and looked into the eldest Macmanus' eyes. They were strikingly blue, but more ice blue. Beautiful and dangerous. "T'en why ye actin' lika scar't dog?" I cleared my throat and chewed my lip.

"I'm not sure, Noah. Just think it's weird how ya just show up. I'm not complaining by any means, just so confusing how all this has happened." I felt Murphy's fingers twitch against my leg, before rubbing back and forth. Connor was just quiet, sipping his whiskey. Noah took a few puffs from his cigar and set it down on a new ashtray I don't recall buying.

"I can understand t'at, dear girl. If ye wasn't confused and befuddled, I'd be tellin' me boys t'ere was somet'ing wrong wit ye." I felt a little relief when he gave me the smallest of understanding smiles. The gray haired man sat up, sliding to the edge of the recliner to get a better look at us three. "I t'ink we needta prepare. We have got exactly t'ree months 'til t'at bastard Yakavetta goes on trial." I stayed where I was, but Murphy and Connor sat to mimic their father, suddenly in game mode. Was I supposed to do this too? I don't think it would help much, they are the master minds. I am just one body in, I knew nothing more than how to squeeze a trigger still.

So, I sat there and listened as Noah and the boys worked out the plan. We'd all lay low, keeping our guard up until his trial. We'd need the assistance of Smecker and the boys from the station. All and all, it seemed pretty solid. But I wondered, then what? We would be seen. The world would know our faces. Then Noah cleared that right up for me.

"They'll see our faces, not yers. Ye'll bare witness, but ye won't be t'ere as we will be." I chewed my lip some more as I mulled it over. I would see Yakavetta killed, that would be enough for me.

"Okay, but what about afterwards? Where we gonna go?" I looked to my boys, they gave me small smiles.

"We'll go home." Murphy mumbled, leaning to kiss my temple. I furrowed my brows.

"Home like, home home? Ireland?" My eyes grew large. Ireland? I could easily afford it, but Ireland? Connor gave a small chuckle and motioned towards his father.

"T'will only be fer a bit, no'tin too extensive. Maybe a year 'r so." That's it? Just a year? How the hell am I going to explain this to Mom? Wait, I don't have to. I'm legally an adult. Not even legally, I am an adult. I killed a man, I am an adult. I covered my face and was mindful of the banged up right side of my face. I also remember hearing a smart ass comment somewhere that went like, 'if you have to keep saying you're an adult...you're probably not an adult.' Damnit.

"Ya'alrigh' 'Melia?" Noah asked, raising with me and pouring him another glass of whiskey. I sighed, going to the coffee pot to get me more coffee.

"Yeah, just got a few details to work out on my end. I'm sure Smecker can help me out with a passport. I have the money, so cash isn't a problem." I paused and leaned against the counter. Noah held my gaze and I sighed. "You tell me what you need me to do, and it'll get done." The old man rose his glass to me and nodded.

"Aye, lass. Will do."

I licked my lips and took a long drink of the black liquid in my cup. These fuckin' Irish ways of ours.

* * *

After a while, Noah retired to my bedroom. I never slept in my bed anymore it seemed. But, it was a good trade I think. I got to sleep with the boys. We'd done a lot of talking, so much so that my brain hurt. I'd called Mom and acted as if I had just been busy. She had been too, especially with this guy she'd met. I had to smile, Mom needed someone in her life. Said his name was Elias and he was Australian. I gave her hell about having a fetish for men with accents, then again, I couldn't blame her. It saddened me to know she'd never know how close she got to losing her only child. Ignorant bliss, but I hated keeping secrets from her.

The TV was turned to some late night show with a host who seemed to have a toupee. I was watching the screen but I didn't really see anything. The boy's were talking about something important because it was in their mother tongue. It didn't even bother me anymore. I just let the sound lull me into a catatonic state. I was stretched out between them, head in Murphy's lap and feet in Connor's. As they spoke, they'd caress me and occasionally stop when they'd need to use their hands to exaggerate a point.

I guess I dozed off, because next thing I knew Connor was easing my feet onto the couch cushion and kissing my forehead. I gave him a questioning look before he motioned to the bedroom.

"Gon'a head off te bed, love. Figured ye an Murph need some time, don' rush." He kissed my head again before smiling. "Come te bed when yer ready." His eyes shifted from me and to his brother. He grasped his hand firmly, before sharing a one armed hug and whispering something between them. As always, Macmanus affection made my chest tighten. I watched Connor turn off the lamp light and disappear into the bedroom door way. The soft click told me he shut the door.

Muphy's hands found mine on my stomach, gently folding them into his. I gave a yawn and looked up to the handsome face that was looking back at me. Murphy was pensive, but there was a softness in his eyes that melted me. Those stormy blue eyes and that cute mole. My dark twin, he seemed to internalize more than Connor. Volatile but sensitive. I felt a smile ghost my lips.

"Lay with me." I whispered. He gave me a nod and I stood from the couch, letting him stretch out. I rubbed my eyes and nestled myself into him. My bare legs didn't mind the denim of his jeans, it was familiar. I laid my head on his arm, staying on my back so I could look at him comfortably. Murphy leaned forward and kissed me. It was just a lingering peck. I reached up and touched his beautiful face. I could see the darkness under his eyes, he was exhausted. He still hadn't had a chance to shave I realized. It's okay though, looked kind of good on him. Made him look a few years older. My stomach tightened.

"What are ye t'inkin bout, il mio bellissimo angelo?(_my beautiful angel_)" He asked me, I felt my cheeks flush. My spotty Italian worked for me on occasion, like now. When the boys wanted to include me in the language game, they'd throw some Italian in just for me. I grinned and rested my hand on his neck.

"Many things, mio bello.(my handsome). I was thinkin' about how the scruff on your face looks rugged." I teased lightly. Murphy smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. I frowned. "What are you thinkin' about?" I asked him, not knowing what I was going to get for an answer. It was quiet for a few minuets, I could tell he was trying to think. His free arm snaked around me, resting his hand on my hip. My heart was sinking. "Hey..." I murmured, turning his face back to mine. I ran my thumb across his jaw, trying to transmit as much of my love through the contact as possible. Within seconds, Murphy's eyes began turning red.

"Jus' keep t'inkin about when Con walked tru te door yesterday." His voice sounded tight and his hand gripped my hip firmly. "He wasa mess, we'd wasted no time try'n te get ready te kill ev'ry las' onea t'em. Keep t'inkin bout when t'ey brought ye in t'ere." I clenched my jaw, seeing the tears ready to free themselves from his eyes. "And Roc.." His body shook and I pulled his head into the crook of my neck. His face buried in, I felt the tears hot against my skin. I felt my eyes water, wishing I could take some of the pain away. I know they both dearly cared for the 'funny man'. I hadn't been too close, but I had liked Rocco a lot. I would dearly miss him. But for now, I would focus on loving my twins, with everything I had.

"Murphy.." I whispered, kissing his forehead over and over again. "Lookit me, hun." He forced himself to take a deep breath, wiping his face with his long sleeve. His blue eyes were puffy, but I didn't care. He was honest with his emotions. I craddled his face in my hands and gave him a serious look. "I love you." I spoke softly. "And I wish I could take it all away." I licked my lips, watching his reaction. His eyes softened and he pulled me close.

"I love ye, too." I had a second to relish in the sound before he laid his lips on mine. Connor's kiss had been hungry, but Murphy's was gentle and reminded me of water. Enveloping, cool, filling me up slowly. I breathed him in, tasting some of the salt from his tears. I didn't mind at all. When his lips opened, I shyly delved in and he consumed me. His hands were careful of my injuries, oh the many bumps and bruises. Murphy kissed me as if I would break, pausing periodically to trail kisses over my face and down my neck. His lips always returned to mine though, hand in my hair and on my hip.

My mind was blank and my body was slowly simmering. I sagged into him when he did pull away, cradling me. The other half of my líne saol, alive and beautiful.

"Let's get te bed." Murphy announced. I nodded into his chest and stood, helping him up. His leg was still bad, I seen him wince when he walked. The dark twin followed me into the bedroom, and I felt my way to the bed. I crawled in, hearing Connor snoozing softly. I rested my butt against him, listening to Murphy drop his jeans and crawl in after me. He laid on his back, letting me rest my head on his arm. I pulled my left leg up to wrap around his. As if on que, Connor made a sleepy noise and threw his left leg over my right as he snuggled my back.

"G'nigh'." Murphy whispered, kissing my forehead. I smiled and kissed his chest.

"Night."

* * *

****Coldplay - Amsterdam****


	19. Spies

**A/N: Okay, I just wanna make a shout out to AliceFan01, noelle parks .3 , KelseyBI, **  
**calliecolors, Fallen-Roses2517 and Monica8471 for commenting on my lil story. **  
**Means a lot to get comments and to know y'alls thoughts. *hugs* **  
**And thank you to all my readers who remain quiet, but read and favorite/follow. *waves***

**WARNING: Sexually graphic and smutty Macmanus deliciousness ahead. If that doesn't deter you, grab a spoon and dig in. Cheers. **

_"I awake to find no peace of mind_  
_I said, how do you live as a fugitive_  
_Down here where I cannot see so clear_  
_I said, what do I know_  
_Show me the right way to go_

_And the spies came out of the water_  
_But you're feeling so bad cos you know_  
_But the spies hide out in every corner_  
_But you can't touch them no_  
_Cos they're all spies_  
_They're all spies_

_And if we don't hide here_  
_They're going to find us_  
_If we don't hide now_  
_They're going to catch us where we sleep_  
_And if we don't hide here_  
_They're going to find us"_

Chapter 19: Spies

I adjusted the hood around my face as I crossed the street. I was incognito today, leaving the boys in the car as I met with Paul Smecker about my passport. We had been laying low for almost two months now, staying mostly holed up in our apartment. We'd make our way down to McGinty's two or three nights a week, just to get some air. I'd been enjoying myself though, being able to really live with Murphy and Connor. Their Dad too, he was mostly a shadow in the room. Noah spent a lot of his time reading and making dinner. I'd offer, but he'd just tell me to get back to work on learning the 'Irish tongue'. Despite the dark cloud hanging above our heads with the trial being right around the corner, life was slowly getting better.

The boy's have kept me busy. Between learning more about guns and combat, they were drilling Gaelic into my head and preparing me for life abroad. My nervousness about it was melting away to excitement. When they would talk about 'home', their eyes would light up and small smiles would disrupt their faces. I loved it, I loved them. But, we had hurdles to cross. One of those I had to speak to about with Smecker here in a few. Because of the heat on our four heads, I'd had to change my appearance. No more cowboy boots, instead we got me some working steel toes and I kept my hair tucked in something all the time. I'd offered to dye it, but the boys threw a hissy fit.

My boots splashed through a puddle where it had rained this morning. I pushed the sun glasses further up my nose as I seen Smecker tucked in behind a newspaper under the canopy of a little cafe. I lowered my hood, adjusting the ball cap on my head once more. Go Red Sox! Not really. Just don't tell any Boston native I said that. Calmly, I pulled the other chair out and slid in. Smecker didn't even bother to put the paper down, he just started talking.

"Hello Amelia." His voice was casual and he cast me a side glance, I had to smile. He was in a nice suit and his hair was neatly brushed back.

"Howdy. How're you today?" I asked politely, sitting back and crossing my legs. I mentally took note to take these jeans off when I got home, the bottoms were soaked.

"Oh yah know, just trying to slowly obstruct evidence and break the law. Everything a good FBI agent does." The sarcasm in his voice was palpable, but the smile on his face told me he wasn't upset about it. He laid the paper down finally and reached into his coat pocket. He withdrew a envelope and tucked it into the paper, sliding it to me. I let it lay there for a second.

"Well, you're a good man for all this." I gave him a nod, and he nodded back. Smecker lifted his coffee cup to his lips and took a sip, eye balling our surroundings.

"Where's the boys?" I used my thumb to point behind me.

"Parked on the street, watchin' me like a hawk." I licked my lips and sat up a little more. "Did ya get everything squared away with Rocco?" My heart pulled, knowing we'd just had to leave him there. Paul's eyes met mine through my glasses, his mouth went tight.

"Yeah, he didn't have any family but a cousin we could dig up. He made sure Mr. Rocco got put in a crypt close to his parents. Nice place. The address is also in the envelope." The boys would be happy to be able to pay their last respects. "Also, I got Greenly, Dolly and Duffy to sign up for our little 'project'." I felt my jaw go slightly slack, Smecker just chuckled. "Might have threatened them a bit, but they are quite fond of you guys. Greenly asks about you a little too much for my liking, but they are good men."

"Indeed they are, just cant get over the fact you're gonna help. All of you." I went still, grabbing the newspaper and tucking it under my arm. Smecker sighed and took another drink.

"I have been doing this for a long time. Too many time's I have seen the bad guy walk. It starts to take it's toll on you, makes you feel like all the work you do don't mean shit at the end of the day." He paused and looked back to my face. "Until a man comes along with guts to be your eyes where you can't see, two men defend their lives and decide to take on the mob...when a girl finds her strength and fights for what's right." He gave me a sad smile and nodded in the direction of where the boys were. "I would be a fucking idiot not to help you guys out. I believe in you, all three of you. This whole city does." I hadn't expected something so powerful from the man who was my father's keeper. I felt my throat tighten.

"Thank you." I quietly replied, leaning forward and taking his hand. I squeezed and he squeezed back, before letting go and exhaling dramatically.

"So, I'll be expecting a phone call?"

"Yes, early in the morning. We'll just need someone to open a door for us, keep an eye out. The usual action movie stuff." I grinned, standing and securing the newspaper. Paul snorted and shook his head.

"I knew one of them had a thing for bad television, you should have seen the Russians. Fucking ridiculous!" I laughed for a moment and tipped my hat to him. "See ya soon, kid." He called after me and I pulled my hood back up. When I was close to the car, Connor stepped out and opened the back seat door for me. We didn't say anything until he was back in and we were driving. After the Buick had been totaled, I bought an old junker from an old woman who lived a few streets down. It was a rust bucket and was just good enough to get from A to B in.

"How'd it go?" Murphy asked, he looked at me through the rear view mirror. I smiled and pulled my hood back.

"Great. He got me my passport, got those cops on board too." Connor crossed himself and grinned.

"Aye, we'll be lucky if t'ey don' fuck te whole t'ing up. Fuckin' Greenly." Murphy nodded and took a left. I noticed he had a cigarette tucked behind his ear. I leaned forward and plucked it out, motioning to Connor for a light.

"Did he say anyt'ing else about..." Murphy started saying, before swallowing the knot in his throat thinking about their late friend. I chewed my lip and reached up to briefly touch his neck.

"He found a cousin who made sure he was put next to his folks. Got the address." I took the zippo from Connor and took a long draw. "Whenever y'all are ready to see Roc, we'll go." I added, meaning every word. They got quiet and Connor spoke, but I didn't expect what he said.

"When t'is is done, we'll see Roc, but not b'fore t'at Yakavetta fucker is dead." I mulled his words over, finding they made perfect sense. I took a few more puffs off the cigarette before handing it off to our driver.

0o0o0o0o0o

"Where's the gun oil?" I asked as I grabbed a rag from the duffel bag they kept their guns in. Murphy pointed to a long wooden box on the counter. I spotted it and leisurely walked over to flip it open, pulling out the small bottle of Rem Oil. The boy's were eating left overs and having a few beers. I wanted to break my 1911's down. It had been a surprise gift from them. I had shot them a few times, enjoying the weight of them and the recoil. Connor had even made a comment about being jealous of the loving way I handled them.

I picked the double shoulder holster up and brought all my things to the couch with me, worming in between them. Murphy and Connor scooted over, watching me and my stupid grin while I laid everything out onto a towel. I pulled the coffee table as close as it would get to the couch and took a deep breath. I transferred it all over to the table, carefully rearranging the brush and the swabs.

"Ye fuckin' OCD?" Connor teased and I nodded.

"With my weapons, always." My voice was serious as I picked up the first one. Both guns were ambidextrous with a beaver tail safety. With a few pushes and twists, the slide was off and I was laying the springs and pins out on the towel.

"Mar sin, cúram a chleachtadh?(_So, care to practice?_)" Murphy asked, setting down his now empty plate and picking up his beer. I licked my lips, nodding.

"Sea, is gá dom a fhoghlaim.(_Yes, I need to learn._)" I replied, letting the words slip off my tongue with concentration. Murphy grinned and leaned back, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table...careful not to disrupt my operation.

"An bhfuil tú ag fáil níos compordaí le do chuid Gaeilge?(_Are you getting more comfortable with your Irish?_)" Connor asked, studying me. I chewed my lip and paused, eventually making him repeat himself.

"Is féidir, ach tá mé fós ag smaoineamh crua.(_Yes, but I still have to think hard._)" I didn't look at them, keeping my eyes on my beauties. I wiped down the barrel, making sure to get all the metal shavings out and swipe it clean.

"Tá tú ag déanamh go maith, mo ghrá.(_You are doing well, my love._)" Murphy said, leaning over to place a kiss on my exposed shoulder. I felt the warmth work it's way into my face. I was just in my leggings and over sized sweat shirt, I liked the way it showed just a little skin where it hung off one shoulder. Made me feel all girly and cute. Connor made a mumble of agreement and grinned.

"Táimid ag dul a bheith acu chun rúin a choimeád i nGearmáinis anois.(_We're going to have to keep secrets in German now_.)" I shot him a look and set the reassembled gun back in the holster, taking out the other.

"Fuck tú, Connor." I shot back, smiling. His eye brows rose in a suggestive mannor. I huffed up and looked to Murphy. "Tá tú ag dul chun ligean dó proposition dom, Murph?(_You going to let him proposition me, Murph?_)" They both started chuckling and Murphy gave his twin a jokingly stern face.

"Listen 'ere, ye Irish bastard, t'is 'ere is m'woman." He waggled it. "I got te bigger cock, I got te claim." I had to stop what I was doing and burst out laughing. Sweet Jesus. Connor made a talking motion with his hand and rolled his eyes.

"I t'ink ye need te stop beatin' a dead horse, brot'er." I set my stuff down and leaned back, watching the scene unfold. Connor sat up, leaning into my side. "T'ink Ma was a wee bit drunk when she told us t'at shit." Murphy rolled his eyes and tugged me towards him. I giggled and willingly went.

"Na, Ma wouldn' lie ta us. Drunk 'er not." Murphy defended, then looked at me. "What're we gon' ta do wit dis bastaird?(_bastard_)" I scrunched my face and shrugged, before smiling and pulling away to finish with my gun.

"Níl a fhios agam. Beidh mé grá dó, buille faoi thuairim mé.(_I don't know, I will love him I guess_.)" Connor snorted and pulled me in for a kiss, before getting up to get him another beer. I looked at the time, it was nearly midnight and the Macmanus brothers were just getting started. They continued to go back and forth, I just drowned them out so I could wipe down the barrel and get the weapon put back together. Once my task was completed I put them back on the counter next to my rosary and Dad's coffee cup.

I stared at his cup. Still unchanged and sitting there like a religious icon or shrine. I gently touched the handle and thought about the day we put him to rest. And just like the farm, it felt like a million miles away almost. Lord help me, I thought, crossing myself and realized the boys had gone quiet. I peeked over to their direction and sure enough, they were both watching me. I gave them a small grin and grabbed myself a beer, rejoining them on the couch.

"Ye'alrigh'?" Murphy asked as I sat down and sunk in. I twisted the top off my beer, giving him and then Connor a serious look.

"I'm alright, just can't believe how far I have come in sucha little time. I've had so many firsts. Had my first drink, first smoke..." I trailed off, giving up a giggle. I touched Murphy's leg and took a drink. "I had dreaded gettin here, guys. Really, I remember actually how pissed I was knowin' I wouldn't get to go buy a cheap cigar and go smoke it in our old farm truck for my eighteenth..." I grinned and seen them smile, too. I also could see them wondering where this was going to go or where it came from. "I just wanted to drive that old clunker up on the ridge and watch the sun go down, smokin a Black and Mild. Anyways, back on track here.." I took another drink. "Boston gave me what home never could. It gave me you guys. It brought me closer to Dad, then took him away. Took Rocco away." I stopped talking for a minuet to get my mind together.

"Melia.." Connor said, sounding worried, but I smiled.

"I just want y'all to both know I have no regrets. None. I wouldn't trade these months for nothin'." The boy's eyes looked darker than normal, but as if I'd pulled a string they leaned into me. I took a deep breath, smelling the gun oil on me. "Is breá liom tú.(_I love you._)" Connor made a noise and shared one of those weird long looks with his brother. Murphy tilted his head, shooting a quick look to me. I felt that familiar tingle shoot down my spine. I was too caught up on the storm raging in Murphy's eyes. I almost jumped when I felt warm hands sweep my hair to my other shoulder. I tore my eyes from Murph, looking at Connor. As always, he was the same yet polar opposite.

His eyes looked brighter, his lips relaxed and that soft serious expression. If Murphy had a storm in his eyes, Connor's was the lightening. I shivered again, before Connor firmly gripped my arms and pulled me into his lap. I squeaked, causing a low chuckle to roll out of his mouth. He maneuvered me to where I was straddling his lap. Oh boy. I felt my face turning red, once again I have been taken by surprise. The past month and a half has been a roller coaster with them. They were affectionate and possessive with me, but not jealous with one another. My stomach clenched. I was very shy with the physical aspect of our relationship, being still in possession of my V-Card.

My face must have lost all of it's color because the twin in front of me whispered to me in Gaelic.

"Cén fáth a bhfuil tú chomh scanraithe?(_Why are you so scared?_)" I had to wet my lips, feeling my mouth going dry by the predatory look in the dark blonde's eyes. My heart was pounding so hard, sure we'd had little talks about my experiences...more lack thereof. He knew why I was scared. Ass.

"Not scared." I mumbled, seeing Murphy stand and walk up behind me in front of the couch. The dark twin pulled my sweater over, evening out the exposure of both shoulders. I sucked my bottom lip in between my teeth and let out a breathy sigh as Murphy started massaging my neck. Connor didn't want to be shown up, so like the sneaky shit he was, his hands trailed up my thighs and he began kneading my hips.

"T'en why ye always shy'n from us 'Melia?" Murphy asked, his breath washing down my neck and chest. Another shock went through my nerves. His voice sounded deeper than usual, hands taking to slow circles. I blinked a few times, looking at Connor's face. He looked amused, in a devious sort of way. Made me want to disappear into thin air. My stomach muscles clenched.

"Not shyin'." I said in retaliation. I tried to sound serious, but suddenly Connor's finger tips were tracing the waistband on my leggings. Warmth spread through me. My brain was officially shutting down and I was getting close to that breaking point. Ya know the one I am talking about, where you can hear the sirens wailin' and you see the red lights flashing. This is normally where I do find a reason to pull myself out of the situation...but...

"Are we pushin' ye too much?" The concern in Connor's voice made my defenses rise to the surface, instinctually driven to ease his worry. I snapped out of my fog long enough to grab his face.

"No! Why ya think that?" The man shrugged, letting his eyes trail down my throat and into the wide gap between me and the sweater. I resisted the urge to sit back up, but I kept myself there. Let him see me, I need to chill out.

"Ye seem to drift away when we ye know, start tryin' te show ye how much we care..." Murphy finished for his brother, his hands stilling but not retreating. I shivered.

"I do drift off, but not the way y'all think." My cheeks burned and Connor groaned. My eyes widened as he pushed me back a little. Murphy's hands supported me, fingers gently tracing patterns. I was confused, what was Con doing? Then I figured it out. His hands went to the hem of his black tee, slowly peeling it off in one motion. My throat closed. Connor was more muscularly defined than his twin, but they were both equally tantalizing. My mouth went from dry to watering.

"Well t'en, if'n yer jus' nervous...t'en yer welcome ta touch us. Familiarize yerself." I didn't have time to comprehend what he said before Connor grabbed my hands and put them on his chest. My stomach fluttered and heat pooled between my legs. Sweet Jesus. I'll crossed myself later an extra time to makeup for not doing it right now. My hands shook as I gently smoothed them over the planes of his chest, up onto his shoulders. My eyes raked over him, trying to commit EVERYTHING to memory. Yeah I've seen them shirtless countless times...but not like this.

"Aye, take yer time." Murphy whispered into my ear as I seen his shirt fly across the room towards the bedroom door. His warm, moist lips attached themselves to the side of my neck and I shuddered. "But t'er isa price, ár ngrá...(_our love_)"

"Hmm?" I managed to breath out. Connor chuckled, bringing his hands to slide under my sweater and lay flat on my belly.

"Ye gotta lose yer shirt, too." Well..shit. I closed my eyes, chewing my lip and trying to think. "S'only fair, lass." Connor added, letting his finger tips lightly trail down from my sternum to my belly button.

"That's it?" I asked, opening my eyes to look back at Murphy. Man what a mistake. His eyes were nearly black and his lips were barely parted. His lean waist and broad shoulders were looking devilish.

"Aye." He grunted, not hesitating to grab the hem of my sweater. I sighed and lifted my arms, glad I had worn a bra today. As the last of the material left my arms, I jerked at the onslaught of Macmanus hands. Connor wasted no time running his hands from my stomach to my lower back. Murphy ran his hands down my arms, then back up to place small kisses to my shoulder.

I was going to die, and very very happy. They muttered things, but I couldn't comprehend them. I was surrendering to this new feeling. I felt content, and restless...as if I needed everything and nothing at all. Connor's lips trailed along my collar bone and I jerked my hips. His hands shot to my hips, gripping tightly. He went still, along with Murphy. Then he growled, actually growled. My skin broke out into chill bumps.

"Easy." Connor warned, and I nodded. After a moment, he lifted me up and spread his legs. My butt came down on the bit of cushion in front of him. Hands snaked from around me and bent up my legs. Murphy turned me around to face him.

"Wanna see yer face." Murphy mumbled to me, pushing my knees apart so he could get between them. The dark twin lowered himself to his knees, eye level with me. I licked my lips as Con's hands began kneading my back and sides. "Yer so gorgeous when ye blush an' look so..." I had no words to reply with, they'd taken them from me. So instead I reached out and touched the hollow of Murphy's throat, feeling his pulse beating steadily beneath. My hand soon left it's place and wrapped itself in the hair at the base of his skull. I wanted a kiss. He came willingly, pushing his lips into mine. I sighed, opening my mouth to him and letting his hands rest on my thighs as he assaulted me.

While our mouths seemed to clash and coax each other, Connor sat up behind me. I didn't let the movement distract me, but I listened. One of his hands wove it's way into my hair and pulled my mouth away from Murphy's. I gasped at the brief tension of my hair being pulled, but it got muffled as he covered my mouth with his. I was leaned back against his chest now, feeling his muscles flex beneath me. Jesus. One more to 'cross' off later. I moaned into his mouth, gripping the top of Murphy's head as he began kissing his way down my chest and licking the space between my breasts. Again, my hips bucked. Another moan left me when I realized I had just ground myself into Murphy's stomach. He stilled, breathing heavily into my chest.

"Ella está empapada, puedo sentirlo. Tenemos que dejar.(_She's soaked, I can feel it. We need to stop_.)" Murphy said, sounding as if he might break in two. Connor smiled into my mouth and stared into my eyes, his eyes too nearly looked black. For a second he released me, my heart was pounding in my chest and I felt clammy.

"Todavía no, deja que ella nos detenga si ella quiere.(_Not yet, let her stop us if she wants._)" Con licked his lips and leaned down, sucking my bottom lip in between his...gently nibbling. I felt my toes curl, legs bringing Murphy in closer to me. Murphy remained still for a second. I wanted to be consumed. I wanted to run.

"Ella es una droga, sabe a agua bendita.(_She's a drug, tastes like holy water._)" Murphy whispered, before licking the space between my breasts again. I shivered, kissing Connor more passionately. Connor's other hand found my face. I enjoyed the lavish attention these two gave me. I had no idea what they were saying to one another, but I didn't care. They could be talking about terrible things, but as long as they kept that tone to their voice...fuck it.

Murphy readjusted, moving his soft mouth to carefully trail down my belly. My muscles clenched and he placed a gentle bite. My body jerked, Connor swallowed my moan. The hand that had found my face seconds before was going further south until he decided to be bold. His hand cupped my breast and I began trembling. This bra was under wire, but it had no padding. I felt my nipples harden as his warm palm gently rubbed against it. I want to fall apart. I knew I was wet, but I was going to become an embarrassment to myself. This was so much better than the awkward fumbling I did during a shower or in the bath tub. I had never felt my body react this way to myself. It was all them, their mouths and hands.

My chest rose into his palm. Connor growled again, his kiss becoming almost painful. He was shaking too, then he slowly pulled his mouth from mine. His eyes watched his hand knead my breast. My nerves jolted.

"Should we stop?" Murphy's voice distracted me. I looked down, his chin was resting on my hip bone that he'd exposed. When had he done that? Murph was on his hands and knees, my legs spread. I took a deep breath. I guess my inability to respond quickly told him 'no' because his lips found my sensitive flesh and massaged it with his mouth.

"Relax, love." Connor whispered to me, his other hand coming around to begin cupping and palming the my other breast. "We want ye to feel safe wit us. We love ye." I nodded, my eyes glued to Murphy's eyes. He wasn't the cool glass of water he'd been in the past, he was a wolf and he was about to strip me to the bone. Out of my line of sight, Murph's hands slid up the backs of my thighs and gripped my ass. I moaned. Con adjusted behind me and I felt it. He was hard and grinding into my back. I bit my lip.

"See what ye do ta us, ye don't even have ta do nothin' special..." Murphy groaned as his chin pushed my leggings down just a little more. I seen the flash of my pink underwear.

"When ye wake up, hair all crazy as shit." Connor added between squeezes.

"When ye grin up at us, or bend ov'r." The dark twin hissed against my skin as he tugged the leggings down a little more. My body was about to burst into flames.

"Te way ya kiss, not knowin' how beautiful ye are when ye blush.." Connor's mouth found my ear and bit my ear lobe. I bucked my hips, causing my pelvis to come awfully close to Murphy's face. Con chuckled evilly into my ear as his thumbs and index finger's pinched my nipples. I broke. My eyes watered and I felt overwhelmed.

"Oh my god.." I ground out. "You're gonna kill me.." I felt teeth, direct and quick, sink into the area of skin on my thigh close to the juncture where I seemed to be in pain almost. A loud moan/yelp left me and my head shot up, almost glaring at Murphy. He kept his mouth there, I could feel his saliva soaking through it. His eyes challenged me. I felt the fire erupt from me.

"What ye want, Amelia? Want us ta take it away?" I licked my lips and rested my head on Connor's collar bone. Oh god, I wanted it, whatever it was he was offering.

"Is ea.(_Yes._)" I replied in Gaelic. Connor's lips found mine and pulled my attention. His hands had never stopped, driving my nipples to the breaking point with sensitivity.

"We want te touch ye, bare skin." Murphy stated, and to exaggerate his point, he ran his finger across my soaked slit through my leggings. I didn't wait to moan around Con's mouth a stern yes. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus! Within seconds, Connor's hands were snaking into my bra and feeling my skin. He gave an approving grunt, lightly grinding himself into my back. As I relished in the sensation, I felt Murphy pulling down the leggings. He left my panties on though. For once I did wear actual panties, the cute ones, not those ghastly granny things. Boy cut are too hard to keep straight under leggings. I gently pulled from Connor, to look at what Murphy was doing.

He was sitting back on his knees, staring at my covered privates. His eyes glazed over, mouth hanging open. His tongue darted out to lick his lips, before his hand raised to slowly rub me over the material. I gasped. It was electric and Connor had to tighten his grip on me. Murphy's eyes shot to my face, eyes boring into mine. Locking onto mine, he slid the elastic to the side and ran his index finger over my swollen and sensitive clit. Good Lord, save me.

"You're soaked, 'Melia." Murphy moaned, not able to hold back anymore. His lowered himself, using his whole left hand to grip the underwear and keep it out of his way. My breathing was ragged, feeling myself contract over and over out of anticipation. Connor pinched my nipples and tugged them hard, right as Murphy's mouth latched onto my clit. My vision went blurry and I had to cover my mouth. I would wake Noah up if I didn't get it together. I moaned, moving my free hand to weave with Connors as he teased my breasts.

"Ye like what me brother is doin?" Connor asked, huskily. I nodded, heeding Murphy's ques to grind myself into his mouth. The stormy blue's locked with mine. "Not gonna take long, huh?" I shook my head, already feeling the familiar tightening in my lower belly. I had maybe a minuet, I have never been this worked up. "Come fer us, Melia." It was a soft command, but it ricocheted through me and I felt apart.

One of Connors hand's left a breast to cover my mouth as his other one gave my right breast a light slap, my hips jerked up and Murphy's mouth sucked my clit roughly. I shook and jerked, letting them drag me through the torrents of pleasure that left me in tears. Jesus. I heard Connor's ragged breaths in my ear, I felt Murphy's mouth ease to almost feather like caresses. I was coming down from the cloud they sent me to. I felt the tears start to dry up in my eyes. I've never been hit with such a raw intensity before. It had been the sexiest and most amazing, beautiful thing I'd ever experienced. My eyes closed and I turned to jelly, feeling my whole body go limp.

Murphy pulled away, fixing my panties. His warm hands massaged my thighs and calves. Connor gently withdrew his hand from my mouth and breast, righting my bra. As I caught my breath, the embarrassment started hitting me. My eyes opened and I looked to see Murphy staring at me as if he'd found a seashell on a beach. I grinned sheepishly and covered my face, earning a chuckle from the both of them.

"Don' hide from us now." Connor teased, voice still lingering with the undertones of his lust. He pulled my hands down and wrapped his strong arms around me. I smiled, and for the life of me I couldn't stop.

"Sorry, I just...wow." I stated, sounding like such an idiot. I turned brighter red and sighed. "No matter what I say, I can not sound sexy right now." Murphy shook his head and scooted closer, nudging his brother's arms out of the way so he could kiss me. I didn't think nothing about it until I tasted myself there. That was weird, but he acted as if it were the most natural thing in the world. I relaxed, letting him end the kiss with a soft peck.

"Ye don' needta say anyt'ing ta be sexy." Murphy comforted me. I gave him a smile and let my eyes trail down to his obvious hard on. Oh, shit. They were still, ready to go, and I am all mushy and...this! As if he were a psychic, Murphy grinned evilly.

"Don' worry 'bout it. T'is was 'bout ye, not us. Though, next time..." I nodded, fully understanding. Connor was fighting a laugh behind me.

"Just breath, 'Melia. We'll show ye how, just breath." Now Connor laughed, squeezing me and placing gentle kisses to my neck. "I say we git ta bed." I grinned and grabbed Murphy's hand. He hoisted me up, making sure to steady me on my wobbly knees. I felt awkward standing there in nothing but my undies, but the way they looked at me gave me some courage. Connor grabbed my sweater and leggings, using the pants to playfully snap against my butt. I jumped up and ran to the bedroom.

When we all settled in and comfortable, with the boys snoozing softly, I felt my eyes water. After all the hell we'd been through. All the bad odds, unlucky decks and low blows...we had each other. I had my princes and they had me. We'd get through the trial and start new in Ireland, even if only for a little while. We'd farm our asses off and take pleasure in the domestic life. Though, I had worries about them. They seemed to thrive off of their calling. I didn't have a craving to go out and do what I had done only once before. They craved it, like they do a beer after dinner. I pushed it back. We'd get to Yakavetta, they'd kill him, and we'd start over.

**Coldplay - Spies**


	20. So Far Away

**A/N: This one isn't very long. I am amping up for the next two chapters. Hang in there, y'all. :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing BDS. **

_"This is my life, it's not what it was before_  
_All these feelings I've shared_  
_And these are my dreams_  
_That I'd never lived before_  
_Somebody shake me_  
_'Cause I, I must be sleeping"_

Chapter 20 : So Far Away

We had a week left. My stomach was in a constant state of knots. The boys seemed fine, but I was constantly revisiting the plan in my head. Even now, especially right now. The sun had just started peaking over the many buildings of Boston. Usually mornings like this, I would go back to sleep. I'd find solace in the two men in bed with me. But not today, I had too much on my mind. Murphy was spooned into my right side and Connor had his back to me. I yawned, taking a second to look at them. We'd all become accustomed to sleeping topless now, and by we, I mean me. After a few more steamy encounters, just touching and groping, I'd opted just to sleep topless. It felt liberating. They sure as hell weren't complaining.

My hand idly played with the hair at the base of Murphy's neck. These little things soothed me in ways I'd only heard about in books or songs. They really did bring me peace, I know without them I would be something that scared me. I'd be normal and weak. Murphy made a sound that reminded me of a puppy yawning. He didn't wake up, just wrapped his leg around mine tighter. I smiled. Connor on the other hand, he always fell asleep curled up with me, but most mornings we woke up to him facing away. Didn't bother me, he always made a point to get some cuddles before coffee. Good lord, we have routines. We're like an old married couple. I loved it.

My eyes closed for a bit more, just breathing in the air spiked with Macmanus. Yesterday's cologne and the hint of cigarettes worked amazingly on them. I felt sleep start to pull me back down, until my cell phone lit up on the bed side table. I heard it vibrating. Shit! I grunted and carefully untangled myself from Murphy. He made a sound and I ignored it as I barely made it to my phone in time. It was Shannon. I flipped it open.

"Hello?" I asked, wondering why the Irishman would be calling me so early. He cleared his throat and I winced at his loud voice.

"Mornin' lass! Jus' got done talkin wit me lad. Got te boy's passage on te boat." He said brightly, obviously proud of himself. I sighed with relief, I'd been worried about how they were going to get to Ireland. I was going to fly over, Noah had made the comment it might be more beneficial for me to wait a few days before flying over. Needed to let them get settled somewhere safe before I joined them. It had made plenty of sense. Plus, cargo ships weren't a place for women. That's what the boys had said anyways.

"That's awesome!" I said excitedly. Where was my robe? I looked around, finding it on the back of the chair in front of Dad's old work desk. I slipped an arm in and then the other.

"Aye, the guy said it'd take about a week to circle back 'round to Ireland. They'll have te pitch in with a few t'ings while on board, but it's a raw deal." I nodded to myself, tying the sash around my waist and trying to quietly get out to the kitchen.

"Indeed it is, this is great news. How much do I owe you and this gentleman?" I spoke sweetly, gladly willing to throw down whatever he said. Shannon snorted and laughed lightly.

"Lass, t'ere is no charge. T'ose boys are heroes and yer an angel, t'ere is no charge. No worries." I stopped for a moment, touched beyond words. I took a deep breath.

"That is incredibly nice. This means a lot to me and them. But, in the future if you ever need anything I can help with...please just ask." I promised, this was a favor I would be happy to repay someday. Shannon agreed and after another round of thank yous, we hung up. My first task was to make coffee. I had become more than addicted to the hot substance, I needed it. I'd probably shoot it up if I could. I flicked on the cabinet light and stretched before getting the pot going. The creak of a door told me to get another cup down.

"Mornin' Noah." I called behind me, not bothering to look. I couldn't hear his footsteps, but I knew he was sitting at the counter.

"Aye." He replied, voice rough from sleep. I smiled to myself, there was a lot of similarities between him and the boys. It's amazing he's been absent nearly their whole life and they are so like him. "Yer up early, did ye sleep alrigh'?" I nodded, pouring me and him some coffee. I turned around and handed him his cup. Watching my robe, I carefully slid on to the stool and took a sip from mine.

"Slept mé go maith, ach tá a lán le déanamh.(_I slept just fine, just have a lot to do._)" I met his eyes for a moment, seeing his mother tongue so early in the morning making him grin.

"Féach ar tú, post iontach déanta agat ag foghlaim. Bródúil as tú, cailín.(_Look at you, amazing job you have done learning. Proud of you, girl._)" I grinned and pushed my unruly morning hair out of my eyes.

"Well, I am gonna be needin' it so...I want to make sure I don't stick out too much." Noah rose his cup to me, eyes lingering on my face and shaking his head.

"Ye will alr'dy stick out 'nough. Ye don't look Irish atall 'cept fer yer hair. An t'ats iffy even." I gave him a chuckle and took another sip, getting serious.

"Shannon called, he got y'all places on the McCalahan. Said it would take about a week to circle back to Ireland, and it's free." Noah grunted and dug out a cigar, lighting it.

"S'nice of em."

I chewed my bottom lip, trying to think of ways to keep the conversation going. Sure me and the old man got along, and I was sure he liked me well enough. But, Noah was not a conversationalist. I sighed, giving up and letting the silence surround us. Before too long, I excused myself to shower and got ready for the day. It was chilly today, so I opted for my flannel and jeans. No make up, bun in my hair, more coffee.

The boys didn't crawl outta bed until around ten. When they came out of the bedroom, it was a sight. Hair stuck up all over the place, jeans haphazardly thrown on and eyes squinted from the sun coming in through the windows.

"Lord in heaven, why's it gotta be so fuckin' BRIGHT?" Connor grumbled, blinking around looking for me. I waved from the window, kicking off the wall to go and greet them. The dark blonde groaned and buried his head in my neck, mumbling about going back to bed and needing coffee.

"I'll warm you both up a cup. Gimme a minuet." I leaned up and gave each brother a peck on the lips. They reminded me of children some mornings, groaning and squinting.

"Yer an angel, lass. God bless ye." Murphy whispered to me before I gave him a smile and set to work getting them coffee. They got their showers and dressed for the day after I got some coffee in them. It was just like any other day. We ate, practiced my language skills and went over more details about the trial. Mostly boring.

But when 9 pm rolled around, the men got their coats on and announced they were going to go to McGinty's for a 'lads night'. I had been put out at first, but Murphy had been quick to sweep in and explain the need for some 'man' time. I conceded to the idea, knowing he was right and didn't pout as they walked out the door. But to say I didn't stand there and stare at the door for at least 5 minuets...well, that would be a bold faced lie. When they were gone, I felt uncomfortable. My anxiety would flare and I decided to clean.

I picked up the living room, swept and mopped, cleaned the bathroom and was getting started on the kitchen when I heard an alarm go off in a car down the street. I jumped. It was dead quiet in the apartment, aside from the outside noises. I went over to the windows to investigate, relieved to see it was just some drunk stumbling down the alley. None the less, I loaded one of my 1911's and set it on the counter. With that comfort, I went about my business. Once the kitchen was done and dishes were put away, I glanced at the clock. They had been gone for a few hours now. I chewed my bottom lip. Damn.

With more time, I had drifted to the papers and box of stuff on the coffee table. It had paper clippings about Yakavetta, the local gang scene and things from the folder Smecker had given me after Dad died. I flipped through things, eyes scanning black words and feeling the gravity of our situation weighing down on me. For comfort, I touched the rosary around my neck. I never took it off now. It was a constant reminder of who we were. Who I was now. With faith and loyalty. I rubbed my thumb on the back of the cross barely feeling the etched letters.

Murphy and Connor were looking forward to returning to Ireland, I'm sure Noah was too. I didn't really care where we went as long as it was with them. I sighed, re-organizing the important stuff from the rest. My passport, billing information and the land lords contact information. I was going to start taking stuff over to McGinty's for storage tomorrow. Doc had said he'd keep thing's safe for me. I can't ship it home, Mom would know something was up. Well, she'd know something was going on soon enough. I didn't want to rush it though. My heart hurt for my mother. My face fell thinking about what she'd say to me for taking someone's life. For conspiring. For fleeing.

My eyes misted over, I would miss her terribly. My heart hurt. I was grateful she had that new boyfriend to keep her company, she'd need someone when I was off the grid. But, I promised myself I would call her the moment we got some where safe. My passport said Amelia Leah McLaughlin. Fake and untrue. But it was who I was going to have to become. Quickly I wiped my eyes and put the lid on the box. I moved it into our bedroom and laid out some duffel bags and two suitcases. I'd need to start packing tomorrow too. I'd need to figure out what to take and what to leave here. There was just so much to do, it left me exhausted and kind of moody. I hated being moody, and I am sure the boys being gone contributed to that.

The apartment would be a memory someday and I will disappear for a short time. We all would. It would be for the best though. I agreed with Con and Murph, but I would miss this. Terribly. When I was exhausted from cleaning and scowering the apartment, I got comfy on the couch and turned the TV on. The toupee guy was on, talking to some celebrity about their latest action movie. I rolled my eyes, amateurs. Then when the picture started fading away, I gladly welcomed sleep and drifted off.

When I woke up, I was in bed. I blinked and couldn't see anything for the darkness. I yawned and sat up, not remembering how on earth I had gotten to bed. My clothes had been taken off of me, just left in my underwear. The bedroom door was shut, but I could see the light pouring in from the door frame. As if they had sensed me wake, I heard footsteps and laid back down. Connor and Murphy were talking, mostly whispering between them. They didn't sound happy. I frowned wondering what could have them upset. Carefully, I made myself look natural and closed my eyes. Soon enough the door eased open and the brother's came in.

They got quiet, only able to hear them toeing off their shoes and unbuckling their belts. One of them shut the bedroom door. I focused on staying relaxed and palpable. Dead weight. When the bed shifted I knew it was Connor because he eased himself down to my left. Murphy came in seconds after, laying on my right. I felt my pulse jump when Connor's nose trailed down my throat. He paused to kiss my shoulder and add another to my lips. With a quiet grunt, he readjusted and snuggled into me. Murphy too kissed my lips and then my forehead, rolling towards me and wrapping his leg around mine.

"Yo no creo que pueda hacerlo.(_I don't think I can do it._)" Murphy whispered. His voice sounded distant and so sad, his voice might have even cracked. His grip on my hip tightened and his nose soon buried itself in my hair. I fought the urge to reach for him, show comfort for whatever was bothering him. Connor reacted, he reached across me and gripped his brother's arm. I felt Murphy's breath stop, and a tremor move through him.

"No tenemos otra opción. Es para ella, no nosotros. Eso es lo que sigo recordándome a mí mismo.(_We don't have a choice. It's for her, not us. That's what I keep reminding myself._)" Connor's voice sounded more sure, like he was trying to sooth Murphy. He too was shaking, but barely. I wish they weren't speaking Spanish. I avoided the urge to sigh and wrap them both into me. But as Murphy nodded and mumbled something else, I got the feeling that whatever it was it was not good. My stomach tightened and I was getting worried.

That night they both hung on a little tighter to me as they slept.

I didn't sleep. That sixth sense my Mom had always told me I had was itching. A familiar tingle in my brain kept me from keeping my eyes closed. Close to dawn, I just got back up and went to the couch. I sat in the middle, robe around me and eyes glued to the windows. My throat felt tight with worry. The future had me scared. Eventually, I rose and grabbed the throw blanket from the recliner. I situated myself back onto the couch and let myself go back to sleep as the sun started to rise over South Boston.

**Staind- So Far Away**


	21. Bullets

**A/N: AHHH! This is IT! *paints face with war paint* Hope it lives up to expectations.  
I have been looking forward to this chapter SO much. Thanks to AliceFan01 for being a buddy and  
keeping me engaged and excited. Hugs!**

**WARNING: Graphic Sexual contents...psht who am I kidding? You kinky bastards love it. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing BDS. **

_"I feel forces all around me_  
_Come on raise your head_  
_Those who hide behind the shadows_  
_Live with all that's dead_  
_Look at me... look at me_  
_At least look at me when you shoot a bullet through my head_  
_Through my head_  
_Through my head_  
_Through my head"_

Chapter 21: Bullets

"C'mere, 'Melia." Connor gestured to me from the bed. His face was concerned and Murphy gave me a little shove, encouraging me to move. I took a step and then another. Within a second I was being wrapped up in strong arms. "S'will be alrigh'. Ye'll see." He reassured me. All day I have been on edge, knowing tomorrow morning would change so many things. I took a deep breath, letting the warmth of Connor knock off the chill of worry.

"I know, líne saol, but I still worry. Can't help it." I mumbled back. Connor took a deep breath and hoisted me into the bed. I didn't make any noise, just willingly went. Murphy soon joined us and I was enveloped in Macmanus. I stretched my naked legs out, trying to tug my over sized night shirt down to cover my panties. Murphy stilled my hand, then lifted it to his lips to kiss it. My stomach tightened and I gave them a sad smile. The past week had been busy and very disorienting. Since 'boys night', Connor and Murphy were very confusing. One day they were clingy almost, the next they were distant and quiet. Today happened to be the first balanced day. "I'm just stressed, I reckon. I got everythin' taken of, I dont know what's wrong with me." I told them, trying to sound as if that was the truth. I mean I wasn't lying...but I didn't want to add more to their plates.

"Aye, everyt'ing is done. Ye need to taka breath, love." Murphy told me, kissing my hand again. My eyes found the skin he'd kissed, feeling the tingles weave themselves into my heart. I seen the little scars from where I'd cut them up my night in Yakavetta's hold. I shivered. My hand tightened on Murphy's, pulling him in closer.

"Nerves?" Connor asked from my left. I sighed and nodded, turning my eyes to him. The dark blonde kissed my forehead and we laid in silence for a few minuets. I guess we three had a lot on our minds. It was weighing us down. Another reason I was stressed and ready to just scream at any moment was tonight was the last night I had with them for at least a week and a half. We'd get up, I'll call Smecker and tell him when to meet us at the courthouse. He'll let us in, Greenly and the boys will keep an eye out for us while the boys take care of Yakavetta. I will be seated already, happy to witness. Then afterwards, the boy's will cut out the back and I will go out the front door. We'll meet at McGinty's directly after and Shaun will run them to the docks come night fall. My stomach knotted.

"I am goin' to miss y'all is all. Not so much nervous, just know you're leavin' and it kills me." My voice wavered but I swallowed and took a deep breath. "But, it'll make our reunion even better." My recovery seemed to leave them quiet again, holding me tighter. My heart shivered. Before I could think too much into it, I inhaled sharply and grabbed Murphy. He went rigid for a split second before letting me press my lips firmly into his. I ran my right hand up into his hair before gripping it. He grunted and adjusted his leg to wrap around my right leg. My free hand snaked out and found Connor's shirt. I gave a firm tug and he brought himself in, wrapping around my left leg. I sighed happily, feeling his hand trail up and down my stomach over my shirt.

"Need to touch you." I grunted, pulling away from Murphy's mouth to speak. I licked my lips, motioning to their clothes. They shared a serious look, and got off the bed to undress. When they were down to their boxers I decided to shut my brain off. I didn't want to think too much tonight. I wanted them. Their eyes were getting that familiar darkness to them, but there was a new sense of awareness there. One I'd never seen before, and it made the itching in my brain flair up for a moment. No, Amelia. Not now. I followed their lead and slid off the bed. I faced Murphy and let Connor pull my shirt from me. I felt my cheeks warming and without qualm from them, I pushed my panties down and kicked them to the side.

"We'll nev'r get tired of seein' ye naked, love." Connor murmured, leaning down to kiss my neck and run his hands down my sides. I shivered, looking up into Murphy's eyes. He lifted his hands to my face, meeting me in a kiss.

"Should we..?" He asked against my lips. I took a moment to think. Did I want to finally see them fully naked? Yes. Most definitely. I nodded and reached over to turn the lamp off, knowing there was plenty of light from outside to see. Carefully, I turned and made sure to keep my eyes up. I heard them move, then heard the bed shift. My eyes were adjusting, then I seen them. In their usual spots, laying so still. I took a deep breath, trying to muster the will to move. When I did start moving, Murphy helped me get to the middle so I wasn't bumping anything.

"What ye want, 'Melia?" Connor asked once I was settled between them. His voice had taken on the deeper tones of the mood shift in the room. I wanted them, but I wasn't sure if I was ready to actually have sex yet. But I did want to have the freedom to touch and get the intimacy I felt desperate for. It would be my last chance before tomorrow, before we were separated for a little stint. My heart broke quietly in my chest just thinking about it.

"Just to touch, feel you both close. I already miss you." I whispered into the darkness. Murphy didn't waste any time touching me. His hand touched my right thigh, kneading and scraping his short nails against my sensitive skin. I shivered, my stomach loosening to re tighten.

"We miss ye too..." Murphy replied, his hand becoming more firm. Connor moved a little, and I gasped when his mouth found my left nipple. I felt his warm tongue flicking and massaging, sending an electric jolt to my center. My toes curled. Murph's mouth found mine as I eagerly opened for him. He tasted like mint from our tooth paste and it was pleasant. It had a sweet after taste on my tongue. My body trembled as Connor's mouth detached from my breast with a pop.

"Gonna miss ye ev'ry second." Connor added, running his hands up and down my body. I made a strangled noise when I felt fingers gently getting closer and closer to my privates. Without much thought, I angled my hips and spread my legs a little. Connor made one of those noises he did when he was happy about something, then I felt his callused fingers slowly spreading me apart. Murphy pulled away, wanting to watch me. I bit my bottom lip when I felt Con's fingers gently pinch and tug my labia. I moaned, reaching out for Murphy. His hand caught mine, guiding me to his hardness. My skin caught on fire.

"Do ye mind?" Murphy asked me and I quickly shook my head. No, I wanted to touch and be closer. It was hot velvet, hard and pulsing beneath my palm. Murphy set a pace for me, keeping his hand around mine. My eyes watched my hand on the dark twin, occasionally looking at his face as his eyes drifted shut. I was engrossed in touching Murphy until I felt a Connor putting pressure on me. I looked down and seen Connor on his knees, withdrawing his hand from me. He brought his finger to his mouth, licking it and spitting on it. I licked my lips. Teasingly, Con prodded his finger at my entrance before letting it slowly stretch me and sink into me. I moaned, gripping Murphy harder. Murph shuddered.

"Keep doin' that, she loves it." Murphy growled, now letting my hand go. I was trying to focus on Murphy and not just Connor's finger slowly stretching me. I swore I could feel every ripple of his finger print as he withdrew and delved in again. My back arched as he started circling my clit and bent his finger up inside me.

"Shit.." I ground out, stroking Murphy more firmly, matching Connor's strokes. I felt Connor shift and I opened my eyes. He spit on his other hand, stroking himself as he entered me with his finger again. I grunted, rolling my hips. When I felt more pressure, I guessed he was adding another finger.

"Aye, yer so tight." Connor told me, voice seeming strained. I had to giggle, of course I was. Hello, virgin here. Blushing and everything. Murphy seen me and gave a light chuckle too. This was why I loved them, there was a level of comfortability I couldn't explain. But I was quickly pulled back to the present when Murphy groaned. It sounded desperate.

"'M not gonna las' long.." He mumbled, one of his hands fisting in my hair. I felt my stomach flutter with nerves, I'd never seen them get off. Excitement replaced the anxiety and I slowly sped up. I looked up at Murphy as his stomach started clenching and his hand pulled more firmly on my hair. "S'close..." I bit my bottom lip, fighting the urge to close my eyes. Connor was doing magical things to me and I was starting to shake. Connor was speeding up as well, his heavy breathing telling me he probably didn't have much longer either.

"Jesus..." Connor grunted before I felt his fingers stop, and that set off a chain reaction. Seconds later Murphy came and it was definitely fascinating. His eyes went shut and his mouth was slightly open. He looked beautiful. He stilled my hand, letting out a breathless laugh.

"Sensitive.." Murphy said, I gently let him go. It was almost amusing watching him jerk with the soft sensation of my fingers letting him go. I grinned despite myself. I took a deep breath and looked down to Connor. He was catching his breath, looking around for something to wipe himself on. I needed to wipe my hand off as well. My cheeks burned.

"Grab my dirty shirt on the ground, I'll throw it in the washer tomorrow." Connor nodded and quickly stood, wiping his hands off and brought it back. I went to reach for it but he started wiping off my leg. I grinned and he actually looked sheepish. Murphy was nestled into the bed and trying to pull me into him.

"Con's always been'a messy sorta prick." He chuckled and Connor told him to fuck off. I just smiled, enjoying the feeling of being close to my boys. Glad they could get off and enjoy themselves. When he was done with my shirt I wiped my hands off and tossed it into the floor. Connor remained at the end of the bed and I patted the bed next to me. The dark blonde twin chuckled but shook his head.

"Oh no, love. Yer turn."

* * *

Morning came way too soon. Even though I had everything laid out and ready to go, I wasn't ready. I stood in the kitchen and watched Murph and Con get their duffels ready. Noah was very quiet, only giving me a short greeting over coffee. I had already called Smecker, we had an hour to get to the courthouse. I was wearing my faded blue jeans, a black muscle shirt and my 'work boots' the boys had gotten for me. Good ol' steel toes. I had braided my hair off to the side and tucked my rosary into my sports bra. I felt comfortable and confident. But despite the fact I needed to put my game face on, I felt like each breath I took broke my heart. When we'd woke up this morning, Connor and Murphy were immediately on their feet. No cuddles really, just lingering kisses and straight to the coffee.

Couldn't really blame them though, today was momentous. They were going to put down one of the most dangerous men in Boston's history down. It made me proud and I couldn't wait to see the light leave Yakavetta's eyes. I was sure he'd spot me as soon as he got on stand, but I didn't give a shit. I want him to see me, I want to be his Angel of Death. A one last ominous sight. He'd burn. I heard the boy's drop their duffels on the floor and I blinked, coming back to the present. They had on the usual, sunglasses on top of their heads. Noah was also in his gear, it looked menacing compared to the boys. I chewed my lip and watched the three of them seamlessly workin around each other. They didn't need words. It was amazing.

"C'mon boys." I suddenly said. They all stopped and turned to look at me. I grinned and pulled four shot glasses out of the cabinet. I reached over and grabbed the Jameson off the counter. They came close and I topped each glass off. I felt my heart beating in my chest and raised my glass, taking a second to look at each set of blue eyes. I cleared my throat and remembered the Irish Blessing my Dad used to say at our dinners as a child. "Deep peace of the running wave to you, deep peace of the flowing air to you. Deep peace of the quiet earth to you, deep peace of the shining stars to you. Deep peace of the Son of Peace to you." I gave them a small smile before I finally added two more things. "Under the shelter of each other, people survive. I love you so much." Murphy and Connor looked at me and gave me the sweetest of smiles. Noah even smiled. We clinked glasses and downed them.

"T'at was ever an Irish toast if'n I ever 'eard one lil Amelia." Noah commented, patting me on the shoulder. "Time ta leave, meet ye in te car." I sighed and set the glass down before grabbing my Dad's old .380 in the drawer. I wasn't going to be taking any shots today, but I wanted to feel safe. My 1911's would be a little excessive. Noah was the first to grab two bags and get out of the door. Connor and Murphy lingered with me for a moment. I felt my stomach knotting and my brain tingling. Murphy was the first to wrap me in a huge hug. I closed my eyes and held on tight. His heart was steady against my ear as I took in everything about this moment.

"I love you." I said into his chest. His grip tightened and he exhaled. He picked me up off my feet and buried his face into my hair. My heart squeezed. "I love you so much." I added, something in me wanted to make sure he knew this for his trip to Ireland. "I feel like two parts of me are being torn away. Please be safe." Murphy made a strangled noise in his throat and set me down. His callused hands framed my face and his eyes bored into mine. The storms were raging and there were shadows I didn't understand in them. I felt my eyes water.

"Amelia Leanna, I love ye more t'an I ever tho't possible. No matter wha, 'member?" I felt my throat close and he gave me a smile. "It'll be arigh' love. Ye'll see. With faith a loyalty, ne'vr ferget." I sniffled and nodded, letting him bring me in tightly and kiss me with such an intensity I thought he might be sucking the air right out of me. He suddenly pulled away and picked up his duffel. He gave me one last lingering kiss and headed out the door. I watch him leave, seeing him bring his sleeve up to wipe his eyes before he slid his glasses down. My attention went to Connor, he was staring at the floor.

"Connor.." I said softly, feeling my voice break. With a second he was enveloping me and I held onto him just as tight. "I love you, hun." I whimpered, he nodded and made a noise I couldn't understand. My stomach bottomed out and I pulled him down to meet my mouth. True to his nature, he devoured my mouth and left my knees a little weak. After a solid minuet he pulled away and also cradled my face.

"I love ye too. Yer somet'ing I always wanted but ne'vr had, 'Melia. Now I got ye. We love ye so much, I am goin' ta miss ye." I forced a smile for him and wiped my cheeks, seeing he was struggling to hold back a tear or two himself. My Saints were tough as nails, but they loved so deeply and wholly. They'd shed their fair of tears for me, too.

"It's only for a week or so. We'll see each other soon. Promise." I said, trying to comfort him. Connor blinked and smiled. His bright lightening eyes seemed a little dimmer, also cast within shadows. That itchy feeling hit me again, but I shook it off. No time for paranoia right now.

"Aye, jus' gonna feel lika life time." He mumbled before kissing me again and clearing his throat. "Da's waitin'." I sighed and grabbed my one of his duffels for him. I took another look over the apartment before following him out and locking the door behind me.

* * *

We'd split up at the police station, Smecker had called last minuet and said maybe it would be better for Greenly to drive the boy's over in an armored detainee truck. It would be beyond beneath the radar and I had immediately been on board. I didn't want them even having a chance of being seen before the job was done. Me on the other hand, I rode to the courthouse with Smecker. We walked through the front door, armed and ready. All it took was a flash of his badge. The security guard didn't take a second look at me. Whew.

"It's going to be at the top of the stairs and to the left. You'll find it." He whispered to me as we reached the bottom of the stairs. I felt my stomach churning with nerves, knowing I'd see that fucker again. The weak part of me shook, but the woman in me cackled. I would see him put down today. Smecker touched my arm and squeezed. "Meet me out back when it's done. Take the cruiser to McGinty's and wait for them there. I'll be behind shortly to get the car." I swallowed and nodded, making my way quickly up the stairs. The boys would be along any second now.

My heart hammered in my chest as I rounded the left corner and I heard the distinguished voice of Papa Yakavetta. Anger and anxiety streaked it's way through my body. I felt the familiar electricity course through me as thunder boomed in my ears. I quietly grabbed the door knob on the cracked wooden double doors. I entered and carefully closed them behind me, locking the doors. My pulse was hammering and I began descending the steps to the ground floor. My eyes found the son of a bitch on the stand, smiling a motioning up to the upper deck. I felt my face set into a sneer almost. I took another few steps and knew I was well within sight. The judge was speaking but I wasn't listening.

"I was uh, with my Mother at the macellaio, uh the butcher. Thursdays she makes dinner.." The slight commotion above me drew my eyes and I seen the older woman in a green shirt and glasses blowing him kisses. I snarled to myself, disgusted. She was evil too, allowing her son to use her as a cover. His whole family was evil and disgusting. But his family wasn't my concern right now, Papa Joe Yakavetta was the reason I was here. The judge reprimanded the outburst and Yakavetta cleared his throat.

"Mr. Yakavetta, you will demonstrate order in my courtroom! Now please, proceed." The black man stated. I let my eyes bore into Yakavetta's. Within seconds his eyes found me, standing amoungst the reporters and families of his victims. His dark eyes widened and I felt the corner of my mouth turn up. My blood boiled and I felt the shock course through my system. The color slowly drained from his face. He reached up to loosen his tie, but he never got the chance. A loud slamming pulled everyone's attention away and I seen the boys and Noah spill into the courtroom. Time seemed to slow some as I watched them. Their faces were ashen and gravely serious. My spine tingled.

People started to yell and scream, everyone around me hit the ground as Murphy and Connor started barking for the guards and officers to drop their weapons. Noah growled and demanded people put down their cameras. I remained on my feet, eyes locked on Yakavetta as Noah began to address the room.

"Ye people have been chosen to reveal our existence to te world! You will witness what happens 'ere today and ye will tell of it later." He paused, keeping his grip on his shot gun. His eyes met mine and he nodded. "All eyes to te front."

I ignored the frightened people around me and grasped the banister, lifting and throwing myself over. I landed on my feet and came to stand between the boys before they themselves hoisted themselves up onto the desks to aim their guns and speak. Murphy and Connor gave me questions glances, knowing I was deviating from the plan. I didn't care though, no way was I sitting back and not having a part of this. My father's blood was on his hands. Rocco's blood. Many others as well. The calling was driving me forward to take a part in his last moments. Then the boy's bagan to make an address of their own. Murphy started.

"We do na' ask for yer poor or hungry."

"We do na' want yer tired 'r sick."

"It's yer corrupt we claim."

"It is yer evil that shall be had by us."

"Wit' ev'ry breath we shall hunt 'em down."

"Each day we shall spill t'er blood until it rains down from te sky."

"Do na' kill, do na' rape, do na' steal...t'ese are principles which ev'ry man of ev'ry faith can embrace."

I was momentarily mystified by the conviction in their voices. Never had I seen this side of them. Righteous and giving into their calling. My body thrummed with pride.

"T'ese are na' polite suggestions, t'ese are codes of behavior. And those of ye who ignore t'ese will pay te dearest of costs."

"T'ere are varying degrees of evil, we advise ye lesser forms of filth not ta push te bounds an' cross over to true corruption. Inta our domain."

"But if ye do, one day ye will look behind ye and ye will see we t'ree. And on that day, ye will REAP IT!"

"And we will send you te whichever God ye wish."

Murphy finished and they jumped down. I moved forward by only a few steps. Connor gave me an intense look, I could see him in there but the man before me was the Saint. Not my lover, but the killer. I nodded in acknowledgment. The killer nodded back. Murphy drug Yakavetta from the stand and threw him down. He landed before me, only to be yanked up onto his knees. I shivered. My eyes bored into his and I heard the roar of thunder. His brow was sweaty, his body trembling. His eyes cast up, calling for help from his family. I drew my hand and punched him hard. He grunted and I never took my eyes from him. I took to one knee, drawing out my rosary and getting on his level.

"May God have mercy on your soul, you worthless piece of shit, because I know we don't. I do not wish you any mercy or any reprieve from the suffering that awaits you." I hissed, making a cross motion in front of his face. "Lucifer himself will finda kindred spirit within you. I hope you drown in the blood of the innocent and weak you have prayed on all these years." I paused one last time, raising to my feet again. "Bruciare all'inferno.(_Burn in hell._)" His eyes rimmed with tears and shock. I took a side step to get out of the way. Connor and Murphy stood on either side of Noah, guns drawn. In unison they started speaking.

"And shepards we shall be, for thee my Lord for thee. Power hath descended forth from thy hand, that our feet may swiftly carry out thy command. We shall flow a river forth to thee, and teeming with souls it shall ever be." I took another step back, pulling my eyes from the Irishmen back to Yakavetta's face. His eyes were wet with fear and they were stuck to mine. The sound of guns being cocked made me shiver.

"In nomine patri.."

"Et felie.."

"Spiritus sancti."

I didn't blink, I didn't flinch. The gunshots were swift justice. I exhaled the breath I'd been holding when I seen the spray of red. His body wavered on his knees for a moment, before falling forward. I remained still, watching his blood seep into the carpet and slowly soak its way to the soles of my boots. A bit had splashed onto them when his body hit the ground. I crossed myself and then felt firm hands grab me. Slowly, I came back to myself and realized I was surrounded by screaming people. Murphy and Connor were dragging me away. I took a deep breath and followed them out of the room. We didn't say anything. I was too wrapped up in feeling the after effects of justice wrought.

When the sunlight hit my face, Murphy and Connor turned me to face them. They were back to themselves, my líne saol.

"Ye need ta take te car te McGinty's and wait fer us t'ere love. Won't be long." Connor said, sounding so sure and resolute. I nodded and pulled him in for a quick kiss. I smiled, then grabbed one from Murphy too. I felt my soul lighten. These men, my everything. They gave my father and their best friend justice. Murphy held on for a longer second until Smecker called my name.

"C'mon kid! Time to go!" Smecker looked frantic, and I understood why. I nodded and swallowed the lump in my throat. I turned back to the boys and sighed, touching their faces quickly.

"Thank you. I love y'all and I'll see you here shortly." They nodded and opened the cruiser door for me. Smecker caught up to us and tossed me the keys. I felt my adrenaline pumping hard as I turned the key over and looked out my window. Connor and Murphy were watching me, giving me a look I didn't understand. I nodded and they each mouthed 'I love you's'. Smecker hit the side of the car and I took off.

****Creed - Bullets ****


	22. Delicate

**A/N: This is the end of Part 1 folks. But! Do not fret, Part two will be coming up VERY soon. **  
**(As in tomorrow when I wake up and I get stuff done, I will be starting it.)**  
**I really hope you all have enjoyed this and won't be TOO pissed with me to read Part 2.  
I'll update this story to let you all know when it's up here shortly.  
I love you all, and thank you for hangin' in with me. :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing BDS.**

_"We might kiss when we are alone_  
_When nobody's watching_  
_I might take ya home_  
_We might make out when nobody's there_  
_It's not that we're scared_  
_It's just that it's delicate_

_So why do you fill my sorrow_  
_With the words you've borrowed_  
_From the only place you've known_  
_And why do you sing Hallelujah_  
_If it means nothing to you_  
_Why do you sing with me at all?_

_We might live like never before_  
_When there's nothing to give_  
_Well how can we ask for more_  
_We might make love in some sacred place_  
_The look on your face is delicate"_

Chapter 22: Delicate

When I pulled into McGinty's, Doc was already inside and waiting on me. His nerves had him all excited, barely being able to get any words in between swears and stutters. I let him rush me in and sit me down at the bar. My hands were starting to calm as I gladly accepted the shot of whiskey.

"And now we wait." I told him, raising the small glass and knocking it back. Doc glanced up at the clock, my eyes followed. It wasn't even noon yet.

"S-sure t'ey'll be along..sh-sh-SHIT! Shortly." His thick glasses were slightly dirty as he blinked behind them. I nodded, knowing they'd be getting here soon. I would be happy to have a drink with them, thank them again, kiss them. I wanted to see them off onto the McCalahan, make sure they boarded safely. I frowned, damn I was going to miss the hell out of them until I flew out to Ireland.

"Yep, don't have to be at the docks till 8 Shannon said. He's supposed to meet us here to take us. He'll get us past security and check in." I recited to the old man. Doc nodded and sat down in the seat beside me. He unbuttoned the top button on his white shirt. He seemed a bit sweaty, it was a bit warm in here. I took a deep breath and chewed my lower lip, ignoring the urge to pour me another shot.

"Got'it all figured out, eh?" Doc stated. I gave him a small smile and shrugged.

"Yessir. This is important." My hands idly tapped on the shot glass and I decided for one more. I shot that one back and topped another glass off for Doc. We clinked glasses and I eyed him carefully. "You alright?" The old man's hand brought the glass to the counter and he pulled his glasses off to clean them finally.

"Aye, lass. Jus' worried about ye. Know ye l-l-love te boys. Know t'ey love ye, too. Jus'..." I felt my heart swell in my chest.

"I worry about you too, Doc. You've been good to me. You're like a surrogate father of sorts. I love you, I hope you know that." I waited until he was done, not missing the red cheeks he was now sporting. He was struggling with words and I almost was able to count down until his next out burst. 5...4...3...2...

"FUCK! ASS!" I grinned and chuckled as he recovered. "I love ye too, girl. Ye'll always hava home 'ere. Jus' in case." The old man looked at me, blinking behind his thick glasses. I took a deep breath and pulled him into a tight hug. I would miss him.

* * *

When 4 pm rolled around, I had started to get worried. Smecker had already dropped by to get the cruiser. My stomach was knotted and I even tried calling Shannon, seeing if he'd heard anything from the boys. But there hadn't been any answer. I had taken to pacing the floors and I felt that itchy feeling again. I'd been trying to push it down, have full faith in the boys. They'd be here. I'd see them off. Maybe they ran into some trouble or had to lay low for a little bit. Too many maybe's for my liking. I licked my lips and I could see Doc wasn't any happier than I was. He too was on edge.

At 5 I was back on the phone again, even called Smecker to see if he'd heard anything. Sure enough he hadn't. Shannon still wasn't picking up and I was starting to get a bad feeling. When Shaun had showed up to start help Doc open up the bar, he let me borrow his truck. I took it down all roads, circling anywhere they could be. I went back to the apartment, it was just as we'd left it. I left there feeling more queasy. Where the hell were they? I found my way to The Green Isle and seen the pub was shut down for the day. I knocked anyways, no answer. Not knowing what else to do, I drove back to McGinty's and parked.

When 7 struck and patrons started piling in after work, I secluded myself to the old booth. I nursed a tall cold Guinness. C'mon guys, I kept repeating to myself. Where are you? That itching had turned into a pounding. My heart was slowly breaking and worry kept my mind foggy. I would look over to Doc, and he'd shake his head. They hadn't called either. I took a gulp of my beer and bummed a smoke off someone who walked past me.

When 9 pm came, I was in tears. Shaun had came over and tried to talk me into letting him take me home. Of course I'd refused, not about to leave until I see them of hear from them. I knew I sounded like a pouting child, but I didn't give a shit. I was still refusing to give up on them. With faith and loyalty, right? And I sat there, in that booth waiting.

Doc called for last call at 4, and I was quiet. Through blurry eyes I watched one by one as people left for home. Shaun had given up trying to talk to me, I don't blame him. I just sat there, staring at random things. My heart was breaking over and over again with every beat. I wiped my cheeks. The McCalahan left port 4 hours ago. I knew the boys were on that ship, they had no other choice but to be aboard. But, why hadn't they come to me before? Why hadn't Shannon answered my calls, or returned them for that matter? The pounding in my head was almost unbearable. Something just didn't feel right, but I was trying to still have faith. A million things could have happened.

As Doc was cleaning up and Shaun was about to force me out the door, Shannon came in. He looked tired and he had a busted lip. I shot up out of the booth and stood still, unable to speak when his eyes found me. He nodded to Doc and Shaun, saying a quick hello. The tall Irishman came over to me and took his hat off, tucking it under his arm. The tough man looked worried and fairly upset.

"What happened?" I squeaked out, not even caring how desperate I sounded right now. Shannon didn't meet my eyes for a moment as he dug around in his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. He held it out, I was confused. I took it from him, opening it.

"I got righ' mad atem. Mighta sent te two of em away wit'a few bruises. Te old man broke it up...just righ' fucked t'is is." The sincere sorrow in his voice scared me as I started reading the letter.

_Amelia,_

_I know we had a plan. I know how hard you worked to see it through, how much you looked forward to reuniting with the boys... But my dearest girl, you are not ready. I know this is one of the cruelest things I have ever done. I can't express how sorry I am, how sorry they are. They had every intention of bringing you to Ireland, but I convinced them otherwise. You are too young and too good. I am terribly sorry._

_You need to live your life, make an honest life for yourself. I couldn't have picked anyone better to love my sons, but it isn't the right time. If Lord see's fit, they will return to you. I am sure you will hate me and I can not hold that against you. Just don't hate Murphy and Connor, they believe it's what's best for you. It's always been about you since the day you came to Boston._

_Take care, dearest girl._

I felt the blood run from my face. The pounding suddenly went away from my head, my stomach bottoming out. I re-read the letter a dozen times before I realized I was shaking terribly. Shaun and Shannon escorted me to the booth and were talking, but I couldn't hear them. Doc had pulled the paper from my hands, reading it and was yelling. I just felt cold. My heart was shattered. Murphy and Connor. They were gone. Noah had talked them into leaving me behind. They had AGREED to it. Tears spilled over my cheeks and I felt as if I had lost everything. This hurt as much as losing my father had. They were gone.

"Why?" I managed to croak out between waves of tears and hysteria. Doc shoved the paper to Shaun, wrapping his arms around me. I fell apart, never feeling more alone in the world than what I did right now.

"I dunno lass..." Doc said to me. He too was deeply upset. "If'n I hada way, I'd wring der FUCK! Throats. What te' hell?" He spat out angrily. I didn't care he was mad, I just wanted my boys. Shannon looked terrible and tried to speak to me, but I turned my face away from him. I knew it wasn't his fault, but I didn't want anything more than to curl up and die. Doc held me, rubbing my back and whispering how maybe they might change their minds. Hopefully tell Noah to kiss their ass and call me once they got settled. I just nodded and tried to support my own weight, failing miserably. But the logic part of my brain knew they wouldn't change their mind. If it came to me and they thought it was the right thing, I'd never see them again. Oh God.

The past week began flashing through my mind, making sense of all the up and down moods. The looks, the distance, the sudden need to hold me close and tell me how much they loved me. I had ignored it, trusting in my resolve in our relationship. I had ignored my instincts, ignored the coming storm clouds. Murphy and Connor's eyes had told me something was wrong and I had ignored it. They had been saying goodbye. Trying to show me how much they cared. I closed my eyes and screamed. No, no, no...please God no! I can't handle this, just kill me. I can die, I don't care. Just don't bring me to this...anything but this. I have lost enough, haven't I?

* * *

I don't remember how that night ended and the next day began, but I remember waking up with Shaun sleeping on my couch. I remember bits of crying and screaming. I remember Doc closing down the bar for two days while he stayed with me. I remember ignoring my cell phone when I'd see it was my mother. I am sure I had her worried sick, but I couldn't tell her anything yet. I barely have the strength to eat or not give up on everything. It had been two weeks since they left for Ireland. A small part of me was hoping they'd call me to tell me where they were, but the better part of me knew they wouldn't. I also remember Shaun clearing out my 1911's and Dad's .380. They were seriously scared I might do something stupid. Honestly, I didn't know if I would or wouldn't.

Doc was beside himself, worrying over me while he forced me to eat...laying on guilt trips to get me to swallow down whatever he could get into me. I hated him. I hated the world. I just wanted my líne saol back. The Irish twins with blue eyes. Storms and lightening. Rough and tender. My body shook. I felt lifeless.

* * *

"NO!" I screamed, throwing my cellphone across the room. "I'M NOT CALLING HER! YOU AIN'T EITHER!" Doc was shaking, furious and tears in his eyes. He couldn't talk straight to save his life. I didn't want to call my mother. I didn't want to leave the apartment. I didn't want to rejoin the world. Doc can shove it up his old ass. The old man huffed up and pointed his finger in my face, finding his tongue.

"GOD DAMNIT AMELIA!" I clenched my jaw, seething. "YER G-GONNA GO HOME!" He stomped his foot and covered his mouth, yanking off his glasses. "It's been'a month. Yer Mom has already called SHIT! Me, scared te death. She knows already, Melia." I froze. He sold me out? Tears rimmed my eyes, the wind being stolen from my sails.

"You're bluffin'." I hissed, desperate to not believe it. But his unwavering stare told me he wasn't bluffing. Leave it to my mother to get creative.

"Nev'r to ye, girl. Yer Ma is scared. She's not mad at ye, jus' worried sick." He gently reached for my hand, my dirty hand. I hardly paid any mind to myself or this apartment. At first I had obsessively cleaned for some reason. Trying to preserve what they had left behind, but now I damned it all to hell. He guided me to the couch and sat us down, never letting me go. "I am worried bout ye. I am losin' sleep. Scared te FUCK! Death I'm gon' find ye dead." His voice cracked and I looked at the floor, unable to meet his gaze. "I love ye, an' I t'ink ye need to get outta t'is...tomb. Too many mem'ries here."

Everything he said made sense, I knew this. But, I just couldn't fathom leaving this hell in which I'd had so much happiness. But the memories were killing me. I must have lost 10 pounds in the past month. Eating seemed to always lead to puking, my nerves couldn't handle it. I haven't even been in our bedroom. My heart couldn't do it. I'd try to, but I'd end up getting weak legs and I would turn away.

"Please, 'Melia...let me help ye. We'll get ye home, get ya out of 'ere." His voice was desperate and by the dark circles under his eyes, I knew he really was worried sick. I let the tears flow and I sobbed. My head fell into his shoulder, his frail arm wrapped around my shoulders as he rubbed my back and shh'd me. I didn't want to go home, but I didn't want to stay here either. I didn't want to worry Doc. He was practically a father to me. Father, shit what would my Dad say to me right now? I shivered. He'd be mad as hell, he'd encourage me to be strong, he'd hold me. "Will ye let me help ye?" Doc asked me again. I sucked in a harsh breath, deciding to not lose another person in my life. Better for me to go, than to have someone else leave me.

"Yeah."

* * *

I watched as Shaun and Shannon moved boxes out of my apartment. Well, old apartment. I chewed my bottom lip, toes twitching in my cowboy boots. I'd put them back on for the first time yesterday. They'd gotten quite a bit of dust on them, leather had gotten stiff. Doc was holding true to the promise he'd made me a lifetime ago. He was going to house all my stuff I couldn't get on a plane. Which, was a lot. Most of it was Dad's old stuff. My guns. I blinked and licked my lips, gently kicking off Shaun's truck. I met Shannon half way with a small cardboard box in his hands. This one had little things of mine inside, such as the jewelry box the...that I had gotten for my birthday. He didn't question me as I relieved him of it and set it on Shaun's tail gait. I flipped it open and withdrew the small wooden box, also dusty. The trinity sign carved into it's lif seemed to mock me and I quickly opened the box. I dug around in my pocket and pulled out my rosary. I felt it's weight in my hand for one last time, thumbing the etching on the back. Per fidem et fedei. With faith and loyalty.

I set my jaw along with my resolve, dropping the last immediate evidence of them into it. I flipped it shut and set it back in the box. I gave it a firm shove, watching it take it's place amoungst the rest of the boxes. A firm hand grabbed my shoulder and I looked up into Shannon's bright eyes. He didn't say anything, he didn't have to. I didn't need to, either. I was leaving this life behind. Once everything was packing into the bed of the small truck, Shaun hugged me and we said our good byes. I'd already said goodbye to Doc, I couldn't do it again. I reassured him that he was on my speed dial. With no worries I watched Shaun drive away with the remnants of a life I wanted to forget and be un-phased by.

"Ye ready, yer flight takes off in'a hour." Shannon reminded me softly, motioning to his truck. I took a deep breath, looking around the street. My eyes drifted up to the apartment windows. I knew the emptiness inside me would never get any better. I'd never not miss this place, but I'd never hate it any less either. I was but wasn't ready. With a forced exhale, I nodded and answered.

"As I'll ever be." I adjusted my flannel of my jeans. For late Fall, the sun seemed to be in all it's glory. I slide my aviator sunglasses down onto my face and followed the tall black haired Irishman to his truck. We climbed in and I put my seat belt on. He turned the key over and we left, silence surrounding us. A few miles from the airport he chose to speak again.

"Jus' so ye know, yer gon' be fine. I know ye don' see t'at now, but'll happen." I didn't reply, I had a feeling he wasn't done. Sure enough, he wasn't. "Af'ter Michael's Ma died, I was sure I'd nev'r been te same ag'in. To a point I was righ'...but I no longer feel like 'm breakin' apart." Despite myself, I turned my face towards him. Shannon was a friendly man, tough as nails, but sweet. He didn't talk about his or his son's past much. Nobody was brave enough to pry, so I suddenly really wanted to hear him out. "I brough' us 'ere. Started over, left all te past t'ere. I still have te mem'ries...but I value 'em." His blue eyes glanced over to me. "It'll get easier. We all know how much ye love 'em. Ye didn't jus light a flame, ye burned te world down." I sighed, averting my hidden eyes back to the passing scenery of buildings.

"I know, just gotta get past this." I offered up. I guess Shannon was satisfied with it.

"So, what ye gon' do when ye get home?" He changed the subject and I was grateful. I scratched my nails against the denim on my knees.

"I dunno, do a lot of riding. Missed my horse. Maybe go to college or some shit, I really don't know. Maybe I'll become a stripper or a cop, ha." I snorted despite myself, waiting to hear the chuckle from the older man, but he didn't laugh. Instead, he nodded his head as he pulled into the parking area for the airport. My stomach clenched. I was here and I was really going home. Home. Sounded like a foreign word now. Didn't like the way it mentally rolled of my tongue.

"Aye, I can see ye bein' a cop. I t'ink ye'd make a damn good cop." Shannon was serious as a heart attack, I again snorted. The image of Greenly popped into my mind, I shook it off. He shut the truck off and we got out. He helped me navigate my bags up to the counter where a perky blonde was smiling way too widely at me.

"I'm here to check in." I said flatly, pulling out the ticket Shaun had printed off for me. I showed her my ID and got my bags checked. A man with glasses loaded them up for me and rolled them away out of sight. Shannon walked me to the security check, looking around. I felt the weirdness fill the air between us. I needed to thank him.

"Thank you for everythin' y'all have done for me. You and Michael both." I gave him a small smile and pushed my glasses onto the top of my head. Shannon's face softened and he didn't hesitate to pull me in for a hug. I felt the air almost escape me.

"Was a pleasure, 'Melia. Yer a good girl with a good heart. Don' let te world change ye. Ye got my number and yer always welcome here." His massive arms squeezed me almost to the point of pain, but I held onto him. I felt my eyes water and I sucked them back. No, I will be strong. "Don' be a stranger girl, call me when ye land. Don' forget abou' Doc either. Old man is in pieces righ' now." I felt my heart sink as he let me go and fixed his shirt,

"I won't, I promise I'll keep in touch. Sure I'll visit when I'm ready." I heard a voice announce my flight into Yeager Airport was boarding. I bit my lip and gave Shannon a quick second hug. He ruffled my hair, sending me on my way with an Irish smile. I returned it briefly as I made my way through security. I was scanned, padded down and finally was able to board the plane.

With each step I took, more I felt that maybe I was being too quick to leave. Maybe if I waited a little while longer... No Amelia. They are gone. Probably forever. I found my seat, sliding in past an older woman to take the window seat. I looked out at the massive wing of the aircraft. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to shut the memories away. Boston has given and taken so much from me. This city would always be a sore spot for me. Maybe one day I will return, sure I will eventually to visit my family here. Visit Dad's grave, maybe even Rocco's...but it would be a while. I will go back to the farm. Back to 'shoveling shit and the mountains'.

A tear snuck it's way down my cheek and I didn't bother to wipe it. They would always be here in my mind, smiling and fighting between themselves. Blue eyes and sneaky grins, gentle hands and callused touches. A girl had arrived and a woman was leaving. I felt my lungs squeeze. No, I wasn't done yet. My heart knew this. I was still a scared girl, heartbroken and lost. I'd find my way eventually, just would take a lot of mountain air to clear it up. My hand's would eventually wear the blood off. My mind would eventually forget the small details, my heart would forget the feelings.

The plane engine fired up, the cabin started shaking. I blinked and seen the stewardess give her hand motions and the well rehearsed safety breakdown. Slowly, the plan idled around and aligned with the runway. The engines roared and the jet picked up speed. It left the ground and before long we were air born. My eyes drifted out to the shrinking city of Boston. Yeah, I'd be okay...eventually. Without caring what the lady thought next to me, I pulled the blind down and shut it all away. My eyes closed and I leaned back into my seat. As hard as I tried, the nagging tug in my stomach wouldn't leave me.

I always hated goodbye's.

****Damien Rice - Delicate****


	23. Sequel is UP!

Hello everyone! This is just an update to let you know  
the sequel is up! Just posted chapter 1 to part 2.

**In The Blood : Faith and Loyalty.**

Go check it out, y'all! Im so damn excited right now!

Love & hugs!

**Btw, I have been having issues with Chapter 22. If any of you guys are, please let me know.**  
**I am half tempted to post it on chapter 21 after a page break...GRR. But yes please, let me know. **

**:)**


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